It's Politically Correct to be an "Unmarried Woman"

In case you guys are wondering what sexy, available woman do on a Friday night... we sit on the couch, at home, alone, with a bag of bad Boy Scout popcorn and watch movies from the 70's about being single. I didn't realize they said "Fuck" in the movies back then! It's almost like the original Sex In The City, which brings to light the eternal torment of love and dating. I was 7 when this movie came out.

My only problem with boys then, was trying to beat them up on the playground without getting caught; or trying to kick their ass in dodge ball. Those were the days! I still have a scar on my ankle from a kick soccer wound I received in 1978. Back then, I was "in love" with Paul, the "new kid." He plucked every last bloom from his mothers lilac bush and dropped them into my arms from his perch on the roof of their garage. Talk about ROMANCE! I returned my affection by kicking him in the nuts, everyday, thereafter, at lunchtime. I didn't know what nuts were back then, so don't think I was an abusive child! I remember sitting in the office. The principal nervously trying to explain that I could not kick boys "there." He never got into detail as to why it was forbidden, and a little part of me always wondered what the big secret was. I didn't begin to understand "nuts," "balls," "the twins..." until about 12. In my second semester of college, I got to learn the complicated inner-workings of the testicles in Biology.... it was then that I began to appreciate them. Fascinating little buggers they are!

So, back to 2008... again, I'm home watching a movie on a Friday night. Nick is at work. Mack went to a ballgame. Mack might be in for Sunday (after I "dared" him to have fun with me in an email) and Nick says that the reason he doesn't ask to come over or see me is that he's "insecure" and doesn't want to "impose." I've decided that both of these gents are: passive-aggressive, potentially alcoholic, non-committal, and emotionally unavailable. Sounds bad when you put it all together in one sentence, doesn't it?!?! Hey, we've all got our issues. If we didn't, single people might not exist, which would result in the death of dating sites, matchmakers, cologne sales, fitness equipment, singles bars, singles cruises, mail order brides, divorce attorneys, lingerie shops, condom factories, STD clinics... hundreds of billions of dollars LOST!!!!! My tortured singlehood is supporting the American Economy! It's PATRIOTIC! POLITICALLY CORRECT! Ah ha!