Mission: Complete!

My work with the rental town home is complete! Today was spent touching up the paint throughout, repainting the railing, and cleaning up the materials. My client was on-site and not only did she ask if I would do more work for her, she has also referred me to another client, and encouraged the tenant that was moving out to hire me to do her work at her new home! Can't beat that kind of working relationship in our economy!

My only regret is that I didn't photograph the bathroom before and after, as that is truly my best work. I also wish I would have taken more photographs of the kitchen at different angles. But, I do have some evidence of the changes, and definitely word of mouth, which is still the best form of advertising in any form of business.

It feels so good to be finished! Mission: complete!

What the Bloody Hell is Wrong With People?

Never in my life have I deemed the extra 15% discount or free pair of socks worth the uncontrolled cart-ramming chaos of shopping on "Black Friday." It's fucking insane! PEOPLE are insane. There just isn't much else that needs to be said.

Please refer to the following articles for concrete evidence supporting my statement:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/29/business/29walmart.html?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/11/28/socal-toys-r-us-shooting_n_147032.html

What the bloody hell is wrong with people? Jesus, if that's what people will do to get a deal on a damn HD t.v., we are all in big trouble when this looming depression really hits! We will need body armor and Uzis just to survive the government cheese line...

Who takes loaded guns to a toy store?

How much did the poor Wal-Mart guy get paid an hour? And did no one notice a body under their feet?

Beyond tragic... inexcusable, unexplainable, senseless, idiotic, disgusting...

A Griswold Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time for good food, friends and family. A time for giving thanks. I shared the day with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and my brother in the peaceful country setting of my grandparent's home; until...

Moments after everyone had gathered in the dining room, shutgun blasts were echoing in the background. In the city, this may have been alarming, however, out in the serenity of the countryside, we all chalked it up to holiday hunting or target practice. As the boom of the gun fire continued, the giggles turned to "Geees"s and "That sounds kind of close!"

My grandparents then engaged in their typical turkey-slicing tiff. "Where is the spoon?!" The gravy spoon was missing and causing quite a stir. Apparently, it had submerged itself in the hot gravy. As grandpa tried to fish it out, his paper-towel potholder caught fire!!! With each panicked attempt to extinguish it, the flames became more intense. Okay, so we'll call the cops and the fire department!

After the smoke and excitement settled, we all sat down to enjoy our feast. As I opened my napkin, something rather large and alien like was scurrying about inside of my napkin.

"Oh my God!" I shrieked.

In light of the gunshots and potential four-alarm fire, forks dropped and attention fell upon my hornet in the napkin. Grandpa came to the rescue and the hornet went to meet Jesus after meeting the bottom of his shoe. Bugs don't alarm me, in fact, I wouldn't have killed him. I just hadn't expected my extra guest to be crawling about in my napkin!

Once our bellies were full, we all dispersed throughout the house for coffee and conversation. My cousin was giving my grandmother cell phone lessons so she would be able to actually call for help, which was the intention of her purchase. Someone had recently broken into my grandfather's garage and stolen some of his tools. All was quiet and then...

Lindsey's 3 month old Jack Russell pup engaged in a chase with my grandparents seriously chubby and wrecking-ball-bodied boxer, who was also chasing the crazy cat. As the fur covered frenzy escalated, I suddenly saw panic-filled green cat eyes flying directly at my face! I'm going to lose my eyeballs!

Gasps and "Oh my Gods" again filled the house. What the hell was going on here?!?! Grandma keeps a very tidy, and controlled house. It is filled with antiques and Better Homes and Gardens charm. Her yard was featured in the Garden Tour. Am I in the right house? Have I accidentally sat down to dinner with the Griswolds?

And for the grand finale, when relatives began their goodbyes, and wrapped up leftover treats for midnight snacks...

"LINDSEY!!!" Uh-oh, Grandmother sounds mad. "Come get in here and clean this up. That damn dog has pooped on my carpet! That little shit."

After all of the excitement dissipated, we shared a few good laughs. Despite our Thanksgiving being a little non-conventional, it was definitely one I will always remember.

Thanksgiving Blues

I've enjoyed a nice quiet day, but I'm missing something: leftovers! What happened to leftovers?! I'd love to have a second go at the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and gravy! I've been craving my long lost leftovers all day! All I smuggled home was some leftover jello salad, and my own creations. Oddly, everything is orange in color, and none will satisfy my desire for a few tidbits of turkey.

So I'm left to potentially please my palate with some pizza... and simply fantasize about my turkey unrequited.

Have or Have Not; Happy Thanksgiving!

With all of the stress and uncertainty of the world and economy, it's tempting to lose sight of what Thanksgiving is all about. I'll admit to getting caught up in the fact that I did not have a dutch oven as I was trying to efficiently cook 6 pounds of sweet potatoes. As the sweet potato peels flew about in the sink, and I started my second batch of boiling potatoes, knowing there would be yet a third, I privately pondered why the hell I was doing all of that work. I recalled having a dutch oven when I lived in Kalamazoo. What the hell happened to it? Why did I pick the "pain in the ass" recipe? Why don't I have a great job so I can easily afford a dutch oven? TWO dutch ovens! I had three pounds of carrots to cook as well!

After finally finishing my tedious apple peeling, coring, and dicing for the 6 pounds of peeled, cooked, sliced, and mashed sweet potatoes... I looked around my kitchen. It was a mess! Spices, brown sugar, sauce pans, strainers, apple peels, potato peels, baking dishes, and butter cluttered the counter. As the delicious aroma of my "pain in the ass" potatoes filled the room, I realized how well worth the effort my dutch oven-less cooking was.

Life isn't about what we don't have. Thanksgiving isn't about what we don't have. Life is lived best when we make the most of what we do have. I did have the money to buy the sweet potatoes, apples, and carrots. I did have a large saucepan to cook the multiple batches in. I did have gas service to my stove. I had a stove. A kitchen. A house. A roof. And I have a wonderful family; a family worth every bit of frustration I may have temporarily endured to prepare my offerings for the Thanksgiving table.

Even when we have less than others, we still have more than most. Let us all be grateful for our food, shelter, family, and friends. Those simple things that we often take for granted. Let us all truly listen, laugh and love. And let us keep these "simple" things top of mind, not just today, but everyday. Maybe even think about those around us that do have less. Those who could care less about having a damn dutch oven, and would really appreciate just a sandwich to make it through another day.

I will now give thanks for each of you lovely people. Enjoy a warm and memorable meal with you and yours. Happy Thanksgiving!

Ode to C.F.

I was just watching "Gavin and Stacey," a brilliant comedy on the BBC. The episode featured this beautiful and bittersweet song by Snow Patrol, "You Could Be Happy." Instantly, I thought of C.F.

I miss him. But, no matter what, I will always wish him to be happy, even though it will never be with me.

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=qqEd-5OooM0

The "Busy" Signal!

I'm still at a non-stop pace, despite my technically "unemployed" status! My remodel project will require me to return tomorrow. Oh, how I had hoped to not be working on anything but fixing delicious things to eat on Thanksgiving Day!

I spent the day cleaning a very beautiful home. My friend Todd's mother offered me the opportunity. Pat has been such a wonderful help during my unemployment. Very supportive and genuinely concerned that I am able to make ends meet. I am very fortunate to have both of them on my side through this difficult time.

My mother left this morning to spend Thanksgiving with her mother, my favorite grandmother, in California. I would have loved to have gone, but I do not have any money for airfare. My grandmother's birthday is on Thanksgiving, and my grandfather's a few days after. Mom's visit is a surprise, and I wish I could see the look on my grandma's face when she sees my mother at the door. I know she is going to cry! My grandparents are such sweet and loving people. Both have been in and out of the hospital over the last year, and are in their 80's. Visiting them is near the top of my priority list as soon as I am back on steady financial ground. I don't want the next time I see my grandmother to be at her funeral. The thought of that possibility just destroys me inside.

While mother is away, I am dog-sitting her three beasties for the week. The client I've been remodelling for, has asked me to also touch up the paint throughout the entire town home. Secretly, I am beyond sick of painting, but, the bills need to be paid, and I may need to rely on opportunities like this in the future, so I have to suck it up.

Of course, now that I have too much on my pre-Thanksgiving plate, people are coming to town, boys and friends are calling, and I am just too busy! I've fantasized about a busy signal playing when anyone calls, comes to the door, or tries to contact me in any other way. It gets exhausting explaining why you are unavailable... and I really don't have time to! I swear, I could sit around the house for a week, wishing there were something to do, and not a soul would call. As soon as I have more than enough going on... everybody wants to do something! Maybe that's just life.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. As difficult as things have been for me this past seven months, I definitely have a lot to be thankful for. And if for some reason I miss a post the next couple days...

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING ONE AND ALL!!!

Pulled Pork and Back!

What a crazy week! My anticipated two-day remodel is now in day FIVE. Good news is: I'm in the home stretch, the client loves it, and has offered me more work. Bad news: my poor back and legs hurt like hell!

I've managed to make it this far through the job with only a few bruises, cutting my fingernails to a more work friendly length, and one chemical spill! I was using a corrosive concoction for professional use to eat layers of paint off of the antique hardware. My goal was to keep the cost down for the client and to make use of some character-filled antique hardware. As I was trying to fish the last hinge out of the toxic jar, it tipped over! Right onto the brand new, although very ugly, counter top and flooring! I risked permanent disfigurement of the skin to clean up the spill before anything was damaged; successfully.

After returning home, I ate a pulled-pork sandwich, on an onion bun! I had made the pulled-pork in the crock pot before leaving for the job site. I used "McCormick" brand pulled-pork seasoning, according to the directions. Okay, so I didn't use the "right" amount of pork, and added a little extra brown sugar... Delicious I say! Delicious! But, instead of sitting down and enjoying the fullness of my stomach, I jumped right into some housework. What? Am I crazy? I have the biggest slave-driving boss ever! Me!

But, the pain may be well worth it. A new friend of mine has offered to massage my aches away when he gets out of work. I met him when I was applying for a job. We got along right away. He's quite a funny fellow, and humor is one of my toppers on the wish list for future companion characteristics. We've been talking for a few days, and so far he's on the up and up. Good family. SINGLE. No children. Never married. Teaches Sunday School. Home-owner. College educated. Lovely eyes and dark hair. Very complimentary and sarcastically flirtatious. I'm thinking I might give him a small chance.

Honestly, I've been thinking about C.F. the last few days. I have not heard a word from him in about two weeks. And that's fine, but it leaves me wondering if I truly meant anything at all to him. Was I just a temporary indulgence of his hereditary male horn-dogginess? Our conversations were very in-depth and definitely not just of an adult nature... but was this just part of an elaborate scheme? I may never know. I just get caught up in the wondering sometimes.

Tonight I plugged in my small potted Christmas trees that sit on each side of the door, and hung my garland around the doorway. My house looks like the entrance to a holiday Heaven. Warm and inviting...

Now let's see who crosses the threshold!

I See Dead People

Nobody likes death. Well, maybe the guys who like zodiac signs, poison Kool-aid, and duct tape do, but I find the permanence of it to be quite disturbing. I'm overly sensitive, and have a hard time with the letting-go required when a person passes away. That's probably why I still have two dead people in my cell phone. Hitting delete just doesn't seem fair.

Fair. Yes, I know, life isn't fair... so how could death possibly be?

I was reading the paper tonight, and saw yet another person I know in the obituaries. That's three in four weeks! I demand a slow-down! Cut-backs in the number calling. Funeral Parlor closings due to lack of business. I say no more death! Not only is it sad, it's expensive. People are strapped and struggling, can't ya cut 'em a break, Big Guy?

The Pain of Painting II

Oh my aching back!!

I taped off a kitchen and bathroom. Painted two coats in the kitchen and one coat in the bathroom. All of that bending and twisting has me bent and twisted out of shape!

My ego took a good jab too! My friend's mom stopped by to check out the project, and she definitely hates the tile (I had nothing to do with that!), and was NOT crazy about the paint color I chose. There weren't a lot of options to work with! I am confident that the bathroom will look amazing, and the kitchen will at least look 100 times better, once I get the cabinets finished and the hardware replaced!

Considering I have not met the client in person... this added opinion is cause for nervousness! I could land some future clients and work if she is happy. I'm not sure what will happen if she isn't! I've never been displeased with my remodels, and have a 100% satisfaction record thus far. Either this will be my first flop... or my visitor couldn't see the vision of the completed project.

If you look at the photo... you can see that this isn't an easy task. I'm hoping to have it completed tomorrow, then I will offer a before and after! Unfortunately, without accessories.

The Pain of Painting

Good morning world!

I've recovered from my sanding without a mask, and woke up before the alarm went off. Shortly, I'll be leaving to begin my remodel project. I've never met my client in person, so I am a little nervous. She's completely trusting in me to solve her decor problems in her rental unit. I feel great about my paint and hardware choices, but I'm working with some challenging aspects. The tile is tolerable, but the counter top is hideous! Ideally, I would change out the counter top, and rearrange and replace the appliances. Like most, however, she has a budget, and it doesn't allow for these things.

Another challenge is the weather. It's currently 28 degrees and there is no heat in the unit. I'll be taking a portable heater to get the room warm enough for painting. All of my painting has taken place in the warmer months, so I don't even have pre-ruined clothes to wear! But I WILL be taking a mask this time. After realizing I had allowed paint and wood particles to settle in my sinus cavity near my brain, I acknowledged how dumb it was not to wear one!

Gas and Electric Savings

Let's face it, money is tight for just about all of us these days. Due to a fore-warned 40% spike in our local gas supplier fees... I went scurrying to my local Lowe's for a broken budget fix. I purchased a small, and easily portable, programmable electric ceramic heater space heater, and a larger, oil-filled radiator-type electric heater on casters. Both were purchased for around $35.

Warning: this money saving plan requires warm blankets and clothing!


Close off any vents and rooms that do not need to be heated.

Unplug EVERYTHING that does not have to be plugged in. Bonus: you'll get in a little exercise bending over to plug things back in. Only keep things plugged in while they are in use. Making this a habit will save you money on your electric bill year round, and ensure less damage in the event of a power surge.

Keep throw blankets accessible in your living room.

Set your thermostat at 60-62.

Use the larger radiator style heater to keep your most occupied rooms tolerable during the day. Ideally, place it near enough to the thermostat to prevent your more expensive gas furnace from running. (This style of electric heater uses the least amount of electricity.)

At night, turn off the radiator heater, and UNPLUG it. The furnace will kick-on, as needed to prevent frostbite while you sleep.

If your bedroom is absolutely too cold to tolerate, use your portable ceramic heater to bring it to a tolerable temperature, and then climb under your layers of blankets. (The model I purchased has time, temperature, and fan speed settings.)

In the morning, plug in the radiator style heater and turn it on. Use the small ceramic heater to quickly warm up your bathroom for your morning shower. By the time you get out, you'll have forgotten how frickin' cold it was.


My first cold weather heating bill was $23! My electric bill showed no increase. Granted, I am usually wearing wool knee length socks, sweats, a tank top, long sleeve t-shirt, and hooded sweatshirt... and this is not very "sexy." However, the monetary savings, and potential economic meltdown survival, are well worth the private humiliation.

My purchases:

http://www.lowes.com/lowes/lkn?action=productDetail&productId=259120-63981-HC-0104S&lpage=none

http://www.lowes.com/lowes/lkn?action=productDetail&productId=42164-63981-HO-301&lpage=none

Is America Growing Up?

Has America finally decided it's time to give up its immature, immediate gratification seeking ways? Time to grow up? I'm not sure if the fiery failing financial inferno, or good ol' Dr. Phil is the cause... but Americans seem to finally be getting "real."

I was convinced as soon as I heard Sears was bringing back Layaway for Christmas.

"Back in the day," when people couldn't afford to pay cash for something, they didn't reach for imaginary money on the credit card. They put things on Layaway and made cash payments until the balance was paid in full. Once that glorious day arrived, they picked up their purple Garanimals corduroy jumper, a Lite Brite, two Baby Alives and an Atari video game (complete with the Ms. PacMan cartridge), and delightfully drove home to wrap their gifts, using Scotch tape that turned yellow by Christmas morning.

"Back in the day," we didn't carry 10 different credit cards and have to sort through them to find the one that had enough of a balance to swindle our purchases out the door. "Back in the day," outrageous debt wasn't acceptable, and bankruptcies and bailouts weren't trendy.

As much as this whole embarrassing, stressful and fear-inducing economy crash hurts... it may well be the very "growing pain" that America so desperately needed.
Now, if I could just figure out who would wear purple cords...

Hope on the Horizon!

What a great day! Hope is on the horizon...

As previously mentioned, I scored an upcoming interview this morning. After noon, I headed out to help a friend sand kitchen cabinets, and negotiated that into a remodelling gig!!!!! That's exactly what I intended to start a business in... before my job got yanked out from under my feet! This means: 1) I have another client for references, 2) more pictures for my portfolio to show future clients, 3) possible referrals, 4) potential future business in her other rental units! Of course, this most importantly means I have something productive to do, that I'm also very passionate about!

And if I may put the proverbial cart before the horse, the part-time job I'm interviewing for will just cover my living expenses, while leaving me plenty of free time to pursue, and provide services to, future clients in my own business ventures.

Works for me!

Hallelujah!

I JUST got a call for a telephone interview with the local college. The position is only part-time, but I'd be more than thrilled to have a job! Another bonus: it's a five-minute drive from home. My interview isn't until December 3rd, but it's the first offer for an interview that I've received since September!

Unfortunately, it's been so long since I applied that I do not recall what the pay rate is. I sent in my resume, cover letter and application on October 18th. Jobs are so few and far between that employers literally receive hundreds of applications, and therefore take 30 or more days to sort through them. This is why I feel such an urgency to find work. According to my estimations it will take:

A minimum of four weeks to review applications
A minimum of one week to interview candidates
Two weeks to receive my first paycheck

This equals 7 weeks. 7 weeks from now, I will be at the end of my unemployment extension! Not a place I want to be. Not a place I CAN be.

I've only lived in my house a little over one year. I'd like to hang onto it for awhile. Have the time to truly settle in and enjoy the fruits of my labor. I'm not asking for much out of this life. My "American Dream" consists of a $36,000 mortgage, and a ten year old car. Surely, at 37 years old, this is not "too much." I've never required extravagance. I'm simply trying to provide a roof over my head, and a sense of security. Food on the table, and love in my heart.

And I'm going to hang on to the belief that this dream is actually coming true. Slowly, but true.

Merry...

Ahhhh. I feel good.

Taking the weekend off was a great move. I lounged around throughout the morning, and watched a not-so-memorable movie. Can't even remember the name of it! I do, however, remember the sense of peacefulness I had, curled up with my cozy blanket and a cup of tea.

Mid-afternoon, I ventured into my creepy basement to retrieve the Christmas tree and decorations. I swear they could film "Arachnophobia 2" down there! Thankfully, spiders don't spook me, I just keep my eye out for the ones that look like they could mortally wound me with their venom. One such guy was zig-zagging on the second big box of branches, and I ran him off. I'd rather not wake up to him snacking on my flesh!

A few hours later, the tree was up! Complete with the lights, pine cones, and bulbs. At the top are my two "love squirrels." I place them facing each other... encouraging the blossoming of their affection, and secretly hoping for my own.

I've always found a sort of magical warmth in the glow of a Christmas tree... and I'm very happy that I didn't choose to forgo its erection because of my trying financial times. I need this. I deserve this. Besides, what's $5 extra on the electric bill in the big scheme of life?

Sabbatical Saturday

After an exhausting week of job hunting... I chose to take Saturday off. I even refused the Friday night news to avoid more reports of looming layoffs and pending growth in unemployment. Why torture myself?

So I spent the day, lounging in bed and snuggling with my never-stressed and always lackadaisical cat. Watched bad movies on T.V. and made tacos. Honestly, it is one of the best days I've had in a few weeks. No forms, no lines, no want ads... just me. I let the stress and worries go, if not just for one day.

My big plans for Sunday: maybe putting up the Christmas tree. Maybe. The rest? Well. Come what may. This girl is taking it easy!

Stats Of The Week

After completing my 12th job application this week, my eyes are now twirling around my drooping eyelids and I'm slowly transforming from a vertical to horizontal state. I'm beat!

Here are my latest job hunting stats:

Number of jobs applied for in the last two weeks- 20
Number of calls for interviews- 0
Number of rejection letters- 2
Number of jobs reported to be cut on today's news- 300
Number of times I've wanted to pull my hair out- 417.5

Survived!

Well, I survived my journey to the neighboring city in pursuit of a position at the packaging facility! The 6:00 a.m. news reported that there were already people in line, so I was afraid I'd be standing in a miles-long line for hours... in the rain. I arrived at 7:45 a.m. for the 9:00 a.m. "casting call." The line was long and the rain was steady.

A local news crew arrived and a reporter asked me if I was there for a specific job. I informed her that I was there for one of the ten positions and had been there Wednesday. She was shocked when I told her I had been job searching for seven months.

Thankfully the line moved along quite well. When I approached the door, the reporter asked if she could interview me. I said "Sure! As long as I don't have to leave the line." And just as the camera guy was approaching, I was shuffled in the door. I would have loved the chance to tell my story, which happens to be the same story as the thousands of people out of work in this state. But, getting a job took precedence over my "15 minutes."

I turned in my yellow pass, the Golden Ticket; filled out the application, and approached the application-collector-guy. As I was walking up, I heard him say that you could put your resume inside the application. Excellent! I had my cover letter and resume (on the expensive fancy paper) I had printed on Tuesday night with me... so I slipped it inside the application. Nice to see my expensive copies put to good use.

As I exited the building, I heard a tumbling and shuffling of the rocks near the doorway. A man had fallen. A worker nearby asked if he was okay. He immediately stood up and moaned. "Ohhh. That can't be good for my back. Ohhh... my back." Is this guy injured, or guaranteeing that he'll get money either from a job or a lawsuit? In this economy, I wouldn't be surprised if someone would resort to such a thing! He didn't seem to CPR, so I continued to my vehicle.

As I was getting in the car, I noticed some antique windows propped up against a fence. A contractor was in the doorway of the house. "Are these free?" I asked. "For a pretty lady, sure! Doesn't it say they are free?" I hadn't noticed the writing on the cardboard sign, as the rain had washed it away. I had been wanting some old windows to hang in the house, and these were even painted in the right colors! SCORE!

As I drove off, I wondered if I should have seized the opportunity to publicly plea for a job on the news. The "what ifs" and "should I's" started running around in my mind. I was miles away along the wet highway, and still wondering. I just have to believe that my miracle, a job, is on its way.

Now, all I can do is... pray. Hard.

Thursday's Lowdown

The local news reported that 446 people applied Wednesday to the 10 jobs available at the packaging company. I'll be in "round two's" line tomorrow morning. So that makes at least 447 applicants. According to my calculations, that means I have a 2% chance of getting hired.

I located an ad for experienced bartenders at a renovated bar in town. The neighborhood is a little sketchy, so safety would be of concern, however, with my food & beverage industry experience, I have extraordinarily higher odds of getting hired there. I did really enjoy bartending, and in a good spot, the money is phenomenal. But, is this a "good" spot? I had sworn off ever returning to this industry... however, I NEED money!

So tonight, in order to put my best face forward, I touched up my roots. I'll be in the long, winding line of desperation for the packaging factory jobs from around 8 a.m.-noon, then driving back to town to apply for the bartending job between 3 p.m. and 4 p.m. I'd love to have some kind of encouraging news by the end of the day. Even just an interview! Something! Hope! I need hope!

The "Depression" Has Hit!

A packaging factory in nearby city placed an ad for employment on the Talent Bank website, and in the local paper. They are filling TEN positions. To apply for these positions you have to be registered on the Talent Bank (check), print a copy of your Talent Bank resume (check) and go to the unemployment office today 12:00-3:30 (check) or Friday 9-noon. Okay!

So, yesterday I printed my resume and cover letter on my expensive premium resume paper and placed them in the matching premium paper envelope. I left early this morning, hoping to beat the crowd.

Depressing. The site of that building was absolutely depressing. Despite my early arrival, there were already HUNDREDS of people in a line that wrapped around the building. Cars were parked everywhere, and more were hopelessly twirling around the lot and surrounding streets. I found one of the last semi-illegal, and definitely ticketable spots, and walked toward the masses in the chilly drizzle, hoping my fancy papers didn't get ruined before I had the opportunity to present them.

These people were from all walks of life: young, old, white, black, hispanic, scruffy, tidy, male, female... but the looks on their faces were all the same. Desperate. And I was just one more face in the crowd.

I walked to the end of the line, only to overhear that they will not accept your own printed copy of your resume. You had to go inside and print it on their computer. It's exactly the same resume you print off of your home computer! What? I went inside, snaked through the masses and found an open computer. Once I turned in the resume, I was told that they were not accepting any more applicants today. They had to cut people off at 11:00 a.m. I could not enter today's line. I now have to wait until Friday morning... when it will be even colder standing in that never-ending line of desperation.

My time, gas, paper, printer ink... all wasted. This all costs money. I need money, I do not need to spend it! I was prepared. I was early. I was desperate. And, I was... turned away.

Frustrated and discouraged, I got in the car and drove back home. On my way, I stopped at a grocery store that I had heard was hiring. Yep. A grocery store. There was only one cashier and no exterior office, so I patiently waited in the check-out lane to ask for an application.

"I'm sorry. We ran out of applications. They did take the sign down, but I'm not sure if that means they aren't taking any more. Check back in a couple days."

Sigh.

Back home I go...

PAY PER VIEW!!!

Oh my God!

I was in my one-size-fits-all-but-doesn't-fit-me lime green robe, grey knee-length wool socks, khaki towel-turban on my freshly showered head, face covered in Noxema, and...

KNOCK! KNOCK!

What? It's 9:45 a.m. I'm only expecting the cable guy... and he's not due until sometime between 10 a.m. and noon.

I get a glimpse of my visitor through the leaded glass; and he's HOT! Surely I'm just going into some type of face cream induced hallucination. As I open the door, mortified, washcloth in hand, I see the "Comcast" badge. It IS my cable guy. And he is H-O-T!

I couldn't have dreamed this more perfectly. A twenty-something, dark-haired, well-built, young man, with soft, supple, kissable skin... and dark dreamy eyes. Lovely white teeth and a devilish, yet boyish, grin.

I managed to sneak some clothes on, dry and flat iron my hair, and add a few cosmetic fixer-uppers before Captain Cable Cutiepants got down from the garage roof. I'm not trying to seduce him, I swear! I'll just be damned if I'm going to sit around in a gigantic green robe and unflattering wool socks while a hot young man is in my lair!

I will confess to wanting to snap a picture of him... partially for my viewing pleasure, but mainly because not a soul would believe this unless they saw it. I still don't believe it. To add to the shear oddity of the situation, I have my Sirius radio tuned to the "Chill" channel, and a remix of the Pet Shop Boys "We All Feel Better In The Dark," complete with climactic moaning, is playing...


I'm wondering if it would be inappropriate to say things like:

"The woman on the phone told me my box was not responding... what do you think?" (As I drop my pants...)

Or,

"What can you tell me about this Pay-per-view stuff? How much do I pay, and what can I view?"

Or,

"Why don't we see if 69 is working?"

Okay... okay. I'm only kidding... kind of.

I'm gonna get back to my "show!"

Open for Business

Good morning, readers!

I'm writing to you from my new office! After pulling another all-nighter... I have successfully moved my office from the upstairs room to a much more convenient downstairs location. Instead of hauling my mail and personal affairs upstairs, carrying my laptop up the stairs to print, and looking directly across to the neighbors house... I now have a pleasant nature-friendly view to the backyard, and a stair-free (read FALL-free) journey to the printer! This space already feels inspirational for writing, work, and organization. And, if I were ever fortunate enough to have a booming business, there is an exterior door, which according to my probably out-dated real estate knowledge, is necessary to do certain business out of your home.

My upstairs is now that much closer to being guest friendly. In my former office, I now have two wing back chairs, ready for someone to enjoy a good book. The front bedroom is still waiting for a bed. Actually, it's waiting for everything! I tried to get a bed on-the-cheap at a summer auction, but was outbid by some furniture dealers. The stairway is rather precarious and narrow, so two twin beds, or maybe a full would be the best choice for ease of moving.

Perhaps this overnight mayhem of taking down and rehanging shelving units, moving my desk, chair, printer, and overflowing office supplies occurred because I'm going to be too busy working soon! Let's hope!

My alarm just went off... hilarious. Sorry, Mr. Alarm Clock. I won't be needing your services this morning.

Tis the Season?

Although I still have an imaginary "Do Not Disturb" sign on my front door, I did decide on housekeeping today. The housekeeper being me. I ran the carpet cleaner around the piano where dirt had been tracked in from the move, and cleaned the "high traffic" areas. I've got to say that having a carpet cleaner on hand has got to be one of the best investments I ever made. The cost of it after a discount and sale price was less than $100. One professional cleaning costs that much! The cleaning solution itself is about $10. The convenience: priceless!

As I've been cleaning, I have been tempted to get out the Christmas tree and decorations. But, now I have this piano in the dining room... where shall I put the tree? This is rather puzzling! My tree is a fat one! An 8 ft. tall fake blue spruce. A few weeks ago, I was thinking about not putting it up at all to save money... but the spirit of Christmas will be that much more important to me this year. Not having one would surely encourage the blues.

The cable guy will be here tomorrow between 10 a.m. and noon. Nice to have a reason to have to get up. I'd really like to ditch the cable service altogether, but spending so much time at home, and with winter approaching, I'm going to hold on to it just a bit longer.

I heard from a director regarding a volunteer position. He's going to send me an application. Great! Another form! Perhaps I should offer myself for hire as a "Professional Form Filler-Outer!" After some 160 resumes, cover letters, financial assistance forms, and job applications... I think I have credentials!

The unemployment office left me a message regarding "training you could add as a credential to your resume." She didn't say what it was exactly, but I'll take the opportunity. Learning new things is enjoyable, and with the failing economy and job market, I need any "edge" I can get.

Local news reported that DHL is cutting its domestic service. More jobs down the tubes. More people looking for work... will it ever end?

Wednesday I am driving to the neighboring city to apply for a position at a packaging factory. Factory work is definitely not for me. I'm a people person. But, the pay is $14.46 an hour, and ANY job is a good job these days. They are only hiring ten people. I bet it will be a mad house there. I'm going early... hoping to get the "worm."

I'm holding out for a Christmas miracle: a job. That's all I want for Christmas. Well, actually, I'd like it to arrive sometime between now and Thanksgiving! Do you hear me, Santa?

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

I'd love to tell you that I solved world hunger, or ran a marathon for charity today. However, I've done close to nothing, and therefore nothing close to that.

Having put my phone on silent, and the neighbor not leaving her barking dog outside... I slept through the peaceful silence of the morning, and awoke around noon. What?! Have I digressed to the teenage life? If so, can I please relieve myself of all of these financial obligations and spend the day talking on the phone, eating Doritos?

Oh.

I did eat Doritos. Spicy Nacho Doritos. I don't personally buy snacks like Doritos, but my mother likes to pick them up for me these days. Considering I was feeling neither motivated, nor very comfortable, I sought out comfort with the crunch of Doritos and Peanut M&Ms. What a combo! Had I made this discovery in my real teenage years, I surely would have weighed about 200 pounds.

I escaped momentarily to take my movies back. Hardly seemed worth the effort of clearing off the icy windows. Took me twice as long to get the car warmed up then it did to actually drive there.

Once I returned, I caught part of "Orangutan Island." Followed by "Extreme Makeover." Witnessing such acts of selflessness and kindness, truly move my heart. Hopefully, I'll find some volunteer work this week. I think that would boost my spirits immensely!

So here I sit, in my sweats, watching "Desperate Housewives." Shouldn't they have a show called "Desperate Single Unemployed Women?" Or would that not be very interesting?

Creative Minds Want to Know!

Today's economy demands creative means of survival! In an effort to find a way out of my financial hell, I have just posted two ads on Craig's List. I'm offering fitness training, and help getting one's house ready for the holidays. It's a little scary, I must admit. These days, you have no idea who's nuts and who isn't, but I'll be able to find ways to keep me safe. Hopefully, I'll get at least a handful of responses, and generate a little much-needed cash.

My mother's friend has apparently tried contacting 30 people to get her leaves cleaned up. "Why didn't someone call ME?!" I declared!

"There are a TON of leaves. You sure you'd want to do that?"

Do I WANT to? Not really. But, come on! I don't want to lose my house or my electricity either. That's the joy of life. It isn't always about what we want! You can bet your sweet patoot I'll be raking "a ton" of leaves next week!

So far, so good with the car! Hooray! That's one worry down... 35 to go!

Joys of Job Hunting

I'm still in the midst of my exhausting job search. I've lost track of how many positions I have actually applied for, but my estimated guess is 160. I applied for five positions this week, and updated my resume and cover letter with Kraft Foods. Their site offers a "Job Shopper" feature to alert you when jobs that fit your criteria become available.

Job Shopper sent me a message!

I open it.

It reads...

"Dear Mona,

Thank you for using Kraft's Personal Job Shopper service. We have matched up the following positions with your job search criteria:

Sorry, No jobs were found based on your Personal Job Shopper settings. "


Hilarious.

What's the point of that?

I also scheduled a meeting with the unemployment office on Wednesday. Leaving no stone unturned, I figured it couldn't hurt!

"It's just soooo slow. We aren't getting anything (job postings). I was hoping that once the election was over that things would pick up. I'm sorry. There just aren't any jobs. Nobody is hiring."

Really?

Well, the election results had been in less than twelve hours. Considering every employer is laying off staff or shutting their doors permanently, I highly doubt they had a staff waiting in the wings at midnight to magically post new jobs contingent upon the president elect!

My financial and mental states require that I find a job... and fast! This urgency has led me to loosen my job standards and apply for some less desirable positions. I've worked since the age of 15, with my longest gap in between jobs being two weeks, until this point. I love to work! And I love paying bills easily even more!

Thursday, I received a call from the unemployment office. Is this good news?!

A job?!

Nope.

She just wanted to check on my "No Worker Left Behind" status. You can choose job assistance or tuition assistance. Well, there are no jobs to be assisted in getting, and classes don't begin until January. Limbo. I'm in it.

"You have an excellent resume."

Really? Jenny Craig didn't think so! Seriously! I sent a resume and cover letter into Jenny fuckin Craig, and got a "thank you for your interest, but we won't be selecting you as a candidate" email in less than 24 hours. Well, Jenny, I'll have you know that my Bachelor's of Science with concentrations in Health, Physical Education, and English, combined with my I.Q. being considerably above 40... make me qualified enough for at least an interview! Are you afraid Valerie Bertinelli and I won't get along because I never thought Eddie Van Halen was cute?

What gives?

The Darkness Has Fallen

Daylight Savings Time sucks! It isn't quite 7 p.m. and my mind thinks it is almost midnight! I'm ready to go to sleep!

I took my car to the shop today. So far, it appears that the "ailment" has been cured. Just in time, too! I'd hate to be jump-starting my car in the blustery blizzards of winter!

When I returned, my aunt, mother, and I, went to have a late lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. I was starving! Cleaned my plate! My stomach is now pleasantly plumped.

My aunt then kindly purchased two 35 pound bags of bird seed for me. It's the "cheap stuff." It will be up to the birds to decide if they will sacrifice their gourmet desire in the name of survival. Better than nothing, I say. Especially since I should have cut them out of my rapidly shrinking budget months ago.

We then began the quest to find "Pumpkin" ice cream. One of my absolute favorites! They only sell it around Thanksgiving time. We stopped at three different stores. No luck. I could taste it! What a bummer! Instead, I chose "Brownie Mud Pie," and picked up a Halloween package of peanut M&M's for half-price.

Now, I'm on the couch, cuddled up with my favorite throw blanket, debating whether or not I will call my friend that wants to go to the casino. Of course, I have no money, but he brought it up. He's aware of my poverty status.

Testy Telethon?

STILL...
UP.

Oh... Mona, Mona, Mona.

I'm pretty drained and looking a bit disheveled, but I have certainly used my time wisely. I've been on the phone with my cell phone company, mortgage company, electric company, gas company, unemployment office, the local college, my assistance case worker... all in the name of survival! I'm swallowing my pride and applying for any and all types of assistance available to me, in preparation for a long, hard, winter. And, the worse case scenario: no job, and no unemployment benefits at the beginning of frosty February.

I pray to God I don't get to that point.

I'm hoping that all of this ground work will take a bit of the edge off of the financial fear that often keeps me awake at night. Every last person I spoke with had a tone of true concern and sympathy in their voice. In the midst of menstrual hormone hell, I shockingly only choked up a couple times. However, when I spoke with my mother, I couldn't hold it back any longer, and I think I even said "fuckin'." All of this stress and frustration pressurizes at the bottled-up bottleneck, putting a definable discomfort around my heart. I don't want to cry about it... but I can't let it all just build up, either. One of these days, I will accept that it is okay to cry. Right?


This has been a powerful and painful lesson. I am FORCED to ask for help. Something I could not and would not do willingly in the past. If I do not ask for, nor accept help, I will be cowardly forfeiting all that I've worked for. Throwing in the towel on myself. A few years ago, I may have done just that.

Now? I refuse.

Holed-up. Wait a Minute!

I'm still up.

Figured I'd tackle a few financial fiascoes this morning. One being my cell phone bill, which has doubled due to text messages sent to me from Ireland. Apparently, whether I read them or not, I still get charged the 20 cents. Once I received that information, I sent an urgent plea to the Irishman to place a cease-fire on my financial well-being and chill with the text messages. I can't afford an increases in costs. Unemployment does not offer raises!

I'm now eagerly awaiting the arrival of 9 a.m. My mortgage lender office does not open until then. I need to find out why my payment is suddenly $40 more this month, and if this is a permanent increase. Again, with the bone-chilling winter snow steadily on its way, bringing with it ENORMOUS heating bills... I can NOT afford my other bills to increase as well.

In need of bird seed, yet again, I am tempted to put a plea out for a donation of wild bird seed on Craig's List. This is not a good time of year to "cut them off," as they are likely to perish in the winter without my provided sustenance. These birds sometimes go through 40 pounds of seed in seven days: approximately $70 a month! Being one that never asks for help, I'm not sure that I will go through with it, but the thought has been on my mind the last two days. I'm in the HOLE! Thankfully, not too deeply yet, but new solutions must be found immediately to prevent me from being swallowed up by it!

"MiGo" Crazy For My Thermal Mugs!

Well, I napped a bit...

Last night was a big swirl of socialization, and I hadn't the time to address the goings on! My crazy-fun friend Cortney had called as I was driving aimlessly to the "sorry for the misprint" meeting, "R" had called, I met with some friends to do some networking, came home to an announcement that my friend Dan was stopping by later, and that "R" was on his way as well. Sheeesh! As I tried to email my new non-profit connection, my side job saviour, Todd, called.

And then "R" arrived.

We spent a pleasant evening, first watching "Law & Order," and then the movie "Juno." Yes, I am the ONLY person on the planet Earth who hadn't watched it yet. Correction. R and I were the only TWO people who hadn't seen the movie yet. R made it to the midway point and zonked out. He gets up for work at 5:30 a.m. So I let him rest. The movie was excellent, so what difference did it make? I have to say that I am pretty particular with my humor, and the lines in that film are excellent. "Pork swords" was definitely new terminology to me!

Forgot to mention that three-quarters of the way through "Law & Order," Dan knocked at the door. Dan is a friend of mine I had intended to partner up with in late summer to join forces in the remodelling sector. But, Dan apparently got entangled with a certifiably crazy woman and vanished for a bit. I have yet to get the full story, but I am truly concerned for him. His eyes looked sad and worrisome. I sent him on his way and told him I would call him today... I sure hope I don't regret not taking more time to talk with him. You just never know what someone's state of mind is. Suppose I'll give him a call when I finish here.

Anyway.

I sent poor R to bed to catch a few winks before his drowsy drive to work in the Daylight Savings Time darkness. I, of course, could not sleep. Very well. So I snuck in a post and checked my email around 3:30 a.m. Took a "nap," and then got up right before the alarm clock went off. I thought I'd put in a little "co-habitation" practice... and make R some breakfast.

I do not plan on living with R at this moment, but, at times I do grow a little concerned with my independence! Perhaps I'm a little too in love with my own lone existence. Spoiled, I say! I absolutely love cooking; and love cooking and caring for others even more. So why not make the man breakfast! Hell, he's one of the lucky souls in this forsaken town with a job! Better keep him in working shape!

Quietly, I cooked sharp cheddar scrambled eggs, seasoned bacon, and toast. Poured his coffee into one of my coveted "MiGo" travel mugs, and returned to coax him out of bed.

"It's time for your photo shoot, handsome. And your breakfast is ready."

(Groan) "Whaaat?"

"Your breakfast is ready. Anything for your coffee?"

"No, thank you." He leans up and looks at the clock, "Too bad I won't have time to eat it..."

Oh, I beg to differ! This smart cookie has just the thing! I had saved a plastic container that had some sort of baked goods from the grocery store bakery that doubled nicely as a "takeout" container for sleepyhead's breakfast. I slid the eggs, bacon, and toast into it, closed the lid, and found a set of takeout silverware in the drawer. Placed a blueberry corn muffin in a plastic bag, and sent him on his way with a home-cooked meal... and... my beloved coffee mug!

As he left, I said, "Now, if you decide for any reason that you are not speaking to me again, please leave the mug in my mailbox."

Yes, I have a serious attachment issue with my coffee mug. I am very aware of this. In fact, when my boyfriend and I broke up at the end of last year, that was the only thing I was pissed about! He had gotten away with my "MiGo" coffee mug! The one I sent R out the door with, was the replacement. When I went to pick up the shimmering silver look-a-like, I also treated myself to a beautiful blue one, for a backup!

So help me if I have to buy another!

Epiphany! (#3,402)

I'm naughty. Up past my bedtime. Guilty. Grounded! However, during my dishonorable attempt at sleeping... a stroke of genius brushed across my empty canvas of a brain.

AH-HA!

I've got it. I've finally got the gist of my first book. The basic subject matter has been the front-runner for years, but the approach had escaped me until about 14 minutes ago.

Having an unruly, untamed, and unfulfilled mind, such as mine, requires one to leap out of bed and begin processing these random and uncontrolled thoughts. Otherwise, I'll be left to toss and turn while they twist about throughout my cerebral cortex.

And since I have purged myself of them, I will now leave you, my dear friendly readers, to be tortured by the wonder of what it is this mad, mad, mind of mine is up to...

Sleep tight!

Is Fate at Work?

I attempted to attend the free boardmanship training tonight. I was having trouble locating the building in the dark, and after a few mildly embarrassing twirls around the block, I finally located my destination.

But, no one was there. The door was locked. I went around to the back door. Locked.

Thankfully, I had cut the posting out of the paper and had it in hand. I returned to the front door and was let in by a custodian. I asked him about the meeting, and it was obvious to both of us that no one was there. He graciously offered to go upstairs and get a gentleman who was still in his office to assist me. What a nice man! I showed him the posting, and he immediately offered to get his cell phone and call the director of the program personally.

She sincerely apologized for the mishap, and informed us that it should have read, "A.M." not "p.m." But, all was not lost. The director will be giving me a personal, one-on-one training, followed by setting me up with the advanced training in December.

Could this be my IN?

Knock Knock

My father and I have exchanged a few messages lately. My replies have been fairly casual and somewhat brief, as my mind has been focused on finding a job and figuring out how to make ends meet. I'm hesitant to add any distractions to my life because, frankly, this is some pretty serious shit!

In fact, he hadn't responded to an email I had sent him and after some two weeks, I sent a message that read: "Are you still there?" I wasn't sure if he had regular access to a computer, or whether he had chosen to abandon his quest to know his daughter. But, I knew that I wasn't comfortable with the "not knowing."

He apologized for the delay and said he had been busy repairing a clarinet. Apparently, my father repairs instruments to supplement his income. He has to be 70 some years old... a motivating factor for me to consider opening this door to him.

His message today struck a chord of sweetness with me. He said I must be "after his heart" because I tend to nature and feed the birds. Something that I enjoy doing, despite the strain on my budget. Near the end of his message he wrote, "Last I held you we were playing on top of a bed in Grace's Milford Street house....I missed that...you were thinnish and strong.....Matt was literally angelic in behaviour and appearance....you also..."

"Thinnish and strong." I can picture myself as a little girl. I was quite thin, but boy, was I a tough one! Little did anyone know that surviving my brother's endearing beatings required me to be so. Thinnish and strong echoed in my head. I am thinnish... and most importantly, I am strong. Literally and figuratively. And no matter how hard I try to convince myself that being weak and relying on the support of others (or even "giving up") would be a much "easier" path to choose... I always go back to my strength.

Can't Blame a Girl for Trying!

Well... I went to my 1 o'clock appointment with the caseworker today. Unfortunately, she told me what I already know: there just aren't any jobs out there. "It's just really really slow. I was hoping things would pick up after the election. I think a lot of people were waiting to see what happened," she said. Considering the election results hadn't been in for more than twelve hours, I don't find it very hard to believe that the office wasn't yet flooded with job opportunities. I was shown a position at the local hospital and given an web address for the soon-to-be casino, followed by an "I wish I had more to help you."

As soon as I returned home, I filled out the application for the hospital position and looked up the web address for the casino. The address offered no direct source of positions or method of application, so I signed up for their newsletter in the hopes that it will announce any job openings that become available.

I am disappointed. However, being realistic, I didn't expect much help. But, I tried. That's all I can continue to do: try, try, try harder, and keep trying. I hate the thought of enduring the holidays and the cold winter weather without a decent paying job. I've just got to believe that something positive is on its way.

Congratulations, Readers!

Mona Lake readers accurately predicted the winner of the 2008 presidential election! In a mere 5 votes! (wink)

Thank you for your continued support, and to all of the Americans that voted!

Dear John,

What a concession speech from John McCain! I've got to say that I was very impressed with his graciousness, and was almost moved to tears when he asked us to rally our support and get this country moving again. Mr. McCain addressed his defeat like a true gentleman. I'm proud of you, John.

Not only am I grateful that all of the campaign pain has ended, I am grateful for the hope that much needed change is going to take place in our country. I am grateful to have the opportunity to vote, and to see that so many fellow Americans embraced this freedom and let their voices be heard.

May this historical election bring about new found inspiration, positivity and change. May the people of America continue to take an active role in the reestablishment of the pride and prosperity America was celebrated for.

p.s. Thank you for voting.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

Change is on the horizon here in the good ol' USA! What a great feeling it was to vote today. To know that good things may begin to happen again here.

Mother and I went to vote in the early afternoon. We were there during a "slow" time and did not face much of a line. After placing our votes, we put on our "I Voted" stickers and went on about our way.

First stop: library. I picked up two guitar books, "The 'First Stage' Guitar Book" by Chris Lopez and "All About Guitar" by Tom Kolb; as well as "Piano for Dummies." My first "dummy" book. Having never considered myself a "dummy" I have not utilized any books from the series.

Second stop: Taco Bell for the free "I Voted" tacos. Too bad they weren't the taco vendor that was offering them. It was "Bob's Taco" in a neighboring town. Very well...

Third stop: Starbucks. Now Starbucks WAS offering a free large coffee to all of the voters. Why not? What can you really get for free these days? And hey, I'm a little strapped right now!

Once I arrived back home, I preheated the oven and began doctoring my Freschetta Supreme Pizza. I added seasoned ground beef, extra yellow onion, extra sauce, and feta cheese... delicious! I ate four slices! I hadn't eaten the entire day, in my defense.

"Textman" had come over. He looked great! Had a nice closely trimmed beard with a few splashes of grey. I'm usually not that fond of facial hair, but it highlighted his bone structure, which is quite lovely to me. He had been "out with the boys" and proclaimed himself to be a bit tipsy. Textman is easy to get along with, and pretty easy on the eyes, but, having him here made it clear to me how much C.F. still lingers in my mind. C.F. and I truly connected. Something that hasn't occurred in quite some time. It's not that I can't live without him, or that I fear I'll never have that again... C.F. reminded me how wonderful it feels when you really make that connection.

As Textman made a very valiant attempt at Hollywood-worthy lovemaking, I found myself feeling like a man. Once I had "reached my destiny," I wanted him to go. However, he wasn't finished. I thought it would never end! I found myself wishing I had a timer on the nightstand and a list of rules. I decided I would "graciously" allow a man 10 minutes after my orgasm to reach his. If the timer goes off and he isn't done... tough. Time to put on the pants and show yourself out.

The bed was squeaking. Obviously, I don't have sex often, or that damned bed would be lit afire! I could hardly take it! Did this not drive him nuts? Stop! I just wanted the squeaking and the source of the squeaking to stop!

Textman and I have "hooked up" a few times over the last seven months. He has always drifted off for about 20 minutes and then quickly departed. Not only did he overstay his 20 minutes... he was SNORING! I laid there thinking of C.F. snoring, and how charming I thought it was. This was not charming to me. If not a testament to the power of a connection, this was at least testament to my state of mind.

Finally, he got up! He quietly grabbed his clothes and left the room. I pretended to be sleeping, hiding my glee that the snoring man beast was going to be gone soon. Then he came back into the room, kissed me, told me not to get out of bed, and to call him tomorrow? WHAT? Normally, that would be a good thing, but after realizing that I still have a strong desire for true love, I don't think pursuing him is something I want to do.

I've learned a lesson. I am not a "hook up" girl. As much as I long for a steady and satisfying sex life, I truly want "the one." I'm glad I "did it." My brave encounter really put things into perspective for me.

I had to call the auto repair shop again myself. Third call with not one call back. Not the best customer service. They aren't sure if they have the part they need, so I won't know how soon my car will be fixed of its ailments. Ugh.

Tomorrow I meet with the unemployment rep. I'm really hoping she will have some encouraging news. Later in the evening I plan to attend a free training seminar about sitting on a non-profit board. Can't hurt my resume, and it's FREE. Ideally, I'd like to be employed by a non-profit organization and become a more active citizen in my community. So this is a step in the right direction.

Lots of changes in the air. Let's hope they are all good ones!

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby.

I have been avoiding this topic all day. Well, now my "w" key on my laptop has begun to fail me, and the frustration reminds me of my sex life. Hell, sex in general.

While I was doing housework today, I had Oprah on the t.v. It was a "naughty" episode about sex. Children were shunned from watching. Curious to see how "naughty" sex talk could actually be on Oprah, I turned up the volume as I dusted, vacuumed, and swept. Most of it wasn't that shocking or informative, but I did catch a blip that rang in my ears...

"A healthy sex life can make you look up to twelve years younger."

SOLD! Bring me the sex!

Sex is my latest source of pondering. You see, I'm a responsible, healthy, educated, mildly successful yet somehow unemployed woman, who thankfully, not only has her wits about her, I also am blessed to still have all of my parts in the places they originated. But... time carries on. And with this notion that the wrinkles are around the corner, and some form of sagging is inevitable... I feel an overwhelming sense of urgency to "get back on the horse." According to some scientific research, I'm in my prime. That means someday I'll be out of it, right?

I realize I have not taken the best approach to attaining a sex life. The thought that C.F. and I would realistically be able to have sex on a regular basis was definitely impractical. He was much more to me than that... and that door has closed.

A mere "sex life" is not what I'm truly after. Who doesn't want to find someone that "gets them." Ha. Figuratively and literally, I suppose. I'd love to sit and wait, virginally, in a pretty white dress at an outdoor cafe, as my soul mate saunters towards me and violins begin to play... But, this is real life. Not a Hollywood romance on film. I'm not sure he's coming at all, so I'm not buying the dress. Besides, it's off-season for white dresses.

So I'm back to where I started with this blog. Trying to find the answers to the "to do" or "not to do" riddle. A very ballsy free-spirited friend of mine actually posted an ad on Craig's List to fill her want-ad for a lover. I'm too chicken-shit for that! I see myself as the subject of a "Based On A True Story" Lifetime movie after putting an ad on Craig's List!

How does one go about finding a lover? I find it more difficult than finding an average-to-above-average date! Seems that if a woman is open to a "just sex" arrangement, the guy wants a relationship. And if the woman wants a relationship, the guy just wants sex. Are we at war with each other? This shouldn't be so difficult, I don't believe...

I miss the days of undeniable passion. Those rip your clothes off in a frenzy days... when you are so into someone, that sex CAN'T be bad. It's been so long, I'm surprised I can remember that far back at my age. (wink) If I can't have a true love, a soul mate, someone who stimulates my mind as equally as they stimulate my body... can't I at least have some mind-blowing sex? Once a week? Once a month on Tuesday nights? Do I need a recruiter? A screener? A clue!?!?!

Text-man is on the way... we'll see what he "thinks."

Domestic. Bliss?

In support of my "new" attitude, I spent the majority of the beautiful, and oddly warm, afternoon cleaning my house. The entire house. Nothing sets the stage for a new beginning like a fresh and sparkling house. The piano got the Orange Glo treatment. The bathroom floor had me on my knees, and the poops were scooped from the litter boxes. Melon candles were burning and a warm breeze slid through the curtains. Ahhhh...

I left shortly after completing my domestic duties, after getting my car jumped, that is. I finally put another call out to the shop, since they hadn't returned my call. I'm hoping to get this wiring thing solved before the end of the week. Unless I'm going to get an Honorary Mechanic Degree, I'd like to put a stop to my professional-level jumper cable activities! And, since I'm going to have a new job soon... I'll surely need my car to be reliable and raring to go!

I just finished mending a sweater. I had purchased it last year. A nice feminine classic black sweater. However, the first time I tried to put it on, the neckline tore in two places. I figured taking it back would not be an option and had tossed it onto the top shelf of my closet to slowly disintegrate in the land of forgotten clothes. My new "broke as hell" status made resuscitating this little beauty a necessity. Last year, I was in the process of shedding a few pounds, so I kept my wardrobe purchases to a bare minimum; which means if I don't make do with what I have now, I will be bare!

After completing the repair, I gathered up some sweaters from my winter clothes box, and tossed them in to the gentle cycle. An odd thing to do, considering it was 67 degrees today, and expected to be 70 tomorrow. At least my warm clothes will be fixed, fresh and ready when the real chill comes on.

So here I sit. All of my domestic duties are done. So where is my bliss? Where is the charming, chiseled, semi-cocky yet strangely charismatic, dark-haired sex God? Did he not get the memo? Did I forget to send out the "You are cordially invited to toss me about the bed" invitation?

THE POWER OF SUGGESTION!

Just received a text from an "ex" containing the word "sex"... Hmmmm.

To be continued.

Election Eve

Good morning, readers! Are you all ready to vote? Ready for this campaigning to end? Let's get out to those polls and put a new face and new hope into the White House! I don't believe either candidate will be able to undo the wrongs of the last eight years, but I don't feel things can get much worse. Positive change MUST be on the horizon! So please, get out there tomorrow, and let your voice be heard by VOTING! NO EXCUSES! The government has been making excuses for years now... look how well that worked.

The first day of my "schedule" isn't going exactly as planned, but I am off to a good start. I've already had breakfast, read my emails, searched for jobs, and phoned into unemployment. It's nice to have my eyes open and feel awake so early in the morning. The sun is out. My spirits are up...

A great job is on the way! Right?

Are You Experienced?

So, I'm not asleep yet. But, all is not lost!

I "went to church" tonight: watched Joel Olsteen at midnight. His message is always oddly relevant to my current state of things. Tonight he was talking about being a "bounce back" person... someone who does not break under the pressures of misfortune. My weekend away from the world was intended to do just that: bounce back.

I made a serious attempt to fall asleep after the show. However, it failed.

So I job searched. Sundays aren't the best days to look for new postings. Most employers do not place postings over the weekend. Fortunately, I did locate a position that was posted late afternoon Friday, and I applied. It's only part-time... but I'd love any reliable income right about now! The position is, ironically, a Case Manager Assistant for an unemployment office. I definately have experience! And wouldn't I love to be working again!

Ready for Battle?

I spent the last three days holed-up in the house. Shut-out the world around me and spent some quality time with my thoughts. The stress was getting to me, and without an "intervention" I was facing spontaneous combustion.

Today is the first day of a new week in a new month. A new attitude is what I have. I worked out for the first time in almost a month. Had a little "girly" time and painted my fingernails and toenails, after a nice hot shower. The little things in life definitely carry the most weight with me, and I had neglected my toes far too long... again, almost a month. I'm preparing for battle. To fight the good fight.

My freshly laundered sheets will hopefully lull me into a good night's sleep tonight. Tomorrow morning I make my first call into the unemployment system under my emergency extension. I decided that since I must be up to make that call, that tomorrow will be the perfect day to get into my new "schedule." My "schedule" begins at 7 a.m. and is compiled of: working out, job hunting, practicing guitar, writing, and even a couple of meals. Oh, and some housework too, I believe. My goal is to get back to a "normal" sleeping pattern and develop a little more structure to my day, in the hopes of avoiding those low days filled with feelings of worthlessness.

With the holidays approaching, I'm truly hoping for some type of romantic holiday miracle story... one that involves me not only getting a job, but getting a great job. Just in time to put some presents under the tree, and even share a little holiday magic with those less fortunate than I.

Speaking of the holidays, my mother is going to see her mother, my favorite grandmother, for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what this means for me. I have no idea what the other family members are up to. Two of my friends have asked me what I am doing for Thanksgiving, and I am slightly tempted to host a "lonely hearts" type Thanksgiving. However, Brian would have been one of the guests, and I'm still not really pleased with his behavior. I'm a softy, though, so I am sure at some point, I'll get over it. We'll see what's in store.

Well, it's near my bedtime. Ha! I have some things to finish. Hopefully by Friday, I'll be writing to you about my new job!