Potato Salad for the Soul

I'm happy to report that I've gotten out of bed. I look like a hot mess, but I'm feeling a little better. I really didn't like feeling as though I was falling apart, but I needed to process a lot of pent up emotion before I exploded. So I exploded.

I hate crying. It makes me feel stupid. But... sometimes we just have to let it out. And I'm grateful that I did, grateful for my good friends who listened to my pathetic babbling, and thank God I work with wonderful, understanding people. The reality of life is that sometimes it's hard. And lately, I've just had too much coming at me at once, and didn't have, nor make, the time to work it out. I was barely hanging on... and then I found out a dear man I knew succombed to cancer. He was supposed to have 3-6 months; but he only made it two weeks. Sadly, because I was wrapped up in my own shit and don't get the paper... I missed his funeral. And of course, I'm sad that he died. Just as I fear my Chester is dying. His death reminded me how fragile my Chester is.


So after hours of tears, countless naps, and thoughts good and bad... I got up off my ass and started therapy. Cooking therapy. I busied my mind with the tedious dicing of celery, bacon, onions, eggs, and potatos. A little potato salad for the soul, if you will. I've exchanged the mess of feelings in my mind for a mess in the kitchen... and I'm okay with both of them. I'm okay. Sometimes things stress us out. Sometimes things hurt. Sometimes people that have been kind to you do things that are unkind. I really don't understand why, and just like the silence that surrounded the existence of my father hurt me... this silence hurts too. But it won't hurt forever. Thank you for being there... you know who you are.