A Good Date? Really?!

Went on my Sunday date. The results are in:

I might just go on my first second date since entering the online dating arena!

Woah!

This guy was the first I had gone out with without excessive amounts of emailing. In fact, I didn't even know what he did for a living, and I must say, this is the way to go. If you get wrapped up in too much messaging, you miss out on the "natural" ways of getting to know each other and go into a date with all of these preconceived notions and expectations.

He was cute. We had similar life experiences. He has never been married and has no children and he mentioned that he wants to get married and have kids. Hmmm.

He did seem to be a little nervous. I was his first online date. Apparently, his family has been pressuring him to get dating and his sister in law actually signed him up to the dating site. We had good conversation, and parted with a hug.

"I hope we can do this again sometime," he said.

I hope we can too.

Me, Myself, and Why

It's Saturday night again! Theoretically, I should be on a date, however, I opted to stay home tonight. Why? Because I'm the kind of girl that enjoys peaceful evenings at home... yet another contributing factor to my never-ending singlehood.

Today was just a great day! Simple and great. I slept in. Cooked myself some eggs over easy, toast, and made some fresh ground coffee. The fresh ground coffee indulgence resulted from my train trip and the great date that went nowhere. So again, all was not lost by taking the risk and later receiving a "Dear Jane" email. The "good" guy works for a well known bakery that has it's own coffee line so I picked up a couple bags of beans, and later, a coffee bean grinder, and I've been in coffee heaven ever since!

Later, I went to care for Chester. I was happy to find him awake and watching his beloved basketball intently. He spoke for the first time in months! I got him some A&W Root Beer and some Junior Mints, both of which he helped himself to. I try to encourage him to use his mind since he is unable to move about on his own, so these small feats are very encouraging.

When I arrived home, I made a meat loaf with red peppers, black beans, red onions, and corn. Absolutely delicious it was! Not only did I enjoy eating it, I enjoyed the confidence that some day, I will cook the same thing for someone special, and they will enjoy it too.

Tonight, I committed to meeting an online suitor for dinner in the town I was born in. It's half way for both of us. We haven't chatted an awful lot, so perhaps, this experience will be more exciting because we'll be getting to know each other in person instead of over the wireless waves. I also booked a lunch date with another fellow on Tuesday. We have spoken several times... Sunday's guy is single with no children. Tuesday's guy is divorced with three. We'll see how it goes!

The Fox Hole

I'm back from my date...

I have to say he was cuter than expected, which has been the case for my last three online dates. Not a bad thing, except the rest of the good date goodies seemed to be missing. This fella appeared to be super nervous, was totally unfamiliar with sushi and chopsticks, and told some tales that seemed a bit tall.

Me... I felt pretty, and I was completely comfortable, unlike I felt last week. I kept thinking that if I just would have stuck with my standard ponytail and worn this outfit last week,that maybe things with the good guy would have gone better. But yes, that's a trap, and I'm trying not to fall into it.

Unlike the reported lack of chemistry from Mr. Last Week, this guy not only praised me, he said I looked like Megan Fox(right photo)! I have little clue who the hell she is, but I do know that she has been the "it" girl for men to dream about and rumor has it she is taking Angelina Jolie's Goddess throne. I'm not going to say I'm mad about him saying that, but I will say I'm more inclined to believe he said it in the hopes of winning me over. Considering my girlfriend just yesterday said that when she saw me last summer I reminded her of Jeneane Garofalo (left photo)... I'm gonna guess this guy was hoping flattery would make my skirt fall off.

I can say the food was absolutely amazing and there were many handsome men about town, but, for me, this date, well, it wasn't hot. Seems to be a nice guy, but not for me. So here I sit, in my cute skirt, camisole and cashmere cardigan, typing to mysterious strangers on a Saturday night...

Ah the single life.

Out There

Out there. I'm getting out there!

This morning the sun actually visited my windowsills, and I felt ready to get out there and seize the day! Or clean every nook and cranny of my house, reorganizing everything in sight! For some, that's an easy choice, but for me, that is one serious dilemma. You see, I've spent so much time in my house as a result of the stint of unemployment, mom's cancer, and just plain freezing cold weather, that sometimes leaving seems like too much of a hassle.

But, today, I chose to get out and drove off into the country to give one of my freelance design clients a consultation. She bought a glorious old farmhouse and has gutted it. Now, she is seeking my trusted advice on how to begin finishing walls, trim, and the other magical details that make a home a home. The drive itself was satisfying...

Once I returned to the city, I stopped by Walgreen's to pick up supplies for my impulse decision to wax my upper lip. "Blessed" with a thin blond mustache, I thought I would cave in to social pressure and wax that sucker off. No one has ever really pointed it out, and I'm not sure anyone will even notice that it's gone, but I'll be honest in saying that I rid myself of it just in case it is the one silly thing between me and Mr. Right. Stupid? Perhaps... but let me tell you the pain served well as punishment if it was indeed ignorant. OUCH!

So... feeling an itch to get out and dreaming about sushi, I have committed to a last minute date with a man that has been messaging me for weeks. He seems to have a good personality, but the physical attraction level will remain to be seen. He might have an odd love for studly sunglasses and weird unbuttoned, button down shirts that I don't necessarily share a fondness for... but... I'm willing to give it a try.

I'm meeting him in a town that is a half an hour away at a new sushi restaurant I haven't been to yet. Oh am I ever craving some sushi and wasabi! I've worn jeans on every date thus far, so I think I'll mix it up with a skirt tonight. But, I'm skipping the overdone hair that I feel may have turned off my "good guy" from last week and probably opting for my ponytail. For those of you who have seen the movie "The Ugly Truth," there is a part where Girard Butler tells her that a woman should never wear a ponytail unless she's cleaning a toilet or changing the cat litter... that men don't like it. Well, I really think my Audrey Hepburnish ponytail is cute and sexy... and it's me. So screw him!

We'll see how that works for me....

Great Date- 1 Love Connection- none

Well... just as I suspected, my good guy date wasn't feeling the chemistry. Being the good guy he is, he sent me a nice email confessing so. I hadn't felt any butterflies or tingles either, but, I was willing to go out with him a few times and see if he wasn't just one of those people that become irresistible once you truly know them. My theory was that since what I have been doing for years hasn't worked yet... that I ought try new approaches.

When I had first looked at his photo, I almost clicked right past him, but I took the time to read what he wrote and decided I would give it a go... He had mentioned that he pondered whether or not to contact me for a week... so I believe he was experimenting with being open to those who aren't his "type" as well.

I did enjoy the entire experience so it was worth the risk. He mentioned a future friendship, which would be lovely. Regardless, I have no regrets.

Unfortunately, I haven't come across too many new potential suitors, so as of today, I have no dates on the week's agenda. But this experience has taught me to change my approach and skip all of the time consuming electronic banter. Instead, I'll find out the important stuff, set up a meeting, and move on if the sparks aren't there. Funny how a gal who is so passionate about efficiency got so tangled up in wasting time!

Bad Boys - 0 Good Guys- 1

Congratulations, all you good guys out there! One of your representatives showed me a fabulous time this weekend, without showing me his, well, you know.

He was on time to pick me up from the station, opened doors, treated me to a delicious meal in a swanky restaurant, engaged well in conversation, never checked/used his phone, made zero attempts to violate my person, and was a very gracious host.

My only complaint is that having not encountered a gentleman in such a long time, I am a little unsure as to whether he was "in to me" or not. An older male friend of mine reprimanded me for thinking a man would NOT be in to me. Flattering... but I'm very aware that I'm not every man's cup of tea. He has told me that he's more of an introvert, so shyness is also a possibility. Regardless of whether he was interested in me or attracted to me, I had a great time, and I hope that he enjoyed himself as well.

The train ride was an absolute joy. Taking in the passing scenery through the rail car window was very soothing, as was the elimination of worry regarding traffic or directions. His home and neighborhood have a distinct historical charm. Downtown was aglow with tiny white lights in the branches lining the streets. Breakfast this morning was equally delicious and beautiful. The train ride home seemed to simply go too fast...

When I returned home, I was sure to write him a thank you with a subtle hint that I'm interested. I listed the "highlights" of my trip, which he had asked me about in person at the station this afternoon. Of course, I retreated into shy mode and generalized my gratitude. This thank you email included a more specific list of the highlights, including commenting him on his eyes. Not too mushy or gushy. Just a hint of flirtation...

Oh GR8 Pre-Date

Tomorrow is my big adventure by train for a first date in an eastern town... and I had been looking forward to it all week... until today. Even though I earlier weighed in a loss of four pounds for the week, I now bear the bloated burden of womanhood with a bonus case of moodiness.

Yesterday, I was the only person in the office until 10:00 a.m. Secretly, I was a little peeved because my co-workers didn't feel the need to report their delays and months ago I was reminded how important that was to do when I accidentally left a message on the wrong phone extension informing the staff of my own delay. You know, those rules that apply to you, but no one else that get on your last nerve. Anyway, after working all day, I went straight to Chester's so his wife, son and daughter in law could go to dinner, and immediately after that, I went to a city meeting to give a presentation for work. It was one long fucking day.

Of course, last night I slept poorly and when the alarm went off I was not thrilled. But, it was Friday, which meant I could get away with wearing jeans and a sweater, so I skipped all of the usual fuss and threw my hair into a ponytail. Morning routine time total: 20 minutes.

Continuing my crabbiness was morning traffic that included being stuck behind the I-don't-need-to-clean-snow-off-my-windows guy that weaves in and out of lanes blindly. After arriving at the office, I checked my email to see if a week long dispute over items I had ordered to have before my date weekend had been resolved, or even replied to. It hadn't.

Okay, now I am officially pissed off.

I spent over an hour, being transferred to and speaking with four different people, only to be put on the hold that really means you've been hung up on. I called back asking to speak with the person I was supposed to have been transferred to and again, the "please hold" oops-we-hung-up-on you thing.

Fucking pissed off.

Trying to defuse my anger, I attempted the old breathe deep thing while playing a song that usually makes me happy. I managed not to explode, however, the song did fail to bring me any short-term joy. Shortly thereafter, my co-worker attempted to resolve a similar three week long work-related situation. During her voicemail, she threatened to report them to the Better Business Bureau.

"You go girl!" I said excitedly. "Don't put up with that crap. What is it with businesses these days... in an economy like this?!"

"I know! It's bullshit!" she replied.

Simultaneously, we searched our computers for the Better Business Bureau site, gleefully hunting for complaint records. Finding comfort in our mutual misery, my spirits lifted. But I had so much work to do...

I managed to escape the office an hour early... which was an hour past my intended departure time. I was on the hunt for a date outfit (read jeans that actually fit), travel toothpaste, a good book to read on the train, and an overnight bag. On my way into a store, a man with his family smiled and nodded. As I went to say hello, I accidentally swallowed my gum!!

Finally! I'm smiling! Laughing! Who swallows gum at 38 years old?! I walked through the aisles giggling to myself as I noticed the minty taste at the back of my throat and thought about the bizarre (yet untrue) consequences parents tell you result from swallowing gum when you're a little kid.

For the most part, I found what I was looking for, and since the gum incident, I have been in a more pleasant mood. I did forget to stop at the library to get my book, but I'm going to my mom's to pluck one off her bookcase. Surely it will have that oddly pleasant "old book smell" and it's yellowed pages will add a touch of charm suitable to an afternoon train ride. I've started packing my bag and soon will paint my nails... beginning the tedious grooming rituals us women go through for our first dates.

I hope to sleep well, have a pleasant morning, and look smashing when I depart for the depot...

(to be continued...)

Gains, Trains, and Automobiles...

As I was losing excitement about dating, it seems I was gaining a little weight. Hardly the plan I agreed to with my co-workers, yes, I have gained 1 1/2 pounds since Superbowl Sunday. More accurately, I gained 1 1/2 pounds ON Superbowl Sunday. This small setback is not a complete disaster, but it is a source of frustration, considering I worked out 6 days out of 7 that week. And wouldn't it be nice to be able to comfortably slip into my "cute" jeans, instead of wrestling them over my now-rounder thighs, only to find the sight of these once cute jeans vacuum packed onto my ass slightly disturbing?

I'll admit that I have been tempted to temporarily postpone dating until I fit into those damn jeans again... but I'm just not that out of shape and I can't continue to allow myself to find reasons not to pursue romance in my life. It's truly an issue of finding something that fits properly and is season appropriate (we're buried in snow here) that makes you feel capable of attracting the opposite sex. If I were going to a business meeting... I'd have no qualms about it. 98% of my winter wardrobe is compiled of "work" clothes. The other 2%? Yeah, that's the shit that doesn't fit.

Disregarding our city-shutdown snowstorm, my ill-fitting clothes, and those ever-present first online date anxieties, I decided to take a risk for once. I just bought round-tip train tickets for this coming weekend so I can meet this fellow I've been corresponding with for a few weeks.

What?! Have I lost my bloody mind?

I've never ridden a train. I've never met this man. I've never ridden a train to meet a man I've never met! But, I've always wanted to ride a train, and I've always wanted to meet a nice man... so now I've gone and done it! What the hell I say. I think. By taking the train, I'll be trying something new, and I won't have to worry about bad roads, car accidents, or getting lost. I've ridden the subways in New York and the Metro in Paris... but never an "old school" rail car. The fellow is rather interesting to me: a nice mix of intelligence, humor, and creative drive. Our conversations have been mostly intellectual and have never included discussions of boobs, nor has he audibly urinated on the phone. Our date could be a little strange because it falls on Valentine's Day weekend and we are likely to be surrounded by googly-eyed lovebirds feeding each other cake with red frosting, but I think I'll take that over spending another "romantic" holiday alone, where it's safe, and boring.

Let it Be Known...

Let it be known that I do not have any intentions of going out with Wizzer again! There should be no confusion there. I wasn't terribly impressed with his behavior before his blatant disregard for human decency.

I'd like to point out that online dating is a daunting adventure and one could easily become jaded as a result of such repulsive experiences... Online dating sites are a literal paradise for perverts and predators seeking lonely, vulnerable women lacking self-esteem. And by predators, I don't necessarily mean rapists or murderers, I mean any man who seeks to take advantage of someone who is easily taken advantage of. Instead of being discouraged, I see these experiences as powerful reminders to honor and respect yourself and make the existence of that honor and respect a mandatory prerequisite. Don't start dating, especially seeking a relationship online, until you are of sound mind!

Are all the men on online dating sites shameless jerks looking to violate women? NO! But, you have to set healthy boundaries that don't allow the ones that are to put themselves in a position to violate your moral or physical makeup. It takes work.

I recently read an article about a woman who went on 100 dates in one year before she met the man she eventually married. I can tell you right now that I'm not likely to replicate that mission. That's 2 dates a week! How utterly exhausting! I've gone on two dates in three months... granted I had more serious things to worry about, like keeping my job and mom's cancer. Regardless, I'd rather do my best to make sure I don't have to meet another Wizzer than focus on scheduling 98 more dates before the end of the year. I still believe less is more.


Online dating isn't fun, but for those of us who work and don't wish to spend our evenings trying not to fall off a bar stool while we attempt to determine if there are actually two incredibly handsome identical twins in front of us or we've just had way too much to drink... it's a necessary evil.