Missing in Action.
Mona in Atrophy.
I have been at a loss for words; and a general loss for true emotion lately. Sleep is inconsistent, and at times: impossible. I awake with non-specific anxiety, and a sore jaw from grinding my teeth while I indulge my "chronic napping*."
What the hell is the answer here?
This is what troubles me.
Being a solution-minded individual, the unconquerable forces of the economy are demolishing my brain! I feel completely powerless! I am able and willing to work! And at this point, some eight months after losing my job to the very economy I speak of, getting a job is critical to my sanity and self worth. I am here to tell you that unemployment is perhaps the most destructive condition I have ever encountered!
One of the most prevalent symptoms is a lack of brain function. I can't remember shit! I might have one important obligation in a week, and I literally have to write it down. After I have written it down, I have to pray to God that I know what damned day it is, in the hopes that I will fulfill my solitary commitment! This is quite disturbing to me, considering I have always managed a very demanding schedule, such as working and attending school full-time.
Another issue is the feeling of unimportance, a lack of relevance in the big, busy, world around you. You are no longer a contributing member of society. No longer contributing to your bank account! Having no social obligations, and no money to attend any, leads to the virtual erasure of your existence. This is not a comfortable nor encouraging feeling!
Add to that, the mandatory negativity! If I were to look at my current situation in an entirely positive light, I would be severely delusional, and possibly committed to the local mental institution. Not my idea of a good time! Therefore, I have to acknowledge that I may NOT find a job for a good long while. I also have to acknowledge that there are thousands of people in the same state of unemployment as myself, that are also competing for the ever elusive jobs that I am applying for. The number of postings are drastically declining, as the rates of unemployment and utility costs skyrocket! This is not an easy battle to fight! It's like going to Iraq with a squirt gun and expecting to come out alive.
I busted my ass to obtain a $36,000 "American Dream." And now the world is trying to convince me that this is not a plausible accomplishment. What?! I'm not trying to live above my means, not trying to impress people with my Lexus, or my Country Club membership. I am simply trying to maintain my financial independence, and keep a tattered-shingle, and occasionally leaking, roof over my head. I refuse to believe that America cannot provide enough opportunities for such a "dream" to exist.
I, also, refuse to believe that the world has forgotten me, and that my place and purpose in this life has been permanently removed. Yet, I fail to find the solution. So I continue to atrophy...
Trial and tribulation has led me to a strong sense of being. I know that if I had my way, I would be a creative professional. A writer. Photographer. Interior re-designer. Quick-witted t-shirt producer... successful smartass. This is all intensely clear to me. However, finding the means to actualize this self-actualization, without a salary or savings account, has muddied my mind.
Damn't!
I have now begun to seek the advice of friends and family to gauge the level of realism of my potential career adventures. The majority of people I speak with seem to agree that I have some level of talent in these areas. I agree that I have the "balls" to give them a shot... I'm just not sold on the notion that I have the financial means to break through the seemingly impenetrable wall between dreams and reality. "I think I can" does not pay the mortgage.
I suppose this multiple-paragraph babble-fest could have started and ended with one question, "Where do I begin?"
"Where DO I begin?"
(chronic napping- Chronic napping occurs when an individual is unable to sleep for periods of time exceeding four hours. This individual is therefore in a chronic state of sluggishness and sleeps sporadically during the day and night. Rest achieved is most consistent with the term "nap." These individuals mimic the symptoms of narcoleptics, but can only dream of dreaming.)
Mona in Atrophy.
I have been at a loss for words; and a general loss for true emotion lately. Sleep is inconsistent, and at times: impossible. I awake with non-specific anxiety, and a sore jaw from grinding my teeth while I indulge my "chronic napping*."
What the hell is the answer here?
This is what troubles me.
Being a solution-minded individual, the unconquerable forces of the economy are demolishing my brain! I feel completely powerless! I am able and willing to work! And at this point, some eight months after losing my job to the very economy I speak of, getting a job is critical to my sanity and self worth. I am here to tell you that unemployment is perhaps the most destructive condition I have ever encountered!
One of the most prevalent symptoms is a lack of brain function. I can't remember shit! I might have one important obligation in a week, and I literally have to write it down. After I have written it down, I have to pray to God that I know what damned day it is, in the hopes that I will fulfill my solitary commitment! This is quite disturbing to me, considering I have always managed a very demanding schedule, such as working and attending school full-time.
Another issue is the feeling of unimportance, a lack of relevance in the big, busy, world around you. You are no longer a contributing member of society. No longer contributing to your bank account! Having no social obligations, and no money to attend any, leads to the virtual erasure of your existence. This is not a comfortable nor encouraging feeling!
Add to that, the mandatory negativity! If I were to look at my current situation in an entirely positive light, I would be severely delusional, and possibly committed to the local mental institution. Not my idea of a good time! Therefore, I have to acknowledge that I may NOT find a job for a good long while. I also have to acknowledge that there are thousands of people in the same state of unemployment as myself, that are also competing for the ever elusive jobs that I am applying for. The number of postings are drastically declining, as the rates of unemployment and utility costs skyrocket! This is not an easy battle to fight! It's like going to Iraq with a squirt gun and expecting to come out alive.
I busted my ass to obtain a $36,000 "American Dream." And now the world is trying to convince me that this is not a plausible accomplishment. What?! I'm not trying to live above my means, not trying to impress people with my Lexus, or my Country Club membership. I am simply trying to maintain my financial independence, and keep a tattered-shingle, and occasionally leaking, roof over my head. I refuse to believe that America cannot provide enough opportunities for such a "dream" to exist.
I, also, refuse to believe that the world has forgotten me, and that my place and purpose in this life has been permanently removed. Yet, I fail to find the solution. So I continue to atrophy...
Trial and tribulation has led me to a strong sense of being. I know that if I had my way, I would be a creative professional. A writer. Photographer. Interior re-designer. Quick-witted t-shirt producer... successful smartass. This is all intensely clear to me. However, finding the means to actualize this self-actualization, without a salary or savings account, has muddied my mind.
Damn't!
I have now begun to seek the advice of friends and family to gauge the level of realism of my potential career adventures. The majority of people I speak with seem to agree that I have some level of talent in these areas. I agree that I have the "balls" to give them a shot... I'm just not sold on the notion that I have the financial means to break through the seemingly impenetrable wall between dreams and reality. "I think I can" does not pay the mortgage.
I suppose this multiple-paragraph babble-fest could have started and ended with one question, "Where do I begin?"
"Where DO I begin?"
(chronic napping- Chronic napping occurs when an individual is unable to sleep for periods of time exceeding four hours. This individual is therefore in a chronic state of sluggishness and sleeps sporadically during the day and night. Rest achieved is most consistent with the term "nap." These individuals mimic the symptoms of narcoleptics, but can only dream of dreaming.)
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