SHARP TURN AHEAD!

Ahhh.


Ah HA!


Life has a strange way of sending us little messages. Little signs directing us gently towards the path that we are meant to travel on. But some of us stubborn, skeptical, students of life, fight this quiet guidance as if the universe were asking us to jump off a cliff!


Over the last couple days of my job juggling, during the few quiet moments I have had to myself... I realized that the decision I was about to make regarding which job I was going to dedicate the majority of my time to was based solely on money and monetary benefits. Yes, I may be crazy... but money means little to me. The last time I made an employment decision based on monetary gain, I suffered great personal loss. Loss of time. Loss of happiness. Loss of self.



What the hell was I thinking? I don't want to go back to that awful place! And if we just crunch numbers... I would have to work 40 hours at the job with benefits to make what I would earn in 25 hours at the job that has that "purpose" I've been so desperately seeking.



The man upstairs had been speaking to me through so many different people... several times a day. Although I really liked the people I was working with, there were those devilish things called "benefits" that were offered there, and I was more than capable of doing the job... I am much more than a person who can create a training schedule on Excel 2007, and happily shoot the shit on lunch break.


Over the last year, despite my struggles surviving unemployment, I have been the happiest I have been in many years. And that's because I was creating. Writing. Crafting artistic things. Satisfying my strongest need. The need to be creative. It took a lot of wrong turns, and learning how to ask for directions to find my proverbial path again. The thought of giving up all of that personal progress and growth, only to drive backwards through life with my eyes closed, is frightening.


These little voices, the signs, have come from strangers, friends, family, co-workers... and my heart. I had been very anxious... slowly realizing that I was about to "sell my soul" for money yet again. I think one of the hardest things for humans to do is to listen to yourself; a rather odd phenomenon considering that when it's all said and done, when we lay down our heads for the very last time... it is you and you alone that has to revel in the joy, or sorrow, your life choices have brought to you.



I was beyond content before I began entertaining the other career choice. Happy and at peace. As soon as I accepted the position, in a rush, to suit their needs, that nagging feeling crept back into my life. I am very confident that I am making the right choice. I have no doubt... no worry. And I'm very grateful that this time it won't take several painful years to get back on track. This time, it's just a simple U-turn.

Baggage of the Working Woman

Ah... the baggage of a working woman. I forgot how literally heavy the burden of working multiple jobs can be. My briefcase was bursting at the seams! Each zippered pocket was unzipped to allow for the accommodation of multiple binders, planners, folders, notebooks... none of which fell out on my semi-clumsy journey from the office to the car; toting this giant bag, and a large cardboard sign that caught the blustering wind like the sail of a boat!

My morning began with travelling through a rock storm. I was stuck behind a semi hauling two bulldozers on the highway. Just as the traffic broke enough to let me escape into the other lane...WHACK! Rock to the windshield! Yes, my windshield now bears a lovely, permanent, circular wound... and I have PLPD insurance. Good Morning, me.

The first job I reported to today was my almost-for-sure full-time job. There just wasn't much for me to do! I searched high and low; solicited chores and tasks. I fetched a cup of coffee for my cubicle neighbor, even though she swore she was kidding when I asked if I could get her one. I wasn't! The last thing I want to do in this economy is look dispensable. If they decide to cut the position I currently hold, at least they might keep me on as a coffee bar attendant.The Director I report to has been in meetings virtually every hour that I have been on the premises thus far, so we have yet to really work together; although last Friday's past seven o'clock at night coup had to have earned me some retention points. I have my first eight-straight shift there tomorrow, so I hope to be assigned something more important than volunteer inter-cubicle waitressing.

I only had the half an hour in between jobs to eat my lunch. The length of my commute. I was forced to either starve, or, eat McDonald's. I decided a Quarter Pounder with cheese and a refreshing Diet Coke sounded more enjoyable than the growling of my stomach would, so I got off on an exit midway and ordered my clogged-artery-in-a-box. There is just something so demeaning about eating a fast food burger while driving down the highway. Even though that was all I ate, I still felt gluttonous, and wondered who saw me dodging the ketchup-covered onions that kept falling out of the bottom of my burger.

Once I arrived in the parking lot at my other job, I had the daunting task of hauling my giant job-juggling bag of tricks into yet another office, without incident. Too bad when I reached for my hardly-sipped-on-soda, the shoulder strap of my big bag caught on some kind of door apparatus...

SPLOOOOOOSH!!! There goes my soda. Good Afternoon, me.

Aside from a weird visit from a man who had missed his appointment with Denise by over an hour and a half, and showed up while I was alone in the office, then asked me to make a hundred copies of papers he was about to pilfer from another project (while the phone was ringing and I was on another call)... I escaped my last five hours of work without tragedy. Next stop: grocery store.

I've got quite a list of items that I truly need, but the stores with the best prices are on the completely opposite side of town. I hate needless driving. That's probably why I only have 79,000 miles on a car I've had ten years. But there were some things I had to get, so I compromised by only buying the absolutely positively necessary things at the local, yet higher priced store. I was saving gas, saving the environment, and saving my tired little toes from traipsing around the gigantic store. Smart move!

Or not.

I forgot to pick up toilet paper. I have not even a square! Here's hoping my day doesn't get any shittier! (insert drum sound used after bad joke here) Looks like those leftover Christmas print paper napkins will come in handy after all.

My laundry is caught up, but my house is in a state I refer to as "scatteredaboutness." I've been quickly reminded of why I hate nylons. My friends and family haven't quite figured out why I'm suddenly not available, despite my repeated three-job testimony...and I find my eyes begin to close themselves after 8 p.m. Rock chip, bulging bags, spilled soda, smelly feet, shutting eyes... all worth it, I say. It's all about the baggage. What you choose to carry with you. And I'm willing to let it all go for a coupla paychecks, and whole lotta hope for the future.

'Bout to Bloom

It looks as if everything is about to bloom here in Mona's world. Potential careers, financial stability, affordable heat bills, and beautiful spring flowers are all slowly pushing their way up and into my life.

Just as I know there are gorgeous Iris blossoms in my garden by the fence... I still have to wait patiently for the timing to be right for them to successfully show their glory. I suppose this could be said of my job(s). Deep down I knew that one would come my way, I just had to wait, very patiently, for it. And just as the leaves of my gorgeous Iris blossoms are rising above the ground, so are my potential careers. But they need time... time to grow.

Saturday I sat with Chester. I turned the NCAA Championship on because I know he loves basketball. I fed him a sandwich, and had him sip on some pineapple juice in between his quartered sections of sandwich. While eating his last bit... he dozed off. Sandwich in hand. I chuckled a bit while thinking of how great a nap feels after you have enjoyed a meal; wondering if I'll ever fall asleep with a tiny morsel in my grasp.

I had taken my laptop over there to hone my Excel skills and discovered a wireless Internet connection. Score! This means that if Chester is napping I can utilize the time to get any necessary work done for my part-time job. Or, simply catch up on emails.

Once I had gotten home, I took advantage of the warm and sunny weather and cleared some post-fall-raking leaves from my flower beds. I absolutely love flowers, so despite not wanting to do the physical work, I was excited to unearth the bundles of green leaves that will soon be beautiful blooms.

Today, Sunday, I did a lot of my own napping. I was just tired! And if my schedule isn't proof enough that I've been working my ass off... then losing 3 pounds in one week should be! My weight loss wasn't planned, and I'm not on some "oh my God bikini season is approaching" cabbage diet... I've just been movin' and shakin'! Truth is, I don't want to lose more weight! I just bought four new pairs of pants!

Tomorrow brings another busy job-juggling week, and my last one without a consistent schedule. Monday, I'm working my part-time job, and going to ceramics for the last time during the afternoon. How sad! Tuesday will be my first full "regular" day at the full-time job, and Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday will be double-duty days. Saturday will be spent with Chester. Beginning Monday the 30th, I'll be working my full-time job Monday through Friday 9:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and squeezing at least five hours of my part-time work into the schedule somewhere. Virginia was concerned that maybe she should only ask me to sit with Chester every other week so I don't get overwhelmed... but I assured her that I do not mind and don't find it tiring. Letting a 90 year-old woman get out and enjoy her life is worth any "inconvenience" three hours on a Saturday might cause me.

So "Desperate Housewives" is about to end and I'm relocating to my bedroom to pick out tomorrow's clothes and get to bed. I'm excited to see what's in store for me this week... and if I'll be able to bring in some fresh cut flowers.

(Sigh)

Ahhhhhhhh. My couch. My long lost friend. We are together again!

What a week! It was hell. But a good kind of hell. I not only have a job; I have three... and I had several chances to demonstrate my ability at all of them... hopefully increasing the odds that I will retain employment permanently! Hallelujah!

It's one thing to know that you are capable of performing well, but yet another to actually have the opportunity to do so. I forgot how good it feels to achieve something tangible, to be a part of a team... and get PAID! This week I got to establish important connections, conduct a meeting, edit a press release, collaborate on a project, develop and manage a grid, have a business lunch, establish a marketing strategy, and develop a multiple staff training manual under a very tight deadline. I loved every minute of it!

Next week, I'm giving a presentation at a community wide event. My first solo representation of the non-profit. Yes!

And saving the best for last: I paid off two bills!

My house is a wreck from my chaotic schedule, but I'd say sacrificing a little tidiness for a lot of financial stability is a smart move. I was able to fall asleep more easily and rise more readily the last two days... and once the week of the 30th arrives, I'll have a consistent schedule. Once that starts, I'm sure I will wake as needed without depending on my multiple alarm clocks. I'm getting closer to a "normal" life as each day passes.

Although my journey of unemployment was one of the most difficult I have had to endure, the lessons learned... especially being truly grateful for each and every thing you DO have... have made me a stronger, and better person.

My unsolicited advice to those still immersed in the fiery flames of unemployment hell: don't give up. Ever.

Beat up! Beat down!

This 14 plus hours on the go, juggling jobs and existing appointments is KICKING MY ASS!

For the last two mornings in a row, I've been forced to eat my breakfast at the bathroom vanity in between mascara wand strokes. This morning... I ate spaghetti! My only other quick option was cereal, and I've been out of milk for four days.

I've fought good and hard to get this far; so I'm not giving up! If I can just get through these next 10 days... things should start to stabilize and I'll have time for a proper blog. Right now, I just have to wait for my licensing application to clear for my current job. If for some reason it doesn't (please GOD do not let that happen), I'll be back in the battlefield for a full-time job.

Wishing all of my unemployed or financially struggling readers the belief that they WILL make it!

I am.

Amen to that!

Goodnight!

A Quikie!

Just a quick update...

Broke the news to Job 1... they were all sincerely happy and I'm making a dedicated attempt at negotiating a way for me to stay on. I confess to being sentimental, and loyal almost to a fault. Instead of being in a self-absorbed fog of celebration... I'm a little sad and worried about ending my working relationship there. I don't want to!!!

Went into work at Job 2 in the late afternoon. Basically just set up my voice mail and email signature, and got a chance to chit-chat with my new co-workers. I feel really good about this so far.

Was on the run all day... but it was a good run! Cooking up some spaghetti so I have leftovers to "zap" while I'm flying from job to job!

Double Duty: Day 1

I successfully survived day 1 at Job 2, despite somehow mismanaging my bedroom alarm clock and cell phone alarm... waking up 40 minutes later than planned! NOT a great way to begin your first-day-on-the-job morning! I did have enough time to dress and shower... even to make a cup of my terrible, but cheap, coffee to drink on the panicked drive in. The morning air was warmer than usual, but not warm enough to drive with the window down. However, I had no choice, considering my driver's side window decided to get off track Sunday afternoon, leaving me to fret over when/how I could fix it before the rains came!

I arrived 10 minutes early, and 12 minutes before my predecessor. Shew! The day was mildly chaotic. Myself, two other first-dayers, and my predecessor/trainer, ran through the cubicles pilfering the necessary parts to assemble a functioning telephone and computer system. I now have ANOTHER desk, phone extension, ID badge and email account. Concrete proof that I do in fact have two jobs... at least for the moment.

Unfortunately, my ploy to finagle a four-day work week, allowing a solid day at the other job, was unsuccessful. SHIT! Plan B. I hadn't a plan B, but I quickly concocted one! My other job's offices are housed in a larger business' building so I don't think I can truly come and go as I please with my key card, but I believe I may be able to get in as early as 7a.m. When I was first hired, working at home was offered as an option... soooooooooooooooo... Plan B consists of reporting to Job 1 on Mondays and Wednesdays for an hour to sort through necessary assignments, report to Job 2 for my 9a.m.-5:30p.m. workday... work on Job 1 stuff when I get home for a bit... rinse and repeat. Okay... skip the rinsing, but you get the gist of it. I REFUSE to let go of that job. Not yet. They have been good to me, and I know they need the help right now. I will be able to honor my scheduled commitments for the next two weeks for sure, but I'd like to keep my toe in the door just in case I need to, and because I actually want to. I'll get to see how all of this goes when I break the news tomorrow morning...

After my three hours in at Job 2... I raced home and quickly changed from Betty Business to Sara Ceramics, and was back on the road before my engine even quit moving. I was frantically staining and glazing several bisque-fired pieces and sharing the "I may never see you again... at least not for awhile" news with my dear "dirt" buddies. I may be able to continue my ceramic adventures, but I would have to switch to the night session, and make new "friends." Frankly, I adore the ones I craft clay with now, so it's bittersweet.

Once the glazing frenzy ended, I raced off to my Mr. Fixit friend's house, where he dissassembled my car door panel and readjusted my wayward window. We also did a few other minor repairs, so my "little tin soldier" looks a tiny bit better. She's a ten year old car, with only 79,000 miles on her... but she's been in the wrong place at the wrong time and taken a few uninsured beatings along the way. But, she's paid for! If things go well in the job department, I just might treat her to a makeover, as I have NO intention of taking on a car payment anytime soon. I should be able to drive that ol' girl around for at least another 5 years. Gotta love a Honda!

Upon arriving home, the sunshine and warm air demanded that I clean out the garage, caring not that I had ZERO caloric intake for the day thus far. I had no time to eat! So while the oven was preheating to cook some cheap -and -easy -chicken, I swiftly organized some tools and supplies, making my exits and entrances a heck of a lot less dangerous! I won't have to worry about removing a stack of Styrofoam cups from the "spear" of my high heel as I rush out the door, ever again! (Don't ask.)

Now, it's nearing 10 p.m. I am going to select tomorrow's wardrobe, just in case I encounter another alarm clock debacle... and hopefully get some REST! I tossed and turned last night while trying to literally figure out my financial future with my cell phone calculator at 1 in the morning. But soon... soon I feel the stress and anxiety of bills and never-ending job hunting will come to a lull. The light is finally on at the end of the tunnel; and I can finally afford to pay the bill!

Last Day of Hibernation

Just as Spring is slowly approaching here... soon to be busied with bees, blossoming flowers, and slow growing blades of green grass; my life is soon to be busied with three jobs.

My "formal interview" on Friday (the 13th no less) consisted of "Nancy gave me the go-ahead to hire you, you start immediately." Huh? What? Whoa! I envisioned a long, somewhat boring, and tedious question and answer session with the typical hidden-motive psychologically analyzed blah-blah babble that most job interviews consist of. Afterwards, an offer presented, followed by me requesting the weekend to think it over. Funny how life never unfolds the way we wish it to.

My first thought after being arm-twisted into a permanent full-time job with excellent benefits and virtually guaranteed advancement opportunities, was "Carole is going to shit her pants!" Carole is the director I have been working most closely with at my part-time job. Project activity for the organization peaks through April, and the intention of them hiring me was to "prevent Carole from going crazy." I love the people I work with there, and I love the work that I do... but I also love financial stability. This is one of those times where I have to do something I'm not well-practiced in... doing what is best for me.

Crap.

Driving home from my interview Friday, I thought I might vomit on my dashboard! My mind was racing with the "what ifs," "what do I says" and "what are they gonna dos." I can't abandon the part-time job without notice. That's not an option for personal and professional reasons. They have been very good to me, and of course the pay is going to be hard to let go off. My new job has agreed to work around my existing commitments with the part-time job for my training, and may, may, if I'm lucky, allow me to work a four ten hour day work week... if so, I'll try to stay on at my part-time job once a week. I'll still sit with Chester on Saturdays. It's only three hours... and I adore them. I couldn't possibly take that joy away from Virginia. That one is an investment in karma.

So three jobs. Three jobs is the plan. In preparation for my intense week ahead... I've decided to hibernate today. My last day of hibernation. I wonder if bears are aware of their last day in the cave... and if they dread the busy days that await them? I'm going to have to learn a new job, new co-worker personalities, new on the way to work traffic patterns, fill out more tax forms... quit my beloved afternoon ceramics, figure out whether or not to still pursue the free tuition and schooling; have a painful discussion with my part-time job and negotiate a way to stay on with them... and hope that I am making the right decisions. I barely had enough time to adjust to the job I have... and now I've thrown another one into the mix.

What I just can't seem to accept yet, nor really celebrate, is the fact that in just a month or so... my financial stress may very well be over. I might actually be able to think about the future, instead of obsessing about how to make the most of $14 in food stamps so I can pay my heat bill. It still hasn't sunk in that I have the part-time job. How can I expect this to sink in?

"For all I know, they could say 'We were just kidding!' when I get to work on Monday morning." I told Virginia and her daughter on Saturday. Not very optimistic, I know, but I'm sure everyone can agree that these are very uncertain times in life. Realistic. I'm being realistic. And doubtful. Skeptical. Whatever non-believing adjectives you choose...

What I can do, is take it easy this last day. The last day of which I am certain about the goings on in my life. If I would have known they were going to throw the job at me on Friday... I might have planned some big to-do... a last hurrah before I jump into a three job, six day work week. It's been over four years since I have taken a vacation, and a solid year since affording one has even been remotely possible. It's going to pay off right?

Back to the "cave" of comforters, snacks, and semi-bad Sunday movies...

To Be Continued... Continued

Yesterday, before my interview, I was offered more hours and an extension to my current job assignment! The additional hours qualify me for sick, and vacation pay... and extend my guarantee of employment through September.


My interview went incredibly well. I was informed that they selected 50 potential candidate resumes for the current position holder to review. Out of those 50, she selected 5 to interview. "I'm looking not just for someone who is competent, but also someone who's personality works well with Nancy's." Apparently I met that criteria, as she checked the "hot candidate" box, and escorted me back to meet my potential new boss.


I got a call back for a "formal" interview today!


Tomorrow, at 4:30, after working at my current job, I'll be interviewing for the position. Even though I don't have the necessary details, like a solid offer on the table, I'm already feeling torn. My hopes are that if they do in fact make an offer of employment, that I at least have the weekend to weigh my options. I sense they are very eager to fill this position and I don't want to leave my current employer "hanging."


I had begun to give up hope that I'd EVER find a job... any job... and now that I have, I may face another offer. My current assignment is temporary... so the other position would be a better choice for longevity, but the economy, well, you know how that is... so there is no true certainty when it comes to employment. If they offer me a comparable wage to what my current employer is paying, this decision isn't going to be an easy one. And now, yet again, I have to decide what to wear...

Witness Protection Program

Help! I'm not sure that I'm ready for that big, bad world that so quickly forgot about me for the past ten months. A former "people person," I now find mingling amongst masses of homosapiens almost uncomfortable! I feel exposed; vulnerable; like a person in the Witness Protection Program that just got spotted in the produce aisle in Arkansas.


It is in fact a small world after all... but the world inside my house is even smaller. And definitely more predictable... more comfortable... less demanding. However, I failed to find a miraculous way to support my lone existence without leaving the safety of my humble home... and my brain tricked me into believing that if I didn't find a job soon, I would somehow feel unfulfilled...

So here I am... working. Voyaging through the world of the "normal" people, wondering who knows I've lived the life of a sloth for months on end... wondering if unemployment has visibly damaged me; nipped away my sense of value and competence. My "oh my God I have a job!" feelings are becoming lost in this sea of doubt... fear of failure... insecurity.

My world is shrinking all around me! I keep running into people I haven't seen in years, having to rehash my circumstances with each encounter. That I have a job, but it's temporary part-time, that I graduated, but I'm going back to school... I just don't know when... I have to constantly relive the frustrating uncertainty and instability of life in today's economy each time I explain "what's going on." I ran into my high school friend's father this morning, a friend of a guy I dated (but shouldn't have) in my 20's in the hallway at work ... the tenant of an apartment I remodelled is asking me out (I think), my ex that will never be "serious material" is back in town... Nothing truly complicated, but I'm used to just having an occassional conversation with my cat, not trying to explain my 10 months in hell without sounding pessimistic. Shit. Did I just admit that?

Anyway... I love my job. I like the people, I really like the pay... it's a seven minute drive from my house... and it has a purpose. But, it's temporary part-time until the end of April... at which time they may or may not offer me a permanent position, and if they do, it will likely be part-time. If it's the same amount of hours I have now, I can live off of that... and hope for more hours in the future; while still taking my ceramics classes, and returning to school.

NOW... I just got a call for a call-back interview at a new business that is opening in the late summer. There are 1,500 positions available... and already over 20,000 have applied. So this is a BIG DEAL. My interview is tomorrow at 3:30, after a day of work. Not ideal for me, but, at least I don't have enough time to overthink it and start freaking out. I'm already jumping the gun and trying to decide which job is the best fit for me. Rather silly, since I don't have a solid offer of permanent employment from either place. This is what the economy, unemployment, and living on a literal prayer does to your mind... I'm a friggin' mess! I AM already freaking out.

I suppose the good news is that I sprung for some new shoes and a few "businessy" wardrobe items... so at least I won't LOOK like a dishelved, neurotic desperado. And, I suppose that the worst that could happen is that I have a choice in which job to accept. The source of my paranoia, perhaps, is a fear of losing the person I most recently found; sacrificing the joy of truly being who I am, for the much -needed security of a reliable and sustainable income.

To be continued...

Spilled Coffee and Old Blueberries

It's 10 after 6 in the morning... and I've already been to Tennessee and Texas with my childhood friend, all the while trying to dial my real ex from Texas as my cell phone fails to allow me to look it up in "contacts." I was dreaming, of course, then awoke to the alarm clock going off at 5:33!

This should be illegal.

I drug myself directly into the bathroom for a shower, only to be confused by the one clock I hadn't switched the time on. For one moment, I thought I could crawl back into bed for another hour. Not so. Bliss is so brief under the lonely darkness of a pre-sunrise morning.

While in the shower, my cell phone alarm went off... I GET IT! I'M UP!!!

After I got out of the shower, the smoke alarm went off from the steam. I'm REALLY up now.

Progress to my "waste not want not" breakfast of instant vanilla pudding made from milk that's going to expire, and blueberries that are from August of 2008...

and then to my spilled coffee.

It's dark and raining. And, I'm off to do an "expo" for work. I have no clue where I am exactly supposed to be, or really what I'm supposed to do... after I get there.

Hopefully my mishaps have already mishappened...

Baby Needs A New Pair Of Shoes!

This morning I had to claw my way out of the most bizarre dream I've had in some time to get up and ready for work. I hadn't even bothered to pick out clothes to wear the night before, what's the point? There's nothing there. My wardrobe is like a multiple choice test in your high school English class, but instead of circling the best answer... you circle the closet looking for the best pair of pants. Best meaning they kind of fit.

This isn't working... this working. I'm not equipped for the job.

I barely made it out the door on time, wearing my $9 green cashmere sweater (again) and saggy seven year old pants with a loose hem on the left leg. This ensemble was accessorized with tired, two year old black heeled boots hiding underneath my unravelling and unflattering pants. I've noticed that the director looks at my boots often, and I think it's out of sympathy, or perhaps plain old confusion. Regardless of what other's think, these boots are barely holding on to their soles, and the soon-to-be-warmer weather commands less cumbersome footwear...

Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

It just so happened, that when I went shopping last week, I purchased a sweater that I hadn't tried on, and of course, it didn't' fit well. Since I had to take it back... I justified using that money towards a respectable pair of shoes... and again... I'm truly hoping that I'll be kept on permanently. A gamble, yes, but if they don't keep me on... at least I will have a nice pair of shoes for interviews!

First thing this morning, I was informed that the fellow staff member I referred to as "the least outgoing," gave me a compliment, and she NEVER does that, exclaimed the director and HR assistant. "She's the coldest fish you will ever meet, and she knows it, so for her to give you a compliment, that is a VERY big deal." Danielle stressed. Ms. Fish had to leave work unexpectedly to tend to her sick child, and asked me to finish a project for her. I was more than glad to do it, and I somehow managed to impress her with my competency. The interesting dynamic is that this "cold fish," and Danielle are sisters-in-law, and have worked together for a few years. Obviously, they have an interest in who they "invite" into their workplace, so if Ms. Fish likes me... I'm one person closer. I'm looking at this like hitting a penny slot jackpot! Not quite the big win, but a win nonetheless!

The $9 Sweater and the 6 Year Old Skirt

Thank God it's Friday! I am ready for a break from my daily work wardrobe challenge! I had been going into the office every weekday since I was officially hired, and let's just say my wardrobe doesn't support a five day work week. Today, I wore my new $9 black cashmere sweater, and a 6 year old skirt. The sweater is a classic V-neck, and will be in style until it unravels from excessive wear... but the skirt... well... I may very well have been the only woman in America wearing that tired style. But, it fit, and it was an appropriate length for a conservative-leaning business atmosphere. Gotta do what ya gotta do, and I gotta wear clothes to work!

The projects kept getting handed to me today. I have no idea how these people manage to get so much done, or, how they have managed to get things done without another person on staff. One of the first things the director said was that "you just have to accept that your work will never be done here." I took mental note of that immediately, because I don't like unfinished business in my life. I knew I would have to set my own boundaries. A few years ago, I worked as a regional director of sales and training; overseeing 15 different locations, and answering to the corporate entity. My work was never done there... and I wound up working nearly 24 hours a day. No... I was not paid for my exhausting efforts hourly. People who work those types of jobs never are. My boss was an avid golfer schmuck, who left me to carry my load and his, while he spent sunny afternoons working on his short game. I wound up practically working myself to death; acquiring anxiety and depression, chronic sleep deprivation, terrible eating habits, and an all-consuming hatred for my job. I hadn't set boundaries... and if I would have... I probably would have been fired. After thinking I was going to die from a heart attack, alone, in a cheap handicap hotel room in Fort Wayne, Indiana... I quit, and it was the best decision I ever made.

Since I started this job, I made a point to leave my briefcase in the car... to not "bring my work home." It is very tempting to work "off the clock" so I can become the super hero they couldn't possibly let fly away; but after my previously mentioned experience, I know this would be cheating myself, both personally and financially. Balance. I have to maintain balance. It is hard to fight the urge to work like a mad woman, considering I have been without work for so long, and this job is definitely one worth working hard for; but I have to.

Next week I set a more efficient, and wardrobe friendly schedule. I will be working my 15 hours in 3 days, instead of 5. Practically, this saves money on gas, and allows me to get more work done in one day. Selfishly, this prevents me from having to find 2 more outfits, getting ready (which costs money) 2 more days, keeps me from rushing home from work to change into my ceramics clothes, and allows me more than one day off. Working 5 days there, plus my Saturday "man-sitting" meant I was working 18 hours a week... in 6 days. Not an ideal management of time. I cleared it with the director before I left, and they did tell me I could make my own hours, so it shouldn't be a problem. We'll see how the rest of the staff receives it when I get to work on Tuesday.

My day ended with an interview with a marketing and media representative for another non-profit. Their organization is wanting to expand their services, and a relationship with the organization I'm working with could be mutually beneficial. I may have just scored my first networking connection for them. While I was rubbing elbows with these "big wigs," I realized how short I have sold myself the last couple years. My most recent employment endeavors definitely did not let me perform at levels matching my capability. I'm not saying I am a nose-in-the-air-better-than-you kind of person... I hate those people! But what I have realized, is that I have almost made excuses for my intelligence, because pretty girls aren't supposed to be smart, or have opinions on anything other than shoes and handbags. And saying that, just made me uncomfortable. I don't even think I'm that pretty. I'm just me. I care more about who I am on the inside, than on the outside, because the inside is what I have created, the exterior is just a result of complicated genetics. But if I truly care about my inside, why don't I acknowledge my brain... why do I almost hide it? The girls I worked with at the salon spa seemed to hate me for being smart, and I'm a peace-loving kind of girl... so I confess to dumbing it down... and that sounds bitchy to me. I hope someone understands what I'm saying, because I just got confused trying to explain it.

Anyway... I think the point was supposed to be that my co-workers at my new job seem to embrace new ideas, intelligence and hard work; and even though I'm doing it in a $9 sweater and a 6 year old skirt... I feel like a million bucks!

Mrs. B and Sloppy Joe

Seven days. I have survived seven days as a semi-employed person, without getting lost in the maze of the hallway, getting confused over whom I have or haven't contacted, and, most importantly... getting canned! To "celebrate" my successful seven day survival... I received my first paycheck! HALLELUJAH! I may not have arrived just yet... but my train is nearing the station! This is the first paycheck I've held in my sad, and very empty, little hands since April 25, 2008!

I got my first dose of "office politics" today. I was asked to contact a marketing consultant, because the Director finds her personally difficult to work with, and thought that because this marketing woman didn't know me, that maybe she wouldn't be such a (word that starts with a "b"). Well. She was very wrong. I was appalled at the verbiage this supposed marketing expert used. She felt it necessary to point out how ridiculous it was for the organization to expect anyone to attend the event... more than twice. I was left to wonder why on earth anyone had ever chosen to consult her for anything other than the imminent end of the world. I tried to be "fluffy" with her... stroke her exaggerated ego, and appease her pseudo-genius; caring none at all if she felt I was sincere. After our "lovely" conversation, I returned to the Director's office to report the miraculously marvelous (cough cough) ideas this marketing b-word suggested.

"I can certainly understand what you were saying," I said.

"Uh-huh. So it's not just me!"

I rehashed the tennis-match telephone call, but refrained from telling her exactly what I thought of this woman I was forced to speak with. I've worked in catty, conniving work places... and I would rather not have to relive those experiences, so I have made a point to keep things as neutral as possible. Besides, it's always the bottom of the totem pole that gets buried and forgotten... and I need this job!

"You've got to tell Danielle this... come on." She said with a smile, as we began marching through the hallway maze.

Ugh. Here I go. Here we go.

A little circle gathered as the Director and I told the co-workers about "Ms. B's" pleasantries on the telephone. Thankfully, Danielle seemed to accept it as a legitimate complaint. Danielle said she felt that because Ms. B must think we are "pee-ons," that she speaks to us differently; concluding that this was not acceptable. No it wasn't... but I was letting it go before I found myself tangled up in a pile of cat claws!

After work, I came home, spun around in 3 circles; transforming from Betty Businesswear to Clay-Covered Clara... and headed off to the studio. It's safe to say I've gone a bit overboard with making the most of my extra studio time, and have completely lost count of how many pieces I'm working on and what stages they are in. I think I have three... no... four... waiting to be glaze-fired, and approximately four more awaiting a bisque fire. Add to that, four that I have drying on my shelf... and I have my own art show! Don't I wish!

I am definitely still a novice when it comes to working with ceramics, and I have no delusional expectations that my work would ever be called "exquisite." I do it for fun. To release my neglected creative energies from my previous life as a peace-pipe smoking, pro-peace-love-and-happiness, save-the-planet beatnik from the 60's. I don't even have a "plan" when I begin working with a slab of clay. I wait for it to "speak" to me, and tell me what it wants to be.

NO!

I am not on drugs.

Right now I am just trying to learn by trial and error, and master the few skills I have acquired through my casual pursuit of ceramics. This go-round, I've been experimenting with carving methods, with no rhyme or reason; as you can see from the picture below... well... okay... above. Apparently, I'm not cool enough to know how to place photos within my text!

Anyway...

After I finished playing in the mud, I came home to my sloppy house, and made Sloppy Joes. I spied a can of "Manwhich BOLD" on the shelf at the grocery store and found myself hypnotized by the imagined taste of these spicy sloppy joes. Next thing you know, I have a can in my cart, and I'm anxiously waiting for my leftovers to run out so I can eat them in real life! Tonight was the night. And they were tasty! Of course I had to alter the "recipe," so I added diced yellow onion. It was 1/4 of and onion, and it needed to be used, I swear!

Sloppy. That's what I've become, at home, since I've been mingling with the outsiders in the outside world. My current state of scattered-about-ness is nothing that can't be remedied with an hour of cleaning with the music cranked. It just appears sloppy. Like my dinner... which I did, by the way, eat at the table. I have not become irreparably uncivilized... I'm just adjusting to my new life as an almost working woman. I promise I'll clean up my act by Saturday. Swear.

FAT Tuesday!

It's Fat Tuesday. Day of the Packzi, mysteriously pronounced poonch-key. A glorious day at Mardi Gras in New Orleans, but a mere excuse to eat fruit-filled, fattening sugary treats here in the Midwest. I had already consumed 6 blueberry and powdered sugar packzis my mother bought me last week; and I was left wondering exactly which Tuesday it was that I was supposed to be celebrating with these seasonal fancy doughnuts... last Thursday. I couldn't remember which day was officially "fat," but I sure felt fat every day that I ate one of these delicious pastries.

I had a comical day on the job. I dressed to impress; wearing my new pants, shoes, and cardigan, only to find that half the staff, including the director I am assisting, were out of the office. An hour into the work day, a co-worker, who was in the middle of a big print job for the director, got a call from her son's school to pick him up because he was running a fever. She brought her urgent project to my desk, and asked me to complete it for her. I was fairly excited to be her "pinch hitter," considering she is the least outgoing in the office. I'm assuming this is because she's busy pinch-hitting for everyone else. My task was to customize and print about 50 award certificates for an educational program the director is conducting in the local schools. Easy enough.

Or not.

I had never in my life worked with this type of printer, and somehow I managed to immediately find the paper tray to load the card stock I needed to use. I was feeling pretty confident. I marched back to my desk, hit the print button, and gleefully awaited the emergence of my first completed color certificate from the printer. But, suddenly, there were very strange noises travelling across the office...

Paper jam.

The only other co-worker in the office was very busy. She handles a monumentous amount of work daily, but she also had payroll to complete today. I did not want to bother her... but I could not let the ball drop simply because I was too shy and embarrassed to ask for help. I was praying that my running joke with the maintenance man, "Everything is broken. EVERYTHING," hadn't become my reality today. I opened every openable compartment. Pulled out a piece of mangled card stock, and quietly returned to my desk to resume printing.

Paper jam (still).

Are you flippin' kidding me?

I was forced to ask Danielle to assist me. And after we wrassled paper, pushed every button, open and closed trays, powered down, and powered up the printer... and tried to print two more times; she concluded that the weight of the paper made it necessary to load in another tray. She was actually quite kind about the situation, and declared her own detest for the printer, which I forgot to mention sits upon a tall filing cabinet, making it necessary for me to stand on my tip-toes just to read the display. After the printer problem was solved, finishing the project, my first pinch hit, was an out of the park home run. Done. Yes. Thank you.

Next task: rewriting my public appointment calendar. This is my first time working with Microsoft Outlook, the program we use to track our working calendars... a critical need, considering my in and out of office hours vary according to which project I am working on, and I'm part-time. I thought I completed this task Friday. In fact, I was very proud of myself for figuring out how to not only schedule my regular hours and appointments, but also recurring appointments. I was feeling s-m-a-r-t. Too bad I clicked the wrong button. I made a schedule alright, but it was only for my own eyes to see, on my own computer. Not feeling so smart now.

The next thing on my growing longer by the minute to do list, was sending a fax to a local high school principal. Fair enough. I can do this. Danielle was working feverishly, while speaking with the CEO, as the fax machine started screaming, "You MUST dial a one when calling this number," over and over. WHERE IS THE CANCEL BUTTON!!!! My eyes were racing across the machine front, couldn't I please find this damn cancel button before I have to DIE from embarrassment?!

"Do you need some help over there, Mona?" Danielle asked in a sympathetic tone.

"No. (Laughing) I finally found the cancel button." I replied. There is a certain area code in this state that some jackass decided would randomly require dialing a "1." Everytime I have tried to guess "to dial, or not to dial," I have been wrong. My previous job required a lot of dialing to this particular area code, so I grew to expect the frustration... I just don't particularly enjoy it.

Carol had also asked me to contact a publishing company again to write up another quote for a potential pamphlet order. This is very time sensitive because the pricing deal ends on Friday, and the project runs full-force in March. Carol was out of the office today. It's imperative that I complete any and all projects thrown my way if I'm going to successfully negotiate a permanent position in April, when my temporary assignment ends. This is why I'm feeling so much pressure! Not only is this the first job I've managed to land in 10 months, the pay, and the people are great, and it's a non-profit organization. My dream job. If I'm going to make this dream come true... I've got to shine, not make the printer jam and the fax machine scream! Unfortunately, the representative we have been working with did not respond to my email or voice mail while I was in the office.

A few other snafus I forgot to mention... sending out a mass email in Outlook, only to discover it uses semi-colons, not commas to seperate email addresses. Also, I incorrectly transferred a call to the CEO. It rang her desk, then went on hold. Danielle had to help me with that too. I also spent the majority of my day with my own phone set to forward calls to voice mail. Luckily, I only had one in office call, so I was only embarrassed by this one time.

In my defense, there has beenabsolutely no training provided, and the staff, including the CEO, make sincere light of this fact and have shared their own stories of office equipment bloopers. In fact, the two directors both confess to being unable to properly transfer calls, so I shouldn't feel that intellectually incompetent. But as I said, the pressure is immense for me, because not only do I want to keep this job, I NEED to keep this job. I literally can't afford to go another ten months without work. I'm not feeling this heat from anyone at work. It's my own private hell. The one I've resided in alone these past ten months. I've decided to put my faith into this position becoming permanent, and scale back my job search until my end of assignment April assessment with the organization. I don't expect to be offered full-time, but if I could convince them to allow me even 20 hours a week, I could survive until a permanent full-time opportunity with them arose. Considering the permanent part-time worker is not returning from her leave, there should be a legitimate opportunity for a permanent position.

My day concluded with an over-the-phone interview for an upcoming community project. The woman I was interviewing was "having one of those days too," so we shared a laugh about it. Completing an interview gave me a true feeling of success. One of my tasks is to help them reach their 100 interviews goal. They had 40 when I started, and today's interview was my second, so there are 58 more to go. I'd love to be able to finish all 58... again, to prove my worth, but I'm not so sure that is a real possibility, considering a new task gets brought to my desk a couple times a day.

So... to celebrate making it out of the office without a fatal paper cut, critical missed call, or destroying an expensive printer, I decided to pick up more packzis when I stopped at the grocery store on the way home. This time, cherry-filled and glazed. I was obligated to celebrate "Fat Tuesday," wasn't I? Okay... so maybe I was just seeking comfort from some tasty doughnuts. But, I enjoyed my "celebration," twice. Before, and after, a very satisfying nap.

On the Table...

That's where my breakfast was today, instead of my lap! I also forced myself to work out, despite getting a minute amount of sleep. I'm not sure that it's normal to yawn throughout your entire aerobic workout, but I did, and I've never been sure that I am "normal."

I'm off to work. This morning will be my first day reporting to duty with a completed project for the director. It wasn't very complicated, but being able to produce something tangible gets me one small step closer to proving I'm an asset to the organization, and negotiating my worth. So far, this job seems like the right fit for me... I just need to convince them to keep me on board between now and April. I haven't worked a part-time job in years, and never have worked a temporary position, but easing back into the "Land of the Working People" seems a much smoother transition from "Nothingville."

It will be a short day. Three hours to perform, and then I'm off to craft dirt in the ceramic studio. I've got three finished pieces that will be waiting for me to judge their beauty, or lack of! My grandmother already placed an "order" for one of my plates, offering to pay for my time and materials... but I'm thinking she deserves a freebee.

Off to the hairdryer with me...