I managed to do it. I've picked myself up off the ground... a bit. I'm not sure that I have a firm footing, but I'm certainly not as low as I was Saturday and Sunday. Progress. Progress.
How did I manage? An emergency visit from a therapist?
Well... every time I found myself forcing too many thoughts or pressures on my brain... I reminded myself to focus on what I was doing and let go of the rest. Sounds simple, right? For some reason, it isn't for me. For example: once I had decided to work out, I kept watching the clock and began to boil water for the spaghetti I was going to fix. I had tried to light the stove with no luck. Oh yeah, I unplugged it to retaliate against the electric company. Plug in the stove, begin boiling water. Get back to jumping and flapping around the house. Wait! If I boil water now, I'll over cook the spaghetti while I'm in the shower. If I get in the shower after I finish my thirty minutes of self-inflicted physical abuse, I'll miss the six o'clock news. Fine. I'll miss the news. Makes no sense to have the water boiling now. Turn off the stove. I live alone, and have nothing else to worry about for heaven's sake. What is the problem here?
Anyway. I managed to take a relaxing shower to the soundtrack of the Chill Channel on Sirius satellite radio. Instead of rushing into the kitchen to the damned pot of water... I reminded myself... of myself. I needed lotion! My skin had become dry and weary. It's the largest organ of our human bodies, and, the container of the mess that is me. I think it's time to pay attention to it.
The exercise, despite the pulled groin, and shower, despite the fear of a water bill I might not be able to pay, got me moving in the right direction. Followed by a home cooked batch of spaghetti I decided I was worth the effort of making... and I'm feeling better. Added bonus: a phone call from my friend Alicia.
I had done something I swore I would never do. I had left Alicia a message asking her for advice or assistance in nailing a job at the non-profit she herself had just gotten hired into. I had done the ground work. Customized the resume (on the fancy paper) and cover letter (again on the fancy paper), put them in the fancy envelope and delivered it in person. I didn't want to stoop to soliciting help getting a job... but desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, from what I know... in the non-profit sector... they tend to stick to those who are connected. I apologized to her for asking her to pull some strings, and she thought nothing of it. "Anyone would be blessed to have you on their team. If I had a company of my own, you'd be the first person I would hire." Ohhhh if I had a job for every time I have heard that! Alicia had sent an email to a contact she had shared coffee with, the only contact she had direct information for.
Alicia's ego stroke and listening ear helped me rise a bit higher. I actually expressed my feelings of despair and looming desperation outloud. Yes, my voice was quivery... and yes, I hate that. But, I needed to talk about it. She's been in my shoes... for very different reasons, but she may know struggle more intimately than any of my friends. Because of that, I respect her thoughts, even if I don't agree with them all of the time. I've once again been reminded of the power of friendship. And for that, I'm grateful.
How did I manage? An emergency visit from a therapist?
Well... every time I found myself forcing too many thoughts or pressures on my brain... I reminded myself to focus on what I was doing and let go of the rest. Sounds simple, right? For some reason, it isn't for me. For example: once I had decided to work out, I kept watching the clock and began to boil water for the spaghetti I was going to fix. I had tried to light the stove with no luck. Oh yeah, I unplugged it to retaliate against the electric company. Plug in the stove, begin boiling water. Get back to jumping and flapping around the house. Wait! If I boil water now, I'll over cook the spaghetti while I'm in the shower. If I get in the shower after I finish my thirty minutes of self-inflicted physical abuse, I'll miss the six o'clock news. Fine. I'll miss the news. Makes no sense to have the water boiling now. Turn off the stove. I live alone, and have nothing else to worry about for heaven's sake. What is the problem here?
Anyway. I managed to take a relaxing shower to the soundtrack of the Chill Channel on Sirius satellite radio. Instead of rushing into the kitchen to the damned pot of water... I reminded myself... of myself. I needed lotion! My skin had become dry and weary. It's the largest organ of our human bodies, and, the container of the mess that is me. I think it's time to pay attention to it.
The exercise, despite the pulled groin, and shower, despite the fear of a water bill I might not be able to pay, got me moving in the right direction. Followed by a home cooked batch of spaghetti I decided I was worth the effort of making... and I'm feeling better. Added bonus: a phone call from my friend Alicia.
I had done something I swore I would never do. I had left Alicia a message asking her for advice or assistance in nailing a job at the non-profit she herself had just gotten hired into. I had done the ground work. Customized the resume (on the fancy paper) and cover letter (again on the fancy paper), put them in the fancy envelope and delivered it in person. I didn't want to stoop to soliciting help getting a job... but desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, from what I know... in the non-profit sector... they tend to stick to those who are connected. I apologized to her for asking her to pull some strings, and she thought nothing of it. "Anyone would be blessed to have you on their team. If I had a company of my own, you'd be the first person I would hire." Ohhhh if I had a job for every time I have heard that! Alicia had sent an email to a contact she had shared coffee with, the only contact she had direct information for.
Alicia's ego stroke and listening ear helped me rise a bit higher. I actually expressed my feelings of despair and looming desperation outloud. Yes, my voice was quivery... and yes, I hate that. But, I needed to talk about it. She's been in my shoes... for very different reasons, but she may know struggle more intimately than any of my friends. Because of that, I respect her thoughts, even if I don't agree with them all of the time. I've once again been reminded of the power of friendship. And for that, I'm grateful.
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