The Money Shot... I Think Not!

Okay... brace yourselves...

Wiz Man calls Friday, only after I said, for the upteenth time, that texting is not my thing. The conversation was fine at first. He wanted to know if i were free Saturday or Sunday for a second date. Then something went terribly, terribly wrong:

"Send me a picture of your boobs. Full frontal."

What the hell?!! Hell no!

Gratuitously, I reminded him that such behavior would be inappropriate, and refrained from cussing him out. I mentioned something about boundaries and he redirected the discussion, briefly.

"Okay. I've got to go in a minute, but let's play a little Q&A for a minute." He said.

He asked some routine-ish questions, as did I, all the while wondering what the hell this guy was really up to. And I soon got the answer to that question, without even having to ask:

"Sooooooo," he says, "spit or swallow?"

How about a kiss... as in kiss my ass, pervert!!

There ya have it. Proof positive that this guy is a definite no go. Just a definite NO all around.

UpDATE: Wizzer

Well, my fellow female friends, I hate to tell you this, but I went ahead and went out with wishy-washy Wizzer last night. I couldn't get my situation to post Wednesday night because of some terrible wireless internet issue... so your appreciated advice did not arrive in time to stop me. And as much as I agree with what you have said... I have to say that I don't regret going out with him, and here are a few reasons why:

• My social encounters over the last couple weeks involved going to the hospital for mother's surgery, putting together a cabinet with my brother, and helping prepare and serve food for grieving friends and family of a dead person I didn't even know.
• I haven't travelled more than ten miles away from home since the end of last year.
• I spent over $400 at Victoria's Secret and have yet to find out if those frilly little things really work
• "Use it or lose it." That could get scary!
• Food!
• As my co-worker said, "It's just food and conversation, it's not like you're getting engaged."

Admittedly, I was worried I'd rush home from work, get ready, and drive all of the way there, only to find that he had stood me up. Surprise! He actually showed up. He was cuter than I expected him to be, which of course was a bonus. He has really nice skin and dark hair (I am the biggest fan of dark hair). He was a little stockier than I expected but not fat by any means. My only concern about him physically is that his fingernails could have been a little shorter and cleaner. This might have been a result of his work... but for the life of me... I can't remember what it is that he does and was a little embarrassed to ask. I do know he works with a family member and used to run his own company.

Anyway, the date went pretty good! The conversation never lagged or felt uncomfortable. He was handling his phone a little too much for my liking, but I've come to realize that that is unfortunately the norm. I'll keep fighting the good fight, though. I refuse to believe that humans cannot function without being immediately available to the entire world 24 hours a day.

Both of us had to work this morning, and I don't think first dates should ever last more than a few hours, so at 9:00 p.m. we headed for the door. "So when are we going out again?!" he asked. Okay... so he wants a second date. We talked briefly about the weekend. I have no idea what we will do yet, but I'm considering it. Following the discussion, he swooped in for a kiss.

GASP!

He's a good kisser and he has nice lips. Wait. Could a guy who didn't have nice lips be a good kisser?

Now for those of you who were against my going out with Wizman... I want you to understand why I did. Sure he didn't behave as I would have liked... but... now I'm aware of a potential issue. I don't see harm in spending some time with him that I otherwise would have spent sitting in my house bitching at myself for not cancelling cable because there is never anything truly worth watching on t.v. I don't have to sleep with the guy. I don't have to marry him. And, I don't have to put up with any crap... I can walk away at any time. Does he stand a chance at becoming a permanent suitor in my life? Well, his chances are on the slim side. But dating is hard! He's admitted to being bashful and I know I have certainly looked back on a first date in disbelief that I acted so stupidly as a result of nervousness... so I'm giving him a little leeway. He'll have to be much better behaved if he wants anything serious from me, that's for sure.

From Two to Zero in 24 Hours?!

After being exposed to chemical fumes someone in the ceramics studio was using Monday night, my throat immediately began to hurt. No matter how many ibuprofen pills I popped... the pain persisted.





Hoping the pain would subside by morning, I fantasized about sushi and wasabi before going to bed. Unfortunately, not only was I unable to sleep well, my throat was still very sore throughout the day on Tuesday. I no longer wanted to eat.





What?





Something is seriously wrong with me if I am not wanting to eat! I contemplated seeking medical attention, but figured that since the pain was a result of an irritation, I'd likely be stuck with simply a bill, since it wouldn't be as easily remedied as an infection would be.





So I cancelled dinner Tuesday. Date one... down.





Whizzer and I had spoken late Tuesday afternoon. He continually expressed excitement to meet on Thursday and was concerned about my discomfort. He had some events that night and said he'd text me around 8:30 p.m. and if I wanted to talk he would call.





The text never came.





I wasn't actually mad that he didn't contact me. I hardly felt like communicating. However, we haven't actually met yet, and we are all supposedly on our best behavior in the beginning of relationships. During lunch today, I sent him a text that said, "It's a little past 8:30." He replied with ":(" After asking him what the ":(" was about he said because he hadn't called me. He also said he was in a meeting and asked that I call him on my way home.





The explanation of his failure to contact me at the magical moment of 8:30 was one of exhaustion and simply going to sleep. Okay. I get that. I did the same thing. The conversation continued and included discussion as to where we should meet for dinner tomorrow. And then...





"I've got to head to soccer in a minute. How about I call you on my way there and we'll talk. It won't be like last night. I'll really call you."





And... he didn't.





About 9:30 p.m., I receive a text: "Hi :)" I replied with a question mark, which was then leading to a potential conversation through texting, which I am vehemently opposed to, unless absolutely necessary. He called after I messaged that I would not have an entire conversation through text. At first he claimed to be confused and didn't even acknowledge his failure to call. Again, I'm not that worked up about it, but I do have serious concerns about his lack of follow through, especially back to back lacks of follow through, before we have even ever met!





Now the burning question... should I even bother going out with this guy? If I meet him for dinner, I'll be travelling 50 minutes one way. If I went through the motions of getting ready for a date, drove that far, used up the time and gas, polluted the environment... for someone who didn't even show...oh I'd be a little pissed at that point. He said he'd absolutely be there. But, he also said he call...twice...two days in a row... and did not. I told him I'd have to think about whether I'll be meeting him for dinner.





Initially, my thoughts are to cancel. Aside from these incidences, he appears to have qualities I would appreciate in a partner, but I need to give some thought to what kind of message I'm sending if I do choose to go out with him. You know that Dr. Phil guy says, "You teach people how to treat you." I don't need another person in my life that doesn't do what they say they will when they said they would... I've got two friends, an aunt and cousin to fill that roster. Sure it was just a couple phone calls... but is it an implication of his future behavior in the big picture?





The joys of dating.





I'm thinking I should cancel tomorrow night's dinner, even though I was truly looking forward to it, and then see how he handles that. I don't think I should completely write him off yet, but I also don't think I should ignore his recent behavior either. He's expecting an answer in the morning. I'll be polling the girls at work to get their opinions for certain.



What would YOU do?

Quarter Pounder with Cheesy Date

Monday. Weigh-in. Gained one quarter pound. I wonder if it was the wool socks I had on...

As much as I'd like to be the big weight loss champion of the office, truth is, my body is simply reorganizing. Knowing that muscle weighs more than fat is a mighty comforting tidbit of information at this point in my journey. My pants are fitting better and seeing myself naked doesn't instantly make me regret eating Christmas dinner anymore... but the damn scale is just not budging! If the office had bought into my plan to measure success by monitoring inches, I'd be fairing much better in this competition. Now I'm left to wonder if I stand a chance to meet my 12 pound goal.

Not allowing myself to feel defeated, I have accepted not one, but two dinner dates this week. I'd be a little distraught about the idea of sharing a meal with two different men in the same week, but tomorrow's date is with someone I have known for years. In fact, I know his entire family. We haven't spoken, nor seen each other in years now, but after receiving his family holiday newsletter from his mother, I thought I'd give a call to check in. His sister had had a major health crisis and I wanted to know how she was doing. A week later, he called to invite me out for dinner. I have no clue what his intentions are, but mine are simply to enjoy a few cheesy laughs.

Mr. Thursday, a.k.a. the Whizzer, and I will be meeting in a town that is half-way between his and mine. He's the one I'm slightly nervous about since we have not met in person and I'm in between jean sizes. Certainly I'll be spending Wednesday night frantically flinging clothes all about my bedroom in an attempt to find something that flatters my current state. Of course it would be more convenient to go out and buy a pair of jeans... but I already did that for my December 30th date. Not only did the date not go anywhere, now I'm stuck with a pair of jeans I've only worn twice that are too frickin' big now. I swear simply being female should qualify you for a special tax break.

Debriefing

No, this isn't a post about removing a man's underwear...

Mother's unexpected surgery led to a busier than expected week and less frequent posting. In honor of my beloved efficiency, I will summarize the week's goings-on (or lack thereof):

Mom did well with her surgery. Because it was less extensive, she didn't have to have as much anesthesia, which was quite comforting to know. She is back to living with a drain and having a visiting nurse. To help fight the infection, she is also on antibiotics. Yesterday, she had her appointment with the oncologist, during which they decided she should proceed with hormone therapy. Personally, I was very worried about the thought of her enduring chemotherapy. She's already in a vulnerable state of health, and chemo isn't for sissies! Let's just hope this works and she is on the road to a cancer-free life!

There's not much action on the dating front, but I did make a bold move and called one of the contenders. I got his voice mail. Making a phone call is really no big deal in the real world of dating, but when we're talking about the online oddity... things transpire quite differently, if you are smart, that is. At this point, I'm rather intrigued by two gentlemen, and shockingly enough, I'm considering giving "the Wizzer" a chance to redeem himself... from relieving himself. We spoke briefly tonight and he made some points I couldn't argue with. He thinks I should just take a chance and meet up with him this weekend. For me, it's more of an issue of whether or not I have something cute to wear that actually fits! My pre-Halloween/Christmas candy jeans are just a wee-bit too tight... and would make me look slutty, or fat; the jeans I bought on December 30th for this very reason, are now so big they look like I crapped my pants. So what's a girl to do? I suppose I could opt for the always-fits skirt (which would require going on a fancier date) or simply wait a week or so until I lose a few more inches to fit into my used-to-be-cute jeans. Do men have to deal with this shit? I mean, really.

On the subject of weight loss, I have been eating well, for the most part. The photo is of last night's dinner: a small chicken breast that marinated in fat-free Italian dressing overnight and was then baked in the oven, some very delicious veggies, and a helping of Spanish rice. It would have been an evening to be proud of, except for desert, I ate about 9 Hershey's kisses... some were almond, some mint, some candy cane (I don't like the plain ones). Both the girls in the office ate Twix bars this afternoon. I did not!! A small victory for me!

When I pulled in the drive from work, I was greeted by a small group of strangers. This poor man with his two teen boys in tow had just hit a dog on the busy street that runs parallel to mine. Not only was he kind enough to stop, he followed the dog as it ran into the yard on the other side of the fence. This poor animal had bled quite a bit and suffered a serious injury to its hind leg. If that man had simply driven off, we would not have known the dog was there and it surely would have died... cold and alone in the bright red snow. The officer that responded to our call was a very nice man who pulled some strings to get the dog in for medical treatment. It had a collar, but no tags, so we couldn't contact the owner. I made my cat say a little prayer with me in hopes the dog survives and lives a long and happy life. Well, maybe the cat didn't pray, but I like to believe she is gracious, considering she was rescued as well.

My brother is coming to my rescue shortly. I ordered a large cabinet to fill the hole in my living room that resulted from rearranging the furniture to accommodate the now-taken-down Christmas tree. I found the new furniture arrangement actually made better use of my living space, and it would be lovely to have a place to drop my keys when I come in the door, since I rarely seem to know where they are. However, the cabinet arrived sooner than expected and I'm tired of looking at this big box with its utterly incomprehensible assembly directions. Normally, I'm very handy and competent, but these directions are the kind that only an engineer's mind would appreciate. My brother has an engineering background (and hopefully more patience than I do!).

Once again, I forgot to make plans for the weekend. Now, my exciting, romance-lacking weekend consists of assembling a cabinet tonight, and tending to the oven while my friend is at her brother's funeral so people have something to eat when they come to her house on Sunday. I REALLY need to find more enjoyable alternatives for the weekend!

She's Out!

Mom made it out of surgery just now. Her wound from December's surgery had become infected and they had to go back in to clean it and reinsert a drain. It's a setback... but thankfully, a minor one. She will have to have a visiting nurse again and the drain will be in for 1-2 weeks. Aside from a suspicious rash she noticed this morning, she appears to be doing well.

Because of her unexpected surgery, results from the oncology testing will have to wait until she can reschedule. So here we are, eight weeks into her cancer journey, and somehow, still in the same spot.

When people talk about fighting cancer, they always mention strength and hope; when sometimes the most important thing is patience.

Sunday Summary

Choosing to lay low this weekend has proven to be the best thing I could have done for myself. I'm amazed at how quickly the sense of stress and strain lifted after I tackled neglected tasks. It is no longer Christmas in my house, everything is clean and tidy, and I found two bills that needed to be paid a couple weeks ago in the pile on my desk. I knew something had to have gotten lost in the shuffle!

I stopped by mom's today after I took out the garbage. During my visit I found out she had to go to the doctor today because she has drainage from another location near her surgery. She said she wouldn't gross me out with the details, but she may have an infection. It looks like they are going to have to perform surgery tomorrow to find out what is wrong. This is unsettling to me because of her prior issues after her mastectomy and we were really looking forward to having some treatment answers on Tuesday, and I'm assuming her appointment will have to be rescheduled.

Had I not gotten all of these tedious things done around the house, this news might have pushed me closer to the edge I've barely managed to avoid. The past few months have been extremely draining and thankfully I now know how precious balance is in life, so I'm wise enough to forgo more exciting things and rest when I can. When there is chaos you can't control at work and in your family life, being able to come home to a clean house, and knowing you have paid your bills is extraordinarily comforting; at least to me, anyway.

I asked my brother to go for a walk shortly after the news and we went down to the park to feed the ducks. Most of the river is frozen, so the poor guys had to waddle across the ice to feast on the old bread and bagel treats we brought for them. One big white duck was actually eating out of my hand! That kind of stuff makes me happy and I certainly needed the exercise. Spending time with my brother isn't too bad either.

Let's hope all goes well tomorrow. Thankfully, the office is closed tomorrow so I don't have to worry about missing work. I'd like not to worry about much anymore... but sometimes life has other plans for us and we just have to make the very best of it.

Family Friday

Gotta love non-committal people! I dated one on and off for about 10 years... and even though I finally cut him out of my life before the end of last year, I still can't escape these can't make and/or stick to plans kinda folks.

My goal for the weekend, my main objective, was to rid my house of any evidence of Christmas and finish getting my house and personal affairs in order, to free up more time to join the social world out there. However, my aunt who is never in town for long, and cousin, were supposed to come over tonight around 6:00 p.m. Even though their selfish nature truly gets under my skin, I still love them, so I decided I'd make room for a family night tonight.

Well... it's now 10 after 7:00, and they are nowhere in sight. I'm starving. My brother is starving. My mother is starving. I could have conquered at least one mountain on what used to be my desk in the office. I could have taken a nap. I could have worked out. I'd say I could have gone on a date... but I already made a conscious decision to put any encounters with strangers off a week while I work through my spontaneous fits of laughter from dealing with the ones who have attempted to court me as of yet.

Now the plan is for my mother, brother and I to enjoy a devilishly delicious pizza from the family-owned parlor nearby. And there goes my diet.

Do you think Judge Judy would hear my case if I sued my commitment-challenged relatives for making me fail to succeed in next week's office weigh in?

What a Pisser!!!!

So this guy, who has been very patient and understanding in regards to my lack of time to pursue actually meeting anyone from the online world of romance, sent me a message to check in on me and say hello. I happened to read it while actually having a few minutes to myself, so I decided to give him a call. Because I think it's wise to keep your personal information private until you have a good idea the recipient of your information isn't a Ted Bundy wanna-be... I blocked my number.

"Hey! How are you?" he asks enthusiastically.

"Hi. I'm good, thanks." I reply.

"You blocked your number? Okayyyyyy... well you're gonna have to listen to me pee."

What the hell? My eyes rolled around in their sockets while I tried to figure out what kind of weird Latin name this fetish would have.

"Okay. Sorry about that. So what is Carrie trying to pull you into again?!" He asked.

"Carrie?"

"What? Who is this again?"

"Um, the person you just emailed your phone number to." I replied.

"OH MY GOD!!! I am soooo embarrassed." He declared as he fumbled words all about in an effort to explain himself and justify his audible expulsion of urine.

I was very tempted to tell him that it sounded like he didn't have any prostate issues, but decided that was even stranger than the fact I had just listened to someone piss in a toilet and I have never met them in person.

I'm not making this shit up, folks!

The poor guy felt terrible about his choice to relieve himself while I was on the other end of the phone and carried on and on about how he had just been texting a friend of 20 years (who apparently is accustomed to listening to him pee) and wondered why they would have blocked their number. Ever heard of the "mute" button, Mr.? Certainly that hasn't gone the way of the rotary phone and become extinct in the world of ever-changing technology!

To Mention or To Ask? (There really is no question)

Oh, isn't the online dating world an interesting and peculiar little place! I received an email this morning from a guy who I've exchanged several emails and a couple of phone calls with over the last 5 weeks or so that said:

"Hope you had a nice weekend. We could have met?"

Really? What's that? "Could have"s are endless, hypothetical, and pointless. I could have won the lottery. The sky could have suddenly turned bright orange with dancing clouds made of glitter. He could have asked me out.

After politely bringing up that very point, he said there were "too many games" and that he was "very tired of mentioning" that we meet. I'm thinking that's a little passive aggressive? I mean, mentioning it'd be nice to meet someone yields little to no results, while asking someone if they would like to go out on Saturday night typically produces a "yes" or a "no."

And all of this came after a seemingly normal conversation on Thursday that contained no mention of meeting each other at all. He did call me Saturday... at one in the morning. Yes, I have reached the age bracket and level of responsibilities at which I think telephoning people at one in the morning is inappropriate. I was sleeping... and he left no message.

"Yes I called. Nice of you to call me back." He wrote. Huh. You left no message mister, and you called me at one in the morning. Sorry I forgot to write a thank you card.

I probably shouldn't mention that he "misinterpreted" our email exchange a couple weeks ago and sent me pictures of his "unmentionable;" and hopefully no one will feel the need to ask why I won't be meeting this one... ever.

The Aftermath...

It's my first work-week weekend of 2010... and my first official lazy day as a result.

Normally, I take care of my dear Chester on Saturday afternoons, but I did not get a call from his wife to come by. Now that I've done nothing but sleep in and eat breakfast, I do feel as though I should have called her. Sometimes, she forgets.

Considering this decade's first week of work was an absolute nightmare... complete with fear, anxiety, and a very climactic ending; I'm absolutely exhausted. For months, there has been tension at work and the week before Christmas, we found out we were losing a LOT of money... talk of "tough decisions" and "changes" began to fill the days, then culminated with never-ending hush-hush meetings most of us were not invited to.

Thursday one of us got permanently laid off.

Being the "new kid on the block," employed there a short 11 months (after my ten months of unemployment), I had just cause to be very concerned. The organization is small and the staff very close-knit. Surely I worked hard every day and made myself as valuable as possible... but I would have done that no matter what. But was it enough?

Thankfully, I was NOT the one who lost their job, but, it's a bitter pill to swallow. I know very well what it feels like to lose a job! The person who lost their job is one of two that interviewed me for a volunteer position and demanded they hire me. She has also been there 7 years. That is a bitter pill for both of us. It has been difficult for everyone. I was afraid I'd find myself unemployed again, in less than a year, and this time it would be simply too much to bear.

Mom's cancer, the holidays, the "situation" at work... very stressful. Even though the sun is shining and part of me feels I should just take a chance and go on a date tonight, I know my mind is still recovering. I don't think tonight is the right night to make a first impression. Staying home this weekend getting my house clean and personal affairs in order appears to be the better choice.

Too Lazy for Love?

I've spent the last couple days debating whether or not to create some sort of official dating plan... like, going on one date a week, or specifying what days and times I actually read my online dating site emails. Wouldn't you know, I'm not the first to contemplate such a thing. AOL had a featured article about a woman who declared she would find a husband in one year... and she failed. Not exactly evidence supportive of my theory.

But as I sat here tonight, I realized what I really want to do is get my house back in order and figure out some kind of life management plan including finances, work, exercise (I'm trying to lose 12 pounds by March 29th), balance... balance balance! Adding a commitment of a minimum weekly date to the mix seems overwhelming! And, reading and responding to the emails. all the while scanning for signs of psychological instability, to get to that point, is, quite frankly, exhausting. I actually caught myself feeling stressed out when I was signed in.

Am I too lazy for love?

On a positive note, I did see a cute guy in real life at the grocery store last night. I did absolutely nothing about my secret inner fantasy of going on a date with HIM... a real person I met in real life in the real world; but it sure was nice just to have "a sighting." He appeared very bachelorish with his bag of dog food, gallon of milk, and little arm basket of items and I didn't readily recognize a ring on his finger. I work with all women in a big office building full of more women and a handful of married, middle-aged men so any evidence that single men exist at all is pretty exciting.

And if that's not enough, I did get messages from two guys I would give serious thought to going on a date with. Most of my email thus far is from guys that are nice, but not really ones that truly "match" with me. And what's up with the rampant vasectomies?! I never dreamed guys would give up the power of procreation. I mean I get that most men don't think poopy diapers and baby mama drama sounds like a good time, but the ability to plant seeds just seemed like the core of masculinity to me. Obviously, I am wrong about that too! Even though I'm truly not ready to be a mother, not having the option to do so isn't in line with my theoretical future plans. I'm really trying to put staying true to what I want above my stupid tendency to be more concerned with not hurting some one's feelings. Right now I'm at about a 65% compliance rate with that one.

So what is the answer? I might indeed be too lazy for love, but for now, I'm going to give myself a little break and acknowledge that life (with mom's cancer and all) has been a little chaotic of late. So if, if, I get a chance to clean up my house and catch up the laundry tomorrow... maybe I'll see about scheduling a date this weekend. Maybe...

New Year. New Blog.

Well, it's 2010. A new year. A new decade. And... it's time for Mona Lake to get real. Get serious. Get living.

And get a "new" blog.

This blog originated from a nagging need for a purpose in life when I found myself unexpectedly unemployed prior to the nation wide implosion of the economy. The world had carried on without me. I was depressed. Bored. And scared shitless. With that 10 month bout of unemployment came peaks and valleys of emotions that led to my blog becoming a pseudo bi-polar paradise of topic-of-the-day randomness.

Now that I am gainfully employed, and frankly, out of excuses... it's time to get back to what I wanted this blog to be. What I want to be.

I'm afraid. I admit it. I'm afraid that my love boat may have already sailed off without me. I'm afraid my mother will die of cancer and my grandparents will start dropping like flies. As a result, I'm afraid I'll wind up regretting not starting a family of my own... because I was too busy being afraid.

I'm 38. For a few more months. If I have even the slightest desire to ever have a child, simple math tells me that I had better start living my life in such a way that might make that remotely possible. This means I'm going to have to give up the boring security the ill-fitting sweatpants and anti-social behaviors I acquired during my stint as Jobless Jody, and get out there and date!

DATE?!?!

Fuck.

Trying to be proactive, I posted a profile on an online dating site right before Thanksgiving. The very next week, I found out my mother has cancer again. For those of you who haven't yet found yourself 38, lonely and dateless; flirting shamelessly through emails with guys on a dating site and deciding whether to go bowling with mrlovemachine23987* or have coffee with bitterdivorcevictim69* when your mother has cancer... just doesn't sit right in your head and heart.

A few days after the news sunk in... I began to realize that not only was my mother's mortality in jeopardy, my grandparents are all "getting long in the tooth." They are all in their late 70's to late 80's. Again... the simple math comes into play here. They aren't going to live forever, no matter how hard I wish them to. What will my life be like once everyone is gone? Family is everything to me.

This is when the "kid thing" surfaced in my brain. I think the kid thing has always been there, but I buried it amongst the fear and selfishness that seems so much more affordable than years of diapers, school shoes, braces and college tuition. And let's not forget it only takes one person to be afraid and selfish. If I recall correctly, it takes two people for the kid thing... and at least 20 minutes.

So here I am... trying to find a way to make this all work. Trying to find a way to be there for my mother, but not lose myself at the same time. Trying to find a way to lose the weight I gained while sitting on my ass as life passed me by... and trying to find "the one."