What an odd day I have had. The weather has turned cold and dreary... the kind of weather that puts you to sleep like a chloroform laced cloth. I had many weird dreams and at times felt that awakening was out of my control.
Once I finally pulled myself away from the grips of my down comforter, I went straight to the computer and fired up the job sites. I always check http://www.indeed.com/ first, as it usually has the most postings. And there were many postings... all in health care. Every last one. If I could find a magic wand, I would magically turn myself into an RN that wasn't afraid of needles. Hell, if I had a magic wand... I wouldn't need to search for a job!
I had set my cell phone to silent. Something I have had to do to protect my chances of getting an uninterrupted night of rest. Mother had left a message saying she wanted to go shopping. She doesn't really want to go shopping. She wants me to get out of the house. So, I worked out, showered and called her back.
After I got out of the shower, I glanced out the door and saw some bags on my front step. I figured mother had stopped by, but wondered why she wouldn't have come inside. So I opened the door and brought them in. Someone had brought me three small bags of groceries. All non-perishables: canned goods, sauces, oatmeal and popcorn. I could have balled like a baby. The feelings were mixed. I was coming to terms with the fact that I needed help and that someone knew it. I've never been good at asking for help, and I never thought I would need help sustaining my life. At least not since the old days of college. I suspect it was my friend Alicia, as I had spoken to her the night before and made light of the fact that I had eaten my last can of soup and was eating a ham sandwich for dinner. I don't even like sandwiches that much, but I choked it down. Poor people in Africa probably get sick of that porridge looking stuff, but they eat it.
I got myself together. Fought a few boughts with tears and went to my affordable standby department store, and could not find a single thing! Not a one! I usually leave that store with bulging bags and a $200 or more dent in my wallet. I couldn't even find a bra! What is the deal with these manufacturers thinking we want a three- inch- thick clump of mystery stuffing to shove our nipples up underneath our nostrils? Every bra that didn't remind me of my grandmother was stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey! My "girls" don't really need any support. I just want a bra that looks cute and is comfortable. I'm happy with what I have and do not wish to have cleavage spewing over top my neckline.
No underwear either. Now that shouldn't be hard to find... but I had no luck.
So, I went to another store. One that is typically more expensive, but I was on a mission. Unfortunately so was a young couple with two screaming toddlers and another little devil on the way! I could hardly focus in the dressing room. Hearing children scream while you are trying to find something that might turn a man on kind of ruins the whole experience! So, I wound up with a black and white V-neck striped shirt that I LOVE, a skirt that is hot, and a sweater I'm sure I'll take back. They were closing, turning the lights off on me... so I gave up and called it a night.
Still not sold on what I will wear for my big out- of- state outing on Friday. Damn it! I'm thinking that I might just go casual chic and wear the striped V-neck, jeans, some tall black heeled boots, a rocker-inspired jacket and a cool bag. So, I'm headed out, once again, tomorrow to hopefully find a nice pair of boots, the jacket, bag, and some cute underthings. My undergarments are nearing the end of there lives!
So I'm home. Finally fixed my computer. At least I have managed to make it work properly. I have no idea what was wrong, nor do I even attempt to call myself some kind of expert on these things. Thank God it worked, because this computer has become my saving grace! It allows me to cling on to some sort of purpose by writing and also gives me the opportunity to search and research jobs.
I've settled into bed with the book my friend sent, "The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die" by John Izzo. I'm approximately 40 pages in and it's a good read. Very timely. Cortney had written something lovely on the inside cover: "I hope you enjoy this book as much as I have. Remember to keep believing in yourself as you continue to discover your true happiness. You are right where you are supposed to be." So sweet. Teared me up when I read it.
Wow. I sound unstable! (Laughing)
I'm going back to my book... and hoping that tomorrow is a most wonderful day.
Once I finally pulled myself away from the grips of my down comforter, I went straight to the computer and fired up the job sites. I always check http://www.indeed.com/ first, as it usually has the most postings. And there were many postings... all in health care. Every last one. If I could find a magic wand, I would magically turn myself into an RN that wasn't afraid of needles. Hell, if I had a magic wand... I wouldn't need to search for a job!
I had set my cell phone to silent. Something I have had to do to protect my chances of getting an uninterrupted night of rest. Mother had left a message saying she wanted to go shopping. She doesn't really want to go shopping. She wants me to get out of the house. So, I worked out, showered and called her back.
After I got out of the shower, I glanced out the door and saw some bags on my front step. I figured mother had stopped by, but wondered why she wouldn't have come inside. So I opened the door and brought them in. Someone had brought me three small bags of groceries. All non-perishables: canned goods, sauces, oatmeal and popcorn. I could have balled like a baby. The feelings were mixed. I was coming to terms with the fact that I needed help and that someone knew it. I've never been good at asking for help, and I never thought I would need help sustaining my life. At least not since the old days of college. I suspect it was my friend Alicia, as I had spoken to her the night before and made light of the fact that I had eaten my last can of soup and was eating a ham sandwich for dinner. I don't even like sandwiches that much, but I choked it down. Poor people in Africa probably get sick of that porridge looking stuff, but they eat it.
I got myself together. Fought a few boughts with tears and went to my affordable standby department store, and could not find a single thing! Not a one! I usually leave that store with bulging bags and a $200 or more dent in my wallet. I couldn't even find a bra! What is the deal with these manufacturers thinking we want a three- inch- thick clump of mystery stuffing to shove our nipples up underneath our nostrils? Every bra that didn't remind me of my grandmother was stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey! My "girls" don't really need any support. I just want a bra that looks cute and is comfortable. I'm happy with what I have and do not wish to have cleavage spewing over top my neckline.
No underwear either. Now that shouldn't be hard to find... but I had no luck.
So, I went to another store. One that is typically more expensive, but I was on a mission. Unfortunately so was a young couple with two screaming toddlers and another little devil on the way! I could hardly focus in the dressing room. Hearing children scream while you are trying to find something that might turn a man on kind of ruins the whole experience! So, I wound up with a black and white V-neck striped shirt that I LOVE, a skirt that is hot, and a sweater I'm sure I'll take back. They were closing, turning the lights off on me... so I gave up and called it a night.
Still not sold on what I will wear for my big out- of- state outing on Friday. Damn it! I'm thinking that I might just go casual chic and wear the striped V-neck, jeans, some tall black heeled boots, a rocker-inspired jacket and a cool bag. So, I'm headed out, once again, tomorrow to hopefully find a nice pair of boots, the jacket, bag, and some cute underthings. My undergarments are nearing the end of there lives!
So I'm home. Finally fixed my computer. At least I have managed to make it work properly. I have no idea what was wrong, nor do I even attempt to call myself some kind of expert on these things. Thank God it worked, because this computer has become my saving grace! It allows me to cling on to some sort of purpose by writing and also gives me the opportunity to search and research jobs.
I've settled into bed with the book my friend sent, "The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die" by John Izzo. I'm approximately 40 pages in and it's a good read. Very timely. Cortney had written something lovely on the inside cover: "I hope you enjoy this book as much as I have. Remember to keep believing in yourself as you continue to discover your true happiness. You are right where you are supposed to be." So sweet. Teared me up when I read it.
Wow. I sound unstable! (Laughing)
I'm going back to my book... and hoping that tomorrow is a most wonderful day.
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