Despite not getting into bed until 9 a.m. And rising 5 hours later... I managed to have good day.
Up all night writing random rants of love unrequited... seemed to have cleaned out some of the negative clutter in my mind. I was tired. But alive again.
It was a beautiful day outside. Sunny and warm. Opening the windows allowed the world to breathe new life into this house. Into me. I soaked up some of the warmth of the sun... watched the squirrels play, and the butterflies bouncing along the blades of grass.
And when I came inside... I began cleaning my house. Feeling attached to it again. Loving it again. I was beginning to resent it. Letting the burden of affording it while unemployed sour the joy and pride it used to fill me with. I was happy to clean it. Smiling. Sweeping up dirt from the plant that got knocked over, cleaning out the cat litter... even finding a dead mouse; made me happy.
My carpet is clean and waiting for the piano to rest it's legs on it. We are supposed to leave to pick it up between 4 and 6 p.m. I'm excited, but a little nervous. Nervous about moving the massive thing, and nervous about whether I'll actually play it. But having a piano in the house, in my sight, makes the dream of playing a little more real than just a drifting thought in my mind. It really seems meant to be. The woman who is giving it to me is single and 36. Very kind and thoughtful. A church going woman. We exchanged some emails early this morning and she thanked me for the coffee conversation. I have a feeling we will become friends. An interesting connection.
Emails. Yes, many emails. Emails from C.F. Thankfully, C.F. has left the lines of communication open. I would not have faired well if he had just shut me out completely. And as the days slowly pass I become a little more comfortable with "the end" of our brief love affair and the continued growth of our friendship. He's a special person to me. And I like to keep those special people around. Close to my heart. I hope we enjoy a long and lovely friendship.
There is already a "boy" volunteering to sit in the newly emptied spot on the roster. Someone that I initially met when I was in a serious relationship. He was an acquaintance of my ex, and someone I always found attractive. We just happened to be in the same place at the same time, and he asked for my number. When he walked away from my car he said "You look good!" Thanks! I needed that! A freshly rejected woman will never be ungrateful for a man telling her she looks good.
I'm not really feeling a need to get involved. My mind is on C.F. and I am supposed to be having a visitor from Ireland in December... so getting into any type of serious relationship right now would be silly. And as nice as "R." is... we don't know each other well enough to even get into that quite yet.
My priority is still finding a job. Got my 6 month car insurance bill today, and more bills from my June trip to the hospital. None of which I will have money for. Two weeks left of unemployment and I have to wait to file my extension. Silly red tape. As if I'm not stressed enough! Right now... I'm thinking of skipping the plan to pursue the $10,000 in free tuition and opting for the help with attaining a job. It doesn't make sense for me take more college classes. You have to pursue careers on their "high demand" list. And the only one that sincerely interests me is "Interior Designer." Unless there is a way to finish that in two years... I'm not interested at all. I'm really feeling good about pursuing my writing and artistic adventures. Feeling like it's what I'm meant to be doing. And I don't think I should waste anymore time and energy on something else. I've done that for most of my 36 years... and it didn't make me very happy.
"Find your passion. And pursue it." That is what I'm going to do...
Up all night writing random rants of love unrequited... seemed to have cleaned out some of the negative clutter in my mind. I was tired. But alive again.
It was a beautiful day outside. Sunny and warm. Opening the windows allowed the world to breathe new life into this house. Into me. I soaked up some of the warmth of the sun... watched the squirrels play, and the butterflies bouncing along the blades of grass.
And when I came inside... I began cleaning my house. Feeling attached to it again. Loving it again. I was beginning to resent it. Letting the burden of affording it while unemployed sour the joy and pride it used to fill me with. I was happy to clean it. Smiling. Sweeping up dirt from the plant that got knocked over, cleaning out the cat litter... even finding a dead mouse; made me happy.
My carpet is clean and waiting for the piano to rest it's legs on it. We are supposed to leave to pick it up between 4 and 6 p.m. I'm excited, but a little nervous. Nervous about moving the massive thing, and nervous about whether I'll actually play it. But having a piano in the house, in my sight, makes the dream of playing a little more real than just a drifting thought in my mind. It really seems meant to be. The woman who is giving it to me is single and 36. Very kind and thoughtful. A church going woman. We exchanged some emails early this morning and she thanked me for the coffee conversation. I have a feeling we will become friends. An interesting connection.
Emails. Yes, many emails. Emails from C.F. Thankfully, C.F. has left the lines of communication open. I would not have faired well if he had just shut me out completely. And as the days slowly pass I become a little more comfortable with "the end" of our brief love affair and the continued growth of our friendship. He's a special person to me. And I like to keep those special people around. Close to my heart. I hope we enjoy a long and lovely friendship.
There is already a "boy" volunteering to sit in the newly emptied spot on the roster. Someone that I initially met when I was in a serious relationship. He was an acquaintance of my ex, and someone I always found attractive. We just happened to be in the same place at the same time, and he asked for my number. When he walked away from my car he said "You look good!" Thanks! I needed that! A freshly rejected woman will never be ungrateful for a man telling her she looks good.
I'm not really feeling a need to get involved. My mind is on C.F. and I am supposed to be having a visitor from Ireland in December... so getting into any type of serious relationship right now would be silly. And as nice as "R." is... we don't know each other well enough to even get into that quite yet.
My priority is still finding a job. Got my 6 month car insurance bill today, and more bills from my June trip to the hospital. None of which I will have money for. Two weeks left of unemployment and I have to wait to file my extension. Silly red tape. As if I'm not stressed enough! Right now... I'm thinking of skipping the plan to pursue the $10,000 in free tuition and opting for the help with attaining a job. It doesn't make sense for me take more college classes. You have to pursue careers on their "high demand" list. And the only one that sincerely interests me is "Interior Designer." Unless there is a way to finish that in two years... I'm not interested at all. I'm really feeling good about pursuing my writing and artistic adventures. Feeling like it's what I'm meant to be doing. And I don't think I should waste anymore time and energy on something else. I've done that for most of my 36 years... and it didn't make me very happy.
"Find your passion. And pursue it." That is what I'm going to do...
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