Risky (Unfinished) Business

So much for going to bed early...

It's 5:16 a.m. I've been up 20 hours now...

Was calling it a night with C.F. messaging, and Manus signed on. We hadn't chatted in a couple days, so I decided to talk with him. We spent a good deal of time discussing my father, and what the right choice would be as far as contacting him.

My father and mother split when I was about two years old. Or more accurately, my mother left him. A fact I had only learned of in the last several years of my life. Although close to his side of the family, no one spoke of him the majority of my life. He was never at any family gatherings... not even in name. Here is the best timeline that I remember of him:

Seeing him a few times around the age of five.

Once around the age of eight... and the last.

My mother weeping when the sitter cancelled and she thought she would either have to take me to my father's or to work... and my best friend's mom coincidentally at the door. She took me in for the night.

And one disturbing phone call from him around the summer I turned 18.

Recently, he's sent me email messages. They are vague and brief. The last one asking if this was in fact my email address. His brother finally opened up to me about him during our family reunion in August. Apparently my father has been mentally ill in some way for many years. And now... I am torn regarding whether or not to let him into my life.

There is so very much more to this story... and this is something I feel I really need to resolve. He's approximately 70 years old, so I am compelled to come to some sort of decision... and this is part of the reason I have not been able to rest well for a few weeks.

My mind does not do well with unfinished business of any sort.

Sign off time...5:30 a.m.