I See The Light!

Finally... Spring is slowly inching its way back into my life. I have always adored the warmer months, with blooming flowers, and the smell of grass under your feet... but this year... I can't wait for the furnace to quit coming on! That's what life has come to! The beauty of nature is now second to a more affordable heat bill!

The best gift of Spring approaching is the earlier arrival of the sun each morning. What a help it is to pry me out of bed for my new-found state of employment. Despite all of my efforts, I never seemed to manage getting back to "normal," while I wasn't working; and now after just under two weeks, with or without the alarm, I'm up with the sun...

It slaps me in the face!

I wanted to create a "breezy" feel in my bedroom, so I have very thin, white cotton striped curtains hung at my windows. They serve the breezy purpose well, but they aren't sleep-in friendly at all! If I desire to sleep in past the rising of the sun, I am forced to risk suffocation while seeking shelter under my down comforters. Sometimes I laugh at how quickly I would have replaced those curtains with ultra-thick, insulated, black sun-proof ones back in the wild night-life days! I remember hating the sun... and the obnoxiously chirping birds when I was trying to sleep past noon. Now that I have changed my misguided ways, I feed the birds, and enjoy the brightness, and soon to be warmth, of the morning sun. Growing up does funny things to you!

I went to ceramics today. I'm a little frustrated that they haven't fired the kiln since last week. I have about 11 pieces waiting to be fired. In fact, today I emptied out my once cluttered drying shelf. Everything is waiting! Susan and I stepped out mid-way through the "clay day," for our regular shit-shooting session, and while we were outside, she found out that I have never used the wheel to throw clay. "I really like the direction you are going in with your clay. You have such an eye... and it's really cool to see you developing as an artist. You have to throw. I bet you'll get it the very first time." She said. WHAT? I absolutely admire her work! SHE has an eye! And some crazy impressive skills! She studied art in college, and has worked with ceramics for more than 20 years. Me? I'm a complete novice who's only goal is to have my work not shatter in the kiln! The rest is like a bonus! My friend saw some of my in-progress work on my Myspace page, asked me if I sell it, and suggested that I join her for one of her open house gatherings to sell some of my work. What? Would someone BUY it? I'm not sure about that!

What I am sure of, however, is my unfortunate inability to really take any compliments in when it comes to my work. I may still be new with ceramics, but in the past, I have produced some pretty cool art stuff, that others have received quite well. But how can I believe that anyone would want my stuff, if I, myself, do not appreciate it? Why is there such a detachment with most anything I create? Am I that afraid of being self-absorded and egotistical that I have no ego at all? In my defense, I didn't really grow up in an encouraging environment. I didn't have a lot of "cheering on" as a kid... so maybe it's new to me. Maybe it's just something I have to learn. I had a famous singer/songwriter compliment me on some writing I shared with him, and even that didn't give me a "maybe I am talented" feeling. This numbness I have had is something that I have been acknowledging during my self-exploration-because-you-have-nothing-else-to-do time... and I'm very curious about it. But... as I begin to share more of what I truly love, what I truly am... a quirky creative creature... I become less afraid of what people might NOT like, and more open to the fact that they don't have to like it, but I have to create anyway... that's what I'm most happy doing.