Call me "Sue"

There is so much bullshit going on in the world, and I'm acquiring a pissy attitude about it. I think I am going to start suing people for a living. I'm going to sue all of the guys that pretend they aren't jackasses...

(okay, I'm already rich, but can I finish bitching please?)

I'm going to sue every politician that promises us shit to get our vote; and then perpetually sodomizes the people of America once they are in office.

I'm going to sue my cable company for charging me for services they don't provide and forcing me to talk to people from India; while Tom, Dick, and Harry- American -guys don't have jobs.

I'm going to sue the almighty gasoline providers for charging us a magically higher price for the same ol' shit... every frickin' Labor Day weekend.

I'm suing Uncle Sam for taking my tax money to pay for killing people; who never even tried to steal the Twinkie out of my lunchbox.

And... I'm going to sue whomever made Britney Spears famous and "auditorally" raped me by playing her music on the radio... then rubbed salt in my wounds by making me look at her snatch while she exits a limousine.

I'm suing every adult that said I could be whatever I wanted. Really? I can't even find a job!!!!


I'm suing cavemen for making "modern men" think that if they breathe heavy and pull your hair you will want to co-habitate with them.

I'm suing Maybelline for making me think I was the only one not "born with it."

I'm suing L'Oreal for making people hate me because I'm "beautiful"... even though your slogan begged them not to.

I'm suing QVC for creating an underground of shop-aholics without providing a support group.

Maury Pauvich? I'm suing him for not being able to figure out who the baby daddy is after 14 -too -many seasons.

I'm suing the dog next door for slaughtering my groundhog.

I think I'd like to sue the makers of the film "Jaws" for making me fearful of the ocean...

I'm suing the spiders that invade every room of my house and don't pay rent...

Marlboro? Where's my cowboy hat, and horse!? I'm suing you too!

I'm suing marijuana for NEVER making me feel "groovy..."

And... I'm gonna sue YOU for not telling me I'm a cool, but slightly, crazy bitch!