It's All About the Green

I got to "sleep in" this morning. Didn't get out of my incredibly comfortable bed until 8:15 a.m. Well, actually, I did get out of it an hour and fifteen minutes earlier... to turn off the alarm clock. I'm almost embarrassed about how exhausted returning to work, part-time, has made me. It's not the work itself that is killing me; it's the long-forgotten daily getting ready routine that has been the most powerful shock to my system. Having no money, and, no where to go, for almost a year leads to a life most often spent on the couch, in sweats, with uncombed hair. What's the point of spending money on water for showers, shampoo, conditioner, styling products, electricity for blow dryers and curling irons, makeup, and laundry detergent for the clothes you put on; if you are broke as a joke, and a virtual shut-in?

My first hour of work was spent out of the office, interviewing an acquaintance of mine for the major project I have been assigned to. It had been well over a year since we had seen each other, and you always feel better when others see you at your best, so I used that as motivation to "get pretty" today. I decided to wear my new green cashmere sweater I had purchased Monday night, with my favorite black skirt and boots. My cheery green sweater is one of my greatest triumphs of late... originally priced at $90. Reduce that price by 90%, and you get to cozy up with $9 cashmere! Boy was I glad I took the time to overcome my visual A.D.D. long enough to find that fuzzy little treasure in the clearance rack at Kohl's.

That's the crazy cycle you get trapped in when you endure an extended period of time unemployed. You don't have any money, so you don't spend any. That's all fine and good. But, when you haven't purchased any clothes, let alone business clothes, in over a year, you either have to hope you don't get fired for wearing a tired pair of blue jeans, or gamble some cash on securing a permanent job and purchase a work-appropriate wardrobe. We are (hopefully) near the end of winter, and my job assignment is only confirmed until April, so I only picked up a few things: two $9 cashmere sweaters, one black and one green; a 70% off brown cardigan, and a sale-priced pair of brown patterned dress pants to avoid looking like I'm attending a funeral every day after work. I'll use those pieces to create "new" outfits from the few things I have in my closet.

One of my semi-estranged relatives sent a "Congratulations" card for my recent college graduation containing a check for $50, a very kind and unexpected gesture! I also had a $30 Kohl's gift card from Christmas to help offset my costs. There is something very humbling about shuffling around your finances, and negotiating a pair of pants from yourself. As much as I would love to believe that employees are judged by their contribution, and not their outward appearance, I think we all know this isn't true. So to make money... I had to spend money. The woman at the checkout gave me the usual "Would you like to open a Kohl's charge account and save $20 today" speech... I knew it was coming. "Think of it as a savings account. They send you discount coupons every month that even apply to clearance items," she says. A pretty good sell, however, why in the hell would I want a credit card, when I don't have a job? And don't they ask you about your employer anyway? What would I put there? God?

"Thank you for the offer, but I've been out of work for a very long time. The only reason I am here today is because I think they prefer me to come to work with pants on."

"Ohhhh. I understand completely, you have to have clothes to wear to work! Hopefully it turns into something permanent for you," she declared after I explained that my new job was temporary.

If there is to be a silver lining found in this economic nightmare, I think it is compassion. Because this disaster has affected everyone... rich or poor, I think people have begun to look outside of themselves, outside of their own lives, long enough to realize that we are all suffering, and being kind to one another helps to ease the pain. I watched Oprah today, because it was "Putting a Face on the Recession," an interview based show about fellow Americans who suddenly found themselves on the streets, some despite formerly making six-figure incomes. Parents who won't tell their adult children that they are now homeless to avoid burdening them. Single mothers living in homeless shelters, praying that one of the hundreds of strangers around them doesn't harm their children. People just as desperate for work as I have been for ten months. People just trying to survive.

On Friday I will receive my first paycheck in ten months! I'd really like to frame it, so I won't have to worry about forgetting what a paycheck actually looks like... feels like; but that beautiful piece of paper will need to be in the bank! Oh do I long for the day when I won't have to race to the bank in a "please don't bounce, checks" panic! A day when I don't have to analyze every spent dollar more intently then the federal government overseeing the GM bailout. A day when I can put on that $9 green cashmere sweater with a smile, and say, "You got me through through some hard times," and hopefully got me a (permanent) job!