Happy New Year!!!

I'll be heading into the wilderness in the morning to celebrate New Year's with my family. Granny will be turning 87!!! Yowza!

I'm hoping to get some great photos and maybe even score some driftwood. At the very least, I'll be enjoying some time with my dad's side of the family. Some 15 of us stuffed into a rustic cabin in the forest...

Have a Happy New Year one and all!

Blog atchya in a couple days!

Married With Children

At 10:30 this morning, I went to June and Si's to do their housecleaning. They are the cutest couple! Si is 88, and June is 86. They have been married for 70 years! 70! I'm not even sure I'll live 70 years, and considering I haven't had a relationship that lasted more than 70 days in over two years, I'm not sure I'll ever be married for one year. Hell, not even one minute!

I couldn't help but admire the longevity that was contained within the walls of that house. Their carpeting has not a single stain, or wear pattern, and they have had it for 20 years. The console T.V. June left on from morning til' night, every day, for the last 22 years, just quit working. Family photos, trinkets, and heirlooms... all decades old, yet still in pristine condition. Their marriage... still going strong. They... are still going strong.

As I dusted photos of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, I began to wonder what I was missing. I currently have one photo of a family member displayed in my house: my mother. I have no husband. No kids. And surely no grandkids. Is this one of the secrets to a long and happy life?

Not only do they not make things like they used to, we don't appreciate things the way older generations do. I'll be seeing my own grandmother Wednesday, and I guarantee she will be wearing her light blue ski coat. The same ski coat she has worn every winter since I've been alive!

We toss away things so easily. Tire of them. Never have them long enough to begin appreciating them, because we are always in search of the "bigger," "better" one. This goes for people too! I love watching films from the early years, when a man met his future date's parents at the door, with flowers for the mother, and a nervous handshake for the father. Growing up in a single parent home, this scenario couldn't have happened in my teenage years... but the thought of how differently things would have been fascinates me.

June had asked me if I was married. She asked me that last time, but her memory often fails her. "Oh. I was going to ask if you had kids," she said. June comes from a time where having children without a husband wasn't common, so she didn't consider the fact that I could have been a parent. "I haven't found the right one," I said. "In fact, I'm not even looking anymore." Then June follows with the same sentence every woman over 70 says to me, "Ohhhh you've got plenty of time, dear."

Um. No I don't, June. She must not have a clue as to how old I am, and that's just fine. But I am very aware that my reproductive years are very limited.

I love children, and I definitely have the "what would my kid look like/act like" curiosity that I think most people have, but I have no "ticking clock." In fact, my "clock" isn't even plugged in. As much as I would love to provide my mother with a grandchild, I definitely don't wish to be a single mother, especially not an unemployed one, living on welfare. I'd like to have a few things working in my favor before I procreate. I watched my mother struggle. I felt that struggle. I struggled. I'm holding out hope that I'll be able to have someone there with me... and that it happens before I'm barren, or my mother isn't able to enjoy being a grandmother.

But... I'm unemployed, receiving $14 a month in food assistance, at serious risk of falling permanently behind financially, and not even dating. And the truth is... I'm quite comfortable with the "no-kids" thing. I think that would change if I were to truly fall in love with someone that would stick around long enough to knock me up. I know I would survive being a single mother... I'm just not sure my kid would, and I'm not going to gamble with the psyche of a child willingly.

Breaking news! I might be breaking my night-owl curse! I have managed to remain awake for a solid 21.5 hours... if I can't sleep tonight... for more than four hours... I'm going to start sniffing glue.

This is Your Brain on Unemployment...

I thought I would stick to this morning's apparent theme, and share a photograph of my brain on unemployment. Okay, so it's really my breakfast, but it serves a dual purpose today. My brain, the egg, as you can see, has been broken apart, and partially demolished. However, the toast, my future, let's say, remains untouched... yet very near my mangled brain. I've literally chosen to consume my brain, rather than taste my future.

Yes, I have problems.

Anyway... I've decided to remain awake for as long as I can today. I've managed to get in a 30 minute workout. I think it is my first one for the entire month of December. Unfortunately, I do not have a "Big Brother" type surveillance system installed in my house, so you are unable to laugh uncontrollably when I attempt aerobic exercise. My 20 pound fluff-ball Maine Coon cat rather enjoys it when his "mommy" goes crazy and runs around the house. To add resistance, I toss him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, as I walk, or jog, in circles, through the living room, kitchen, and dining room. All the while, he purrs and squeals. Apparently, it wore him out, because he's currently sleeping in the slumped couch cushion that has become concave from his mild obesity.

After my feline-friendly workout, I started making breakfast, and attempted to break through the auto-mated unemployment system on the phone. When my misfortune first began, eight months ago, I could get right through. Today, it took at least twenty tries, and 45 minutes to connect successfully! I began a slight freak-out, wondering if I would connect before my 9 a.m. cutoff time. If that were the case, I would have had to wait until Thursday to call, and Monday to receive my check... potentially making my house payment late. They assign call times according to the last two digits of your social security number. Is my group growing too large for the allotted hour? There is a definite correlation between the increase in unemployment and the ability to access the system. I sense a total collapse, or, at least, reorganization of the system in the future.

While in the kitchen, my Northern male Hairy Woodpecker had settled onto the suet feeder for his own breakfast. I tried, once again, to snap a photo of him, but he flew off. Next comes the seemingly chubby Blue Jay. He escapes without a photograph as well! What is it with these birds? Don't they not know how desperately I need something to do? They must have quite keen eyesight, as they instantly detect my camera-wielding presence on the other side of the window.

That reminds me of a funny tale...

I was on the phone with my friend, Tonya, on the afternoon of the 23rd. I was telling her how I hadn't seen the birds at the feeder lately, and that the damn things won't let me take their picture.

"Mona. Birds fly south for the winter!"

Hilarious! She really didn't know that some species of birds remain local for the winter season. Not surprising, coming from her. She's not much of a nature girl. In fact, the only thing "natural" about her is... is... umm... her desire to eat? Huh. Complete loss, I am at one. It makes me wonder if she is truly that oblivious to anything that doesn't involve cell phones and shopping. As I explained to her that birds, such as my Woodpeckers, Blue Jays, and Cardinals, will remain local as long as there is a constant food source, she replied, "You really need to write a book."

Sure. About birds?


An interesting fact I learned Saturday night, while playing "Malarkey" with some professional bullshitter friends of mine: Woodpeckers do not get headaches from all that pecking because their beaks are not attached to their skulls. Now if any of you win money on "Jeopardy" because you learned this from reading my blog... I will demand 20% of your total winnings.

Today, I made a conscious choice. The choice to be civilized and eat my breakfast at my rarely-used dining room table. I'm not going to lie... I initially headed right for the couch, but the coffee table is a little cluttered from yesterday's lazy-fest. It was when I looked at the stack of Christmas cookie containers, and pair of empty Diet Coke cans, that my brain suggested I sit at the table.

Does anyone sit at the dining table to dine anymore?

My old boss at an electronics retailer decided that families not sitting at the dinner table anymore had contributed to our society's decline. I tend to believe that a bit. Growing up, we rarely sat at a table to eat. My mother even bought a fancy-shmancy oak dining set when the house had been remodelled, and I think we ate at it twice. (Look how I turned out!) The table now only serves as a support system for a bunch of dusty junk, and is unlikely to be used, as intended, ever again. I, on the other hand, have a dining room table that is meal-friendly. It is clean, and clutter free, yet, for some reason, when I eat, I mindlessly head for the couch, and my rump frumps into the cushion.

I'm actually so interested to know if people sit at their tables anymore, that I am going to post a poll... Let me know, HONESTLY, where you consume your meals most often.

Good? Morning

Good Morning "kids."

I'm still up. And I don't know how "good" that is. You see, when I find myself up at pre-normal people hours, I'm left to paid programming, pathetic pondering, and my own devices.

I have to call into the automated unemployment system this morning between 8 and 9 a.m. If I fall asleep now, I'll simply be taking another "nap." If I stay up, I'll surely be doing some napping mid afternoon, which could lead me to staying up until the wee hours... and repeating this insane cycle of sporadic sleep.

I also have an unconfirmed cleaning gig today. I can't confirm it at THIS hour, but if I could, I would certainly entertain the idea of a nap now, to encourage a more normal, productive day. If you would have asked me ten years ago, when I was a misguided, yet employed, late-twenties student/waitress/bartender/manager/administrative assistant, if I planned on being unemployed and cleaning houses once a month in my late 30's... I would have thought YOU to be crazy. Yet, here I am, doing just that. An amateur maid with a college degree, cleaning a friend's grandmother's house in an attempt to make ends meet... this is my life. What happened?

Oh yeah. The entire economy imploded...

I'm watching some show called the "Daily Buzz," and apparently a scientist in Australia is studying the effects of cocaine on honey bees in the hopes of better understanding human cocaine addiction. Huh? Aren't most of us under the impression that the population of honey bees has drastically declined, and therefore a sign of our impending doom? Is a stinger-weilding insect jiffed out on coke really a necessary addition to the madness of our world? I'm probably misinformed, but, I thought we were supposed to be finding ways to save the honeybee population, not turn them into coke-heads. What happened to the simplistic days of "This is your brain on drugs" commercials?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nl5gBJGnaXs

Oh yeah. They didn't work.

I think I'll have fried eggs this morning...

Where is the Crazy Gunman?

Where's a crazy gunman when you need one?

Seems our world is full of crazy people that wander around shooting innocent people in movie theatres, toy stores and at family Christmas parties. Yet, millions of people lay in wait for someone to put them out of their own misery. Why don't they volunteer their services to those who could truly use them?

Like me.

I went to sleep at a decent hour, for the first time in weeks, yet here I am, wide awake a mere four hours later... at 3 a.m. Please shoot me! I truly can't take this sleeplessness much longer! I remember learning about the debilitating affects of sleep deprivation in psychology, and I'm also aware that not getting enough sleep depletes the immune system.

This means I am one semi-crazy, half-dead duck!

And I'm up poisoning your minds while you innocently rest in your beds!

The Haunting

Due to the fact that I, myself, often question my own level of sanity, I have been hesitant to share a bizarre story with you...

I'm being haunted by coffee!

Yes, coffee.

The distinct smell of coffee, one of my absolute favorite simple pleasures, teases my olfactory senses randomly. It happened again today! In fact, I can smell coffee right now!

What is so bizarre about that, you ask?

I haven't made coffee since Christmas morning. The smell was so strong and clear earlier this afternoon, that I actually wondered who was in my house making coffee. Has the "boogey man" broken in and helped himself to a steaming cup of dark roast? And if he has, why hasn't he delivered a cup to my nightstand? Is he not aware that the gravitational forces between my ass and my mattress are so strong that I have been unable to get out of bed today?

This strange phenomenon has occurred sporadically for several months. Despite my secret fascination with dork-friendly shows such as "Ghost Hunters" or "Paranormal State," I have yet to find a plausible explanation for this caffinated craze.

If I recall correctly, this "haunting" only occurs when I am in bed. My bedroom is near the kitchen, and the coffee pot is approximately 25 feet away from my perch. However, as I said earlier, I haven't actually brewed coffee in three days. I don't notice any smell of coffee when I am in the kitchen, the coffee ground containers are sealed, and my coffee pot is clean.

Is this some sort of devine intervention? A "wake (the fuck) up call?"

M.I.A!

Missing in Action.

Mona in Atrophy.

I have been at a loss for words; and a general loss for true emotion lately. Sleep is inconsistent, and at times: impossible. I awake with non-specific anxiety, and a sore jaw from grinding my teeth while I indulge my "chronic napping*."

What the hell is the answer here?

This is what troubles me.

Being a solution-minded individual, the unconquerable forces of the economy are demolishing my brain! I feel completely powerless! I am able and willing to work! And at this point, some eight months after losing my job to the very economy I speak of, getting a job is critical to my sanity and self worth. I am here to tell you that unemployment is perhaps the most destructive condition I have ever encountered!

One of the most prevalent symptoms is a lack of brain function. I can't remember shit! I might have one important obligation in a week, and I literally have to write it down. After I have written it down, I have to pray to God that I know what damned day it is, in the hopes that I will fulfill my solitary commitment! This is quite disturbing to me, considering I have always managed a very demanding schedule, such as working and attending school full-time.

Another issue is the feeling of unimportance, a lack of relevance in the big, busy, world around you. You are no longer a contributing member of society. No longer contributing to your bank account! Having no social obligations, and no money to attend any, leads to the virtual erasure of your existence. This is not a comfortable nor encouraging feeling!

Add to that, the mandatory negativity! If I were to look at my current situation in an entirely positive light, I would be severely delusional, and possibly committed to the local mental institution. Not my idea of a good time! Therefore, I have to acknowledge that I may NOT find a job for a good long while. I also have to acknowledge that there are thousands of people in the same state of unemployment as myself, that are also competing for the ever elusive jobs that I am applying for. The number of postings are drastically declining, as the rates of unemployment and utility costs skyrocket! This is not an easy battle to fight! It's like going to Iraq with a squirt gun and expecting to come out alive.

I busted my ass to obtain a $36,000 "American Dream." And now the world is trying to convince me that this is not a plausible accomplishment. What?! I'm not trying to live above my means, not trying to impress people with my Lexus, or my Country Club membership. I am simply trying to maintain my financial independence, and keep a tattered-shingle, and occasionally leaking, roof over my head. I refuse to believe that America cannot provide enough opportunities for such a "dream" to exist.

I, also, refuse to believe that the world has forgotten me, and that my place and purpose in this life has been permanently removed. Yet, I fail to find the solution. So I continue to atrophy...

Trial and tribulation has led me to a strong sense of being. I know that if I had my way, I would be a creative professional. A writer. Photographer. Interior re-designer. Quick-witted t-shirt producer... successful smartass. This is all intensely clear to me. However, finding the means to actualize this self-actualization, without a salary or savings account, has muddied my mind.

Damn't!

I have now begun to seek the advice of friends and family to gauge the level of realism of my potential career adventures. The majority of people I speak with seem to agree that I have some level of talent in these areas. I agree that I have the "balls" to give them a shot... I'm just not sold on the notion that I have the financial means to break through the seemingly impenetrable wall between dreams and reality. "I think I can" does not pay the mortgage.

I suppose this multiple-paragraph babble-fest could have started and ended with one question, "Where do I begin?"

"Where DO I begin?"

(chronic napping- Chronic napping occurs when an individual is unable to sleep for periods of time exceeding four hours. This individual is therefore in a chronic state of sluggishness and sleeps sporadically during the day and night. Rest achieved is most consistent with the term "nap." These individuals mimic the symptoms of narcoleptics, but can only dream of dreaming.)

That's Hot?

"Unemployment" has made AOL's "Hot Searches" list.

I'm hear to tell you that there is nothing hot about unemployment! Scarlett Johansson also made the list. I'm not into chicks, but I'm sure the guys would argue that "hot" more accurately describes Ms. Scarlett.

I guess if you try to justify the hotness of unemployment, you might argue that you get hot walking the snow covered streets looking for a job because you can't afford to drive your car. Or, you might get hot from the frustration of sending out resumes, or searching for jobs that don't exist. Your feet might get hot, in the middle of the night, from the wool socks you are wearing because you can't afford to turn the heat up. And, I guess the same could be true for your hands and head. Sleeping in a hat and gloves is also likely to cause some late-night hotness.

So there ya have it. Not only has unemployment ruined my future plans, it has also ruined my argument that there is nothing hot about it. Shit!

Maybe I should stick to Scrabble. That's hot!

High School (Without the Musical)

My boyfriend from sophomore year in high school and I got back in touch in the last year. We hadn't even seen each other in 16 years! The other day, while Christmas shopping with my Mother, I ran into him at Target.

He looks exactly the same.

Last night he had invited me over for dinner. Having spent the day in sweats to keep warm, I was hardly feeling up to the task of transforming back into an attractive woman. But... it was surely time to get out of the house and experience a little life; so I went.

We had just gotten pelted with a big snow storm. Our state budget is so strapped that roads are not being plowed. This made for some seriously adventurous driving! I loved it!

He cooked shrimp alfredo. He likes to cook. Plus. We ate dinner and then watched the movie "Disturbia." Afterwards, we watched a few programs on Animal Planet... and then he kissed me. We hadn't kissed in 20 years! It's so bizarre to be able to say I haven't done anything in 20 years. I'm that old! Yikes!

Both of us took completely different paths after high school. He has worked the same job for 18 years, was married for 10 years, and had two kids. I was in and out of college and wayward relationships, never married and never had kids. I thought him to be a bore in theory, but after we spoke, I discovered him to be rather interesting. Not as closed-minded as I thought. Is there chemistry? I'm not sure, and I'm not overly concerned about it. As I stated in a previous post, I'm not really motivated to date right now. I'm in a state of nothingness. Not a bad one. Not a sad one. Just kind of blank. Casually awaiting my next direction in life.

Wanted: RYAN from MySpace!!!

So I had made a nice new friend on MySpace. He had told me he was leaving MySpace and left his email address in the last email he sent to me. Little did I know that when he deleted his account, everything VANISHED!!!! I hadn't written it down!!!!



So... on a wing and a prayer... I'm hoping that RYAN reads this blog, and sends me an email through this page!!!!



RYAN if you are out there... please send me a message or a comment so we can stay in touch!

Grab a Shovel

My blog is busted! For some reason I cannot get the spellcheck or photo feature to work properly. This leaves me at risk for serious mispelled boredom! If I were some kind of computer whiz, I'd have it all figured out. I might even have a job too!

I caught an episode of the show "Secret Millionaire" tonight. Wow! It's about millionaires who pose as less fortunate people, and then decide who to give money to. I got all teary-eyed watching this semi-selfish man transform into a compassionate do-gooder.

I have only wanted wealth in my own life for one reason: to help others. The truth is, we don't have to wait until that someday comes. We all have many gifts to give. Right here. Right now. It's been almost a year since my last stint volunteering, and I miss it. Not only does helping another person feel great, it reminds you of your own abundance. Being of service allows you to see how much you truly have and forget the meaningless things you longed for.

I could kick myself in the ass for not getting back on the volunteer scene sooner, but I'm currently sitting on it. A few weeks ago, I posted a profile on a volunteer site and requested a volunteer form for a local agency... but it is still on my desk with many blanks to fill. So my goal now is to get a volunteer gig going no later than the end of the first week of the new year!

Volunteers have always been a critical resource within a community, but now, more than ever, volunteers may be the only hope our state (and country) has to sustain itself. Michigan's unemployment rate is skyrocketing daily, and the state had to borrow money from the federal government to fund unemployment benefit payments. This means Michigan is even more broke, and more cuts will take place. Just where those cuts will be is yet to be determined, but one possibility is a cut to unemployment benefits.

The big picture ain't pretty kids.

The reality is that if we all don't grab a shovel and help dig us out of this tragic hole, we might as well skip the trip to the grocery store and start swallowing dirt. People have been hurting for years, and the employed are becoming a minority. People need food, clothing, and shelter. Jobs. Health care. A kind ear. Compassion. Time. Most of these can easily be found in abundance in our own homes (excluding jobs and health care, of course). Hell, I don't have much financially, and I've got some clothes to donate, and definitely some time!

So let me pose a challenge to you: get out there and do something! One hour. One coat. One can of beets. One bag of pet food. Make the difference that is so desperately needed. You... that's all we need.

What Isn't New

I'd say I was about to tell you what's new, but nothing is new. In fact, things are oddly the same.

I've been coasting since Saturday. I allowed myself Sunday to rest, but I can't really explain the last few days! I did spend time with my mother shopping, and have also written my usual over-abundance of Christmas cards.

Boys? Shmoys! Boys have been far, far, far from my mind. The Irishman has semi-disappeared, C.F. has not corresponded with me in a few weeks. I never got my coffee mug back from R!!!!! (That's the last time I kindly give coffee away in one of my coveted mugs!) It would be romantic to have someone share the snow-covered, warm glow of the holidays with... but only if that someone were someone I was truly interested in. I just don't think I'm open to it.

The day-to-day uncertainty of my finances and future employment seem to envelop my thoughts. I try not to obsess or stress about it, but I can never truly forget it! Until I have some sort of consistency, I don't think dating will be on the agenda.

Despite a very high percentage of people in my state being unemployed as well, not working has taken a hit on my pride! Does this make me less dateable? Less attractive as a partner? I don't know how I feel about it myself!

Humbug? Bah!

So this Christmas is a little grim financially... what are ya gonna do? As much as I would love to shower friends, family, and strangers with gifts, I just can't afford to. I've gotten some much needed emotional support from some very selfless people this year, and I would love to reward them with a cool gizmo, flowers, or a great book; but this year, my sincere gratitude will have to suffice. That's the natural cycle of things: the fortunate give to the less fortunate. Fortunately, I've usually been on the more fortunate side of things, so this is very new to me.

But I couldn't forget my grandparents, mother, or brother! And I have a couple younger cousins that I couldn't ignore either! Luckily, I scored some clearanced three-packs of photo frames at Hobby Lobby. They were $8.16 each, making the frames a mere $2.72 individually. I used my printer to produce copies of a photo of me in my graduation cap and gown and put them in the frames for the grandparents, as well as framing copies of a picture of my grandparents kissing on their 45th wedding anniversary for their daughters. Sometimes the sentimental gifts are those that are most appreciated, and I'm betting on that this year.

I truly can't afford to spend ANY money, but again, there were those I could not forget. I also printed some photos from our family reunion and placed them inside family Christmas cards to add a sense of "gift" giving. It's hard when you want so badly to return the kindness and generosity people have shown you and you just don't have the means. UGH! Hopefully everyone knows how much I love and appreciate them and next holiday season I'll be in a better place financially.

Dreams

I just wanted to write a quick note to all of you lovely people.

In twelve hours I will be attending my FIRST college graduation... at the age of 37. I started college at 18! However, a lot of life, and a little silliness interrupted my coursework through the years, so my four year plan turned into an eighteen year plan.

No matter what life threw at me, I had always wanted to finish, and I NEVER thought this day would come. But here it is, and I'm finally feeling like I've done something. I have fulfilled a dream.

My message: never give up, and never forget. Things may not go the way you have planned them to, but you may always pick up where you left off. Sometimes I think we live in a world full of distractions... always pulling us in so many different directions that we easily forget which path we were on. Don't forget to honor who YOU are and what YOU truly want to do with your life. We only get one chance.

Thank you for your friendship and support.

Uncomfortably Numb

My graduation commencement is this Saturday. Some 18 years after I originally began college, many "breaks" (some legitimate, some not), and a lot of struggle, I managed to finally finish what I started.

And it has taught me something, I kind of already knew. I don't know how to feel special, or celebrated.

I crave attention, just like anyone else does, but something about an event intended solely to celebrate your own accomplishments, seems selfish to me. I don't see anything wrong with it when it is someone else. In fact, I LOVE to throw parties for other people. I love to make other people feel special. So why do I feel I don't deserve this? Is it that?

Throughout my life, I have had an inner fear of failure. A nagging feeling of not being good enough, or not living up to my true potential. And even though I don't feel I have been truly successful yet, I have achieved many things, often with the odds highly stacked against me. But, instead of immersing myself in a sense of satisfaction or pride... I feel nothing! I literally feel nothing when I think of my graduation! What the hell?

I know that part of my numbness is my personal belief that a college education does not completely validate a person's intelligence level, nor guarantee their future success. Many brilliant and successful people, in fact, some of the most successful people, did not finish high school. And despite my mild insecurity, I've never felt the need to say "I have a degree in such and such, and I've hung out with this famous person and that famous person, as well as having a bazillion dollars in the bank." Bazillion dollars? Ha! Try thirty-five!

Another contributing factor to my apathy is my personal unfamiliarity with celebration. The only parties I recall are two childhood birthday parties, my 21st birthday party (ouch), and being named employee of the year... but that was at the company Christmas party, so it wasn't "all about me." My family and friends are sprawled across the country, and the business of life has always gotten in the way for other "special" events. I'm not used to a fuss!

Lastly, giving things feels great to me. Receiving them: weird. Really! Now I certainly appreciate a present or some cash... but it does feel weird! I get all nervous, wondering if I showed enough gratitude, if I said "thank you" with enough conviction.

Yeah. I'm a mess. An educated mess, but still a mess. And that's okay! One thing I have learned in my "old age" is that everyone has their own quirks, issues, and struggles. I sure as hell wasted a lot of time beating myself up for a lot of things that just make me "me." And I'm really hoping to learn how to truly love myself before I croak. I'm getting there. I really am. Maybe I have a fear of failing at being me!

The Latest...

So... I've been kind of busy, and of course, kind of lazy. Luckily for you, this means less incoherent babbling to sift through!

Despite feeling my apparently anxiety-fueled chest pains, and a bit of depression Friday night, I decided to stick to my plans to meet up with a friend on Saturday. I wasn't sure that I was physically or emotionally up to it, but we actually had a great time, and I was glad to have gotten out of my house!

Saturday: Chit-chat. Dinner at the Japanese restaurant... including "Monkey Balls!"

Sunday: Chit-chat. Shot photographs at the local park... until my batteries crapped out on me!

Monday: Researched graduation info. Errands with my friend, including a great sweater purchase! Ruby Tuesday's for breakfast/lunch/dinner... "brenchinner.*" Barnes and Noble for Pumpkin Spice Lattes and book grazing. Home. Scrabble Games. Two chapters in Microsoft Office 2007.

Also... I'm trying to plan for my graduation on Saturday. They limit your tickets and I need TWO more. I'm hoping to get them, because if I don't, I will have to tell my aunt and uncle that they can't come. The sad thing is, I have zero emotion about it really. Maybe that will change, but right now, graduation seems like an avoidable pain in the ass to me! My cap is too small, I don't have enough tickets, basically have to plan my own party, and the weather is supposed to be awful. WooHooooooo!??!?!?!?

Loading My Weapons

Well, this week has been pretty slow for job hunting. I had one telephone interview for the part-time job at the community college, and got rejected for future consideration. I only located one posting remotely matching my qualifications, and sent out my application, resume and cover letter.

It's time for a new approach, a refined plan of attack.

Because our local news reports at least 300 job losses in our state daily, I have decided to ditch the "on the job training" option for the program I entered at the unemployment office. With jobs disappearing at this rate, enlisting the staff to help me find what isn't there just doesn't make sense. So, I have decided to take an aggressive approach to maximize my time and options.

I officially began the process to start my tuition reimbursement option, and have decided to pursue an Associate's degree in Human Services. Due to the overwhelming number of people in the program, my official appointment won't occur until January 28th. This means that I will either have to use student loans to get started right away in January, or wait until April for the next classes to start. Wait? More waiting? While the whole world falls apart? No thanks!

My plan of attack will be to take at least two classes beginning in January. My previous credits earned there, in addition to my transferring credits from the university, will hopefully make this a short journey. While I am waiting for classes to start, I will be teaching myself Spanish with CDs I checked out from the library. I also picked up a "Teach Yourself Visually Microsoft Office" book. The goal now is to acquire as much ammunition as possible to job hunt with my "guns a blazin'!"

Planning a return to school before my Bachelor's of Science degree commencement even occurs seems kind of nutty to me... but serious things are going on in this world of ours, things that require serious action!

Scrabble Babble

So, I've got myself a problem. I've become an addict. A Scrabble addict. Seems there is a Scrabble game online, and since I have no job, nor screaming children to tend to... I find myself playing Scrabble, a tad bit obsessively.

I'd call myself a nerd, but that's only a five point word, unless you place it on a double word square. So, I'm going to call myself a dork... a much better choice at nine points.

As a kid (seven points), I remember playing Scrabble at grandma's house being a damn good time, especially after learning all sorts of "grown up" words (nine points) in third grade. So, my little love affair (twelve points) with words has been my longest running romance (eleven points).

Last Christmas, a fancy (thirteen points) Scrabble game was on my list. Seems through the ingenuity (thirteen points) of some Parker Brothers game board designer, they now make the games on a turntable. Back in the day, my forward-thinking grandma placed the board on a lazy (sixteen points) susan. Good idea, however, not for an overly-eager, overly-dorky, too-hard turning kid who seemed to always make the letters fly off the edges from the sudden centripetal (fourteen points) force!

I got TWO Scrabble games last Christmas, both with the turntable feature, and one being the fancy-shmancy "Black Onyx" edition. The only time I have opened the games was to use them as props for photographs (see above). I actually have a friend or two that would happily (fifteen points) play. Why haven't I elisted them for the vocabulary (twenty points!) induced torture? Have I become an introvert? No way! Extrovert is worth seven more points!

So here I sit, on my sure-to-be-growing-wider-soon ass, about ready to log on for my fix (thirteen points). And in the privacy (seventeen points) of my own home, I'll be talking outloud to my opponent, telling them to hurry up, getting pissed when they let the timer run out more than one time, and honestly getting excited (sixteen points) when I kick their ass!

I figure, I'm exercising (seventeen points) my brain and hopefully preventing the onset of Alzheimer's, although, living the unemployed (seventeen points) life doesn't require much of a memory (thirteen points). I'm expanding my vocabulary as well, which allows me to more effectively (twenty four points, yes!!) annoy the shit out of any remaining friends I may have in my life. I don't think an intervention will be necessary, at least not until I stop looking for jobs and decide I'll make a living on the National Scrabble Association circuit and wear adult diapers to prevent game interruption!

Most Popular, Budget Friendly Gift Guys Give Their Ladies

Hey. Times are tough!

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=FgXvR97Wk6g

Adequate box: free
Wrapping paper and bow: $3.50
Getting "bitch-slapped" : priceless!

REJECTED!

It has been less than four hours since my telephone interview transpired, and I just received my "Dear John" email to inform me that I was not selected as one of the finalists in the continuing interview process.

Normally, I would say this really sucks, however, I have to say it's kind of nice to know your fate so quickly. Hell, it took them five weeks to get to the telephone interview stage. At least I don't have to wait another five weeks to find out that I didn't get the job.

How will the bills get paid? How will Santa come? Lemonade stand? Nope. Too cold, and hot cocoa is too expensive. Car wash? Again, too cold. Can't donate my eggs. It takes too long and mine are about to expire anyway. I wonder how long it takes to start a catfish farm? Seems like the start up cost wouldn't be too bad, but since it's winter, I suppose I'd have to clear out some furniture to make room for the indoor pond. I could get knocked up, but I'm not sure the state-funded support is going to be there, and I'm not much for children as meal-tickets. Besides, I'd like someone else to share the dirty diaper duty with me.

Hmm...

Well; there ya have it. Not sure what lies ahead, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless!

The Telephone Interview

I just finished my telephone interview with the community college... and I honestly have no clue how it went! I had a terrible time sleeping last night and was repeatedly awakened by noise, cats, and good ol' fashioned anxiety!

The people on the phone were nice. It was a conference call on speaker phone. How intimidating to have a group of people you have never met listening to you fumble your words! I HATE speaker phone! Always have!

Looking back, I probably should have taken a little more time to collect my thoughts after the questions. The woman I was on the phone with was talking quite rapidly! I had a pen and paper to make notations on, but I couldn't keep up!

The position is part-time and offers a standard work week of about 20 hours, with extended hours during the peak of enrollment. Of course, I forgot to ask what the wage was! As if money means nothing to me these days! WHAT?

I usually interview very well, here's hoping that I didn't bomb this one! Surely, I would prefer a full-time position, however, in light of the economy and the length of time I've been out of work... I'll take what I can get! Gotta start somewhere!

I wonder how long it takes crossed fingers to go numb!

12-Step Program for the American Economy?

The first step to recovery is admitting there is a problem.

Today's news finally states that, yes, our economy is in a recession. In fact, it has now been admitted that we have been in this recession for over a year now.

No Shit?

Okay. So it's time for rehab, Mr. American Economy. You'll be needing a sponsor. Let me recommend Warren Buffet...

Mr. American Economy, you have admitted that you were powerless over money, and that your spending had become unmanageable. Congratulations. Step one of your program has been successfully completed.

Let's get to step two. "Came to believe that a Power greater than yourself, Mr. American Economy, could restore you to sanity." Looks like you have a few choices for that "power" here: bailouts, criminal charges, soaring unemployment rates, borrowing from the lead-ridden country of China, or plead with your sponsor, Warren Buffet.

Step Three: "Made a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understood him." Oh, I'm sure you're praying... hell, you've been on your knees for awhile!

Step Four: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself." I suggest you take your time with this one, Mr. American Economy. Admitting you are a sodomist and have been stickin' it to the asses of innocent Americans, isn't going to make you a popular guy.

Step Five: "Admitted to God, yourself, and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs." Do we have time for this?Step Six: "Were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character." I'm not sure that you are ready for this removal, Mr. American Economy, however, since down-sizing appears to be trendy, and you've removed just about everything else, including the American public's dignity... why not just go with it?

Step Seven: "Humbly asked him to remove your shortcomings." What's that up to now? About $975 bazillion trillion?

Step Eight: "Made a list of all persons you had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." Might sound like quite a task, but this basically means the entire world population. You can start with me, and a check for $100,000...

Step Nine: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." Trust me, I won't be injured by that check for $100,000; and if you can't come up with it, give me Sarah Palin's campaign wardrobe and I'll hock the shit on Ebay.

Step Ten: "Continued to take personal inventory and when you were wrong promptly admitted it." Uh... I'd focus on the prompt part, there is no "inventory" left.

Step Eleven: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with God as you understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for you and the power to carry that out." I'm pretty sure He doesn't want you to keep screwin' millions of people, so don't overthink it, Mr. American Economy.

Step Twelve: "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, you tried to carry this message to failing economies, and to practice these principles in all of your affairs." Well... surely we've all seen the light, thankfully, right before the electricity gets cut off.

Best of luck to you in your recovery, Mr. American Economy... unfortunately, I have a feeling this is going to take a lot more than 28 days.