This is Your Brain on Unemployment...

I thought I would stick to this morning's apparent theme, and share a photograph of my brain on unemployment. Okay, so it's really my breakfast, but it serves a dual purpose today. My brain, the egg, as you can see, has been broken apart, and partially demolished. However, the toast, my future, let's say, remains untouched... yet very near my mangled brain. I've literally chosen to consume my brain, rather than taste my future.

Yes, I have problems.

Anyway... I've decided to remain awake for as long as I can today. I've managed to get in a 30 minute workout. I think it is my first one for the entire month of December. Unfortunately, I do not have a "Big Brother" type surveillance system installed in my house, so you are unable to laugh uncontrollably when I attempt aerobic exercise. My 20 pound fluff-ball Maine Coon cat rather enjoys it when his "mommy" goes crazy and runs around the house. To add resistance, I toss him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, as I walk, or jog, in circles, through the living room, kitchen, and dining room. All the while, he purrs and squeals. Apparently, it wore him out, because he's currently sleeping in the slumped couch cushion that has become concave from his mild obesity.

After my feline-friendly workout, I started making breakfast, and attempted to break through the auto-mated unemployment system on the phone. When my misfortune first began, eight months ago, I could get right through. Today, it took at least twenty tries, and 45 minutes to connect successfully! I began a slight freak-out, wondering if I would connect before my 9 a.m. cutoff time. If that were the case, I would have had to wait until Thursday to call, and Monday to receive my check... potentially making my house payment late. They assign call times according to the last two digits of your social security number. Is my group growing too large for the allotted hour? There is a definite correlation between the increase in unemployment and the ability to access the system. I sense a total collapse, or, at least, reorganization of the system in the future.

While in the kitchen, my Northern male Hairy Woodpecker had settled onto the suet feeder for his own breakfast. I tried, once again, to snap a photo of him, but he flew off. Next comes the seemingly chubby Blue Jay. He escapes without a photograph as well! What is it with these birds? Don't they not know how desperately I need something to do? They must have quite keen eyesight, as they instantly detect my camera-wielding presence on the other side of the window.

That reminds me of a funny tale...

I was on the phone with my friend, Tonya, on the afternoon of the 23rd. I was telling her how I hadn't seen the birds at the feeder lately, and that the damn things won't let me take their picture.

"Mona. Birds fly south for the winter!"

Hilarious! She really didn't know that some species of birds remain local for the winter season. Not surprising, coming from her. She's not much of a nature girl. In fact, the only thing "natural" about her is... is... umm... her desire to eat? Huh. Complete loss, I am at one. It makes me wonder if she is truly that oblivious to anything that doesn't involve cell phones and shopping. As I explained to her that birds, such as my Woodpeckers, Blue Jays, and Cardinals, will remain local as long as there is a constant food source, she replied, "You really need to write a book."

Sure. About birds?


An interesting fact I learned Saturday night, while playing "Malarkey" with some professional bullshitter friends of mine: Woodpeckers do not get headaches from all that pecking because their beaks are not attached to their skulls. Now if any of you win money on "Jeopardy" because you learned this from reading my blog... I will demand 20% of your total winnings.

Today, I made a conscious choice. The choice to be civilized and eat my breakfast at my rarely-used dining room table. I'm not going to lie... I initially headed right for the couch, but the coffee table is a little cluttered from yesterday's lazy-fest. It was when I looked at the stack of Christmas cookie containers, and pair of empty Diet Coke cans, that my brain suggested I sit at the table.

Does anyone sit at the dining table to dine anymore?

My old boss at an electronics retailer decided that families not sitting at the dinner table anymore had contributed to our society's decline. I tend to believe that a bit. Growing up, we rarely sat at a table to eat. My mother even bought a fancy-shmancy oak dining set when the house had been remodelled, and I think we ate at it twice. (Look how I turned out!) The table now only serves as a support system for a bunch of dusty junk, and is unlikely to be used, as intended, ever again. I, on the other hand, have a dining room table that is meal-friendly. It is clean, and clutter free, yet, for some reason, when I eat, I mindlessly head for the couch, and my rump frumps into the cushion.

I'm actually so interested to know if people sit at their tables anymore, that I am going to post a poll... Let me know, HONESTLY, where you consume your meals most often.