Hittin the Books, With Mack's "Good" Looks

I've solved my sleeping dilemma. It took a trip to the hospital on Saturday, and who knows how large of a bill! Whatever the amount, the peace of mind and ability to rest is well worth it.



Mack and I have tentative plans for Thursday. I have absolutely no idea what to expect. He's one of those guys that isn't blatantly attractive, but has the potential to be damn sexy once you get to know him. At this point in my life, and search, I'm trying to be as open-minded as possible. Truth is... if you lined up my ex suitors, there isn't any rhyme or reason to them. I'm not really into blondes. That's about the only thing you wouldn't find in line.



Today was the first day of my LAST class. I swear I would love to know what classes the hot guys take. They aren't the classes I take, that is for sure. There were 5 guys in my class. Two that were cute, but neither had any magnetic, magical man powers over me. I just wanted a little "scenery" to enjoy. Hell, for the amount of money I spent on the class, there should be Chippendales dancing every hour on the hour.



A/C guy was a no show tonight... so I guess I'll be hot and bothered in every sense of the words until it is repaired...

Dollar Bills and Sleeping Pills

Someone please put me out of my misery! I beg of you...

Mona's mad mad mind has been reeling all night. Spinning. Twirling. Buzzing. If I don't get some sleep soon, I'm going to have bags the size of suitcases under my eyes. Whose gonna want the old bag with bags!! Shit, the airlines would charge me $50 extra for each eye... Truth is I'm riddled with anxiety. I haven't been able to say that outloud yet (and in reality, I still haven't). I, Mona Lake, lost my job with a small company at the end of April and have been job-searching ever since. I just emptied my savings account to pay my ridiculous tuition for my LAST class until I finally... finally, finish my Bachelor's Degree. I am facing the fear of being broke, the fear of graduating (dumb, yes... but I do dumb things), finding a new job and starting over, the fear of growing old alone, and currently: the fear of never sleeping again. I have only the seat of my pants, and my secret hundred dollar bill to cling to...

"Oh Baby... just you shut your mouth!"

In honor of Boyfriend Boot Camp... I laid out in the sun to give my skin an inviting glow. I jammed-out to some David Bowie... China Girl. Had a mosquito bite me on the ass. Glad I didn't have a date tonight so there was no need to explain the constant butt scratching. I'm sure that isn't attractive. I then decided to clean the house. In my bikini and flip-flops. I was secretly hoping to have company tonight. Mack and I had chatted and I thought he might be in town. Well it's after 3 a.m. so I'm going to guess that isn't happening!

Derek, "The Younger Man," messaged me tonight. I had put a new picture on my profile. Kind of an artsy one of me gazing out a rainy window. He went on and on about how beautiful I was and how he really wants to meet me, blah blah blah. I told him I was tired of the waiting. I've never been a fan of people that constantly SAY they are going to do things. My experience is that they rarely do. He's told me this so many times I can hardly stand it. Oh Baby... just you shut your mouth...

Received some texts from John. Random. Haven't seen him or heard from him in weeks. I think he's looking for a romp in the sack, a roll in the hay, rendezvous, booty call, piece of ass... whatever description you prefer. He keeps asking if I'm still up, but won't say why. I think texting in place of conversation should be illegal for anyone over 30. I'm feeling bitchy. I just sent him a text asking if he was still awake.

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooo HOT tonight.
(The A/C is broken.)

Ice Cream and Pipedreams

The "Younger Man" and I have not been "talking." And, I can definitely say, that I would have regretted moving forward with him. I can't fool myself. I can't deny that I want that true connection. It doesn't have to be never-ending love. It just needs to be one of those meeting of the minds... intellectual stimulation... witty banter that somehow manages to turn you on. Connecting on the same universal plane in a way that allows you to communicate your urges without saying a word. Being able to have a conversation before, during, and after, that requires no effort and is not riddled with awkward pleasantries; that's what I'm after.

So onto the roster comes "Mack." Mack caught my eye on my list of admirers from the online dating site. He was one of over 200, most of which don't even say hello. I had read his profile and discovered that he was of the same creative species as I, and decided to invite him to introduce himself. Mack is a musician. Not just a musician, but a musician that appears to have talent. His music is great. His thoughts are intriguing. Throughout the course of the day, we exchanged rather entertaining utterances. One of my favorite excerpts being, "As for the premarital sex, that's the only kind I've ever had, so it shouldn't be a problem." Mack mentioned getting together for my birthday... I've got to tell you that I have only met two guys from the Internet... and neither of them were worth the dating site fee. (It's a free one.) I've been on it since the end of last year, and don't take it very seriously. Some people hate to be alone and their desperation to fill a void is blatent. Most want to meet right away, or begin their emails with "Hey baby, you're hot." So, if you find someone that you actually "click" with through an email you feel like you've hit the lottery!

As far as "Boyfriend Boot Camp," I've basically taken the day off... aside from maybe enjoying some "Very Chocolate Cherry" ice cream a little too intensely. Don't you fear readers, I sense something juicier than a frozen cherry on the horizon.

Boyfriend Boot Camp!!!

I have placed myself in an intensive training program to increase my odds of finding "him." Of course, the instructor is me... so the success rate is questionable at best!!!! I've done some things that feel strange to me, but are probably normal to others. When you don't have an intimate relationship, and haven't had one for a long time, I think you become a little detached from your physical being. If you roped me to a chair and dripped water continuously on my forehead for several hours, I'd tell you that I have a nice body... and in fact, have for most of my life. But, if you asked me how I felt about my body in passing... I wouldn't really be able to answer. I hope someone out there understands what I am saying. It's a peculiar thing! So I have begun a quest to become reacquainted with my body. I want to reclaim my sexiness without having to have sex. I figure if I can bring an air of hotness to the table, it might just make it to the bed one day!

How have I done this? In odd ways of course! I have a digital camera with a self-timer, and I decided to take pictures of myself in differing stages of undress. I took pictures from all angles. Of everything. In the beginning it was slightly uncomfortable, but after reviewing a few photos... it was strangely fun! I realize that many people acquire nude photos of themselves much earlier in life... typically in their 20's after drinking an insane amount of alcohol... this is just another thing I hadn't done YET. I highly recommend this exercise to any woman! There is a bit of power to be had from knowing what a man sees when you are in unmentionable sexual positions. I definitely won't be so consumed with insecurities in my sexual future.

The next day, I made sure to put a fresh coat of paint on my toenails. I don't quite know what it is about painting your toenails. I've never heard a man say my pink polish really turned him on... but it just makes me feel sexy.

And then... I slept naked. I'm not opposed to sleeping naked, by any means, but I'm still getting used to my house and which windows are providing an open view to my neighbors, so I have cut nudity out of my routine. I'm actually quite a nudist in reality. Not for any illicit reasons... just that I have a cat and can't stand finding cat hair on my clothes when I am dressed to impress. For this reason, I usually don't get dressed until I am about to walk out of the door. Naked is something I am used to. But, naked with a man... completely naked... has become foreign to me. So I decided to sleep naked. I'd like to believe that I will be falling asleep naked, often, and not alone...

The Writer: A Thinking Man

Here's a good one. So, I'm back in college, again, finally completing the Bachelor's Degree I started some 18 years ago. I have an English class that qualifies for my lacking Humanities credit. We are required to read 5 books in eight weeks. I haven't read 5 books in the last five years! It's an intense course. Discussion board posts, quizzes... papers. I read book number 5. A book that I NEVER would have chosen to read on my own, as it is about war and I am a peace-love-and-happiness kind of girl. Somehow, while reading the book, I acquire a bizarre crush on the author. I enjoyed "defending" him on our classroom discussion board, as I firmly believed in his mission. I admired his courage. Fast-forward. I'm on MySpace passing the time. I search his name. I write him an email expressing how great I thought his book was and that I was glad to have been "forced" to read it. I coyly express my "bizarre crush."

He writes back; requests me as a friend.

To be continued...

...the Younger Man

So I've been flirting online with a man that lives a few hours away. We "met" online. He's 24, and still trying to make his way in life. He has none of the typical offerings that most women seek. He's unemployed, just broke up with a girlfriend and moved in with family. His credit sucks... and sometimes so does his attitude about these things. But his intellect, and wit are very seductive. We've been "talking" for about a month now, and something about him makes me desire him. The mystery. Only guessing how it would feel to kiss him. He's tall and thin, has dark hair, green eyes, and nice full lips. He thinks I'm sexy and that makes me feel sexy. Feeling sexy when you have been single and waiting for the "right" man to come along is crucial to a woman... to me. Will I meet him? Would I be able to accept that he would not likely be someone that I would marry, but allow myself to enjoy his company? Am I ready to share my mind and body with a man simply for a lustful fulfillment of desire?

Naked Men Everywhere!!!

It's official ladies and gentlemen! When a woman is in her 30's... all she thinks about is sex. Mix those impure thoughts with the men-without-shirts heat of summer, and you have yourself one big batch of horny! Yesterday, while sitting outside chatting with a friend (ironically talking about the BIBLE), a young guy without a shirt on forced me to run back into the house in fear of going to hell on a fiery express train!! He was deliciously chiseled. Innocent. While driving home... two more half-dressed, muscle-bound morsels. Today... I found myself in a meeting, sitting across from a handsome guy and almost laughed out loud at the sexual tension. He arched his back, puffed up his chest like an alpha gorilla and stretched his arms out; making sure I was able to admire his strong, protective, "throw you up against a wall" biceps. He was posturing himself to assert his manhood, and I wisely looked away to prevent myself from saying, "Ya wanna do it, don't ya?"

I can hear you all screaming, "WHORE!" but quite the opposite is true. You see... I have this delusion that I still have hope in finding a significant other/monogamous sex partner/husband type fellow. However, as most any single woman knows, this poses quite a challenge. And, I, Mona Lake, have some rather unique dynamics working in my mission to have meaningful sex before my breasts are sagging and my ass is droopy! I have yet to act upon my dirty dirty thoughts. Hell, I'm not even actively dating right now! The closest I have come to dating in months is exchanging sarcasm-soaked emails on a free online dating site. It is the sheer hilarity of my lacking sex life that inspired me to share my experiences with the world. In order to provide my readers with every juicy detail, I will protect the identities of my future victims!

I look forward to unleashing my madness... I leave you now to spend the night with some Kickin' Cheddar Pringles...