My father has messaged me back. Thankfully, he didn't choose to write an epic letter covering the last 37 years. It was a short message... he said he always wondered about me... and I always wondered if he wondered. It took me until today to write back. After all of this time, it's hard to determine where to start. What to say. So I just told him that I had written him off in my 20's, figuring I didn't know him, so what difference would it make. But, that as I have gotten older, I better understand that we are all human and none of us perfect. I felt I would regret not talking to him.
The reality is that he won't be around forever. At 70-ish, who knows how long he will be here. I think it's important for me to know this mystery half of my existence. Even though I may feel a little guilt that it might hurt my mom. She's never mentioned much of him and I have never asked out of respect for her. Whatever happened between them, in her heart, she has never been with another man. Just kind of closed herself off and I always thought that was sad.
Again, I don't know what will become of all of this... and it is possible that I could regret opening the door. But none of us really know what lies at the end of a journey once they walk through those doors... I'm hoping it's something beautiful.
1 comment:
Seems like there is so much more to the story, so much bound up in everyone's hearts.
Gentleness will bring it out.
People often speak of "closure," but somehow this seems different.
I too, hope it will be beautiful.
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