"I get so weak in the knees, I can hardly..."

Weakness. I'm going to let you inside Mona's mind a little and confess my weakness. I have a real problem with disappointment. I know that the word disappoint means "failure to satisfy the hopes or expectations of," but it shouldn't mean (and doesn't) "the ability to cripple the contentment of the mental state of Mona Lake." I've grown a lot in the last several years and I definitely have had my share of disappointments. But, I've discovered that I am only able to handle one at a time, in a truly healthy way. You see, I was on top of the world Wednesday. I was enjoying my LAST CLASS before graduating, looking forward to getting my cable fixed, my A/C fixed, and my date with Mack. But, because of the storm knocking out the power, the first two things had to be cancelled... and the latter... well... I never got the email from Mack cancelling. So, I waited, nervous, anxious, and then MAD AS HELL. All of that disappointment just festered in the silent darkness of my empty house without power.

I have spent a lot of time and effort trying to develop a stronger internal core of my being. I am ashamed to say that I literally stewed over these things until late last night. However, I am also trying to learn how to be more kind to myself. So, I'm questioning the balance. And where it lies at this moment. Would I really be strong enough to handle a relationship, or KIDS!!??? I want to think so, but, if I can't live through an unfortunate thunderstorm... I had options, if I sought them. I could have stayed with friends if I wasn't being so proud. I could have spent some time smiling, instead of pouting. In honor of optimism, I will officially categorize this as a lesson "learned."

And for those who only read my crazy blog for my boy crazy banter...

I can prove I am not a sex-starved, dirty-minded floozy! Nick, an ex from a few years ago, flirtatiously invited me for a night of equally needed sex... and I declined. He would have been "safe" considering I have "been there done that." Wouldn't have to ADD him to the "list." I'm not sure what that means yet. I can't confidently say that I would always turn the offer down, but, I was content with my decision to say no.

And as for Mack... I was not impressed with his method of cancelling the date. However, he was very honest about his reasons and admitted some insecurity. His ability to be humble, in my eyes, makes him worthy of a chance. I feel we could be friends. You can never have enough friends! If anything more comes of that... well then it does. But, for now, I'm turning my man-o-meter down a notch.