Young, Restless... and Random

It's 12:30 a.m. and my alarm is going to start squealing in 5 1/2 hours. I was really falling asleep during the 11 o'clock news... even cut it short for fear of leaving the t.v. on. But, somehow, my mind started reeling randomly... about my fantasy art studio and whether or not I should add it on to the house or build it at the very back of the yard. Huh? What sense does it make to concern myself with such things when I have all of $900 spare dollars in my bank account and plenty of other repairs that must precede this desired draft house. I immediately surrendered the idea of pursuing sleep and got up to make myself a cup of mint tea. I then was easily entertained with "mint tea... it's minty," and, well, I continue to digress!

I've just made another cup.

Here comes a confession: I've been watching "The Bachelorette." Yes, I'm ashamed, but you must know that I'm not watching it because I truly want to. I think I'm watching it because I'm desperately searching for a reason not to cancel my cable service and spend that $70 a month on something more meaningful than 100 some channels of absolute crap. This debate has been on-going for at least a year now. Why can't I just let it go? I honestly don't watch that much t.v. in the first place.

To continue in the theme of randomness... while watching "The Bachelorette" I searched "how to find love" and came across an article that was semi-interesting and mildly intellectual. Perhaps I could have paid more attention to it, but that would have required my inquiry to be serious... and I just don't believe finding love should be so analytical, calculated, and planned. But, I also apparently suck at it! Interesting, but not interesting enough for me to investigate! Anyway, one of the suggestions the article makes is to make a list of your ideal mate, right down to height, occupation, personality, hobbies... you name it. Hmmm. I've heard this a few times before. However, it gives me a "Weird Science" kind of image when I think of drafting the plans of my future mate and seems entirely unnatural. And if I were to stay true to what my list would entail... I would be single well into my 50's at minimum! The sad truth is the kind of man I truly desire is unlikely to reside within a 50 mile radius of my home, and more likely to require a passport to visit me.

The article did mention "settling" and something about sticking in relationships that aren't really working and therefore distracting ourselves from what we really want. Ironic, because my on-again-off-again (more off than on) fellow of over 10 years asked me out earlier in the evening and I agreed. At one point in time, I secretly referred to him as my husband, meaning I envisioned us married somewhere down the line; however, any nuptial notions have long since passed and never returned. We just haven't been in the same proverbial place in years. I don't think it so wrong to spend time with him. He's a friend after all. It's comfortable. Safe. Familiar. We laugh together. Aren't concerned with false impressions or insecurities. A hell of a lot better than unwittingly going on a blindish date with someone from an online dating site in my book! I've been craving more social interaction and that's all it really is. Lately, I've been working, or basically spending time at home, and not always wisely. I think I'll stick with my plans and save the analyzing and calculating for the weekend.