Soapbox Confessions

I think to say you have "grown up" you must learn the art of forgiveness. I know most people expect you to grow up by your mid-twenties... but, hey, we're all different; and some of us really seem to like doing things the hard way.


I'm happy to say, that at the "young" age of 35... I truly started growing up. When we let the pain of the past wrongs, or the embarrassment of past mistakes control our minds, we prevent ourselves from living life in the present, let alone having any hopes for happiness in the future. Unfortunately, although time stands still in our hearts and minds... we still physically grow old. Bullshit, I say!

Anyway... I've had the pleasure of running into several people I hadn't seen in over 15 years, in the past several months... people that may have not seen me at my best. And how could they have? I was an emotional mess when I was young! And after talking with a few of them, most of us were! I might be turning into a "super sap" in my old age... but there is something truly beautiful, and liberating, about forgiving people for simply being human.


If you were to have asked me, even five years ago, if I would ever consider opening the lines of communication with my very absent father... I would have said "hell no!" and maybe even told you to kiss my ass! But somewhere along my journey through this crazy little thing called "life," I realized that every single one of us has had some sort of struggle, hardship, tragedy, or emotionally devastating event occur in our lives. I realized that maybe my dad wasn't a dad because he literally couldn't be one... maybe he didn't know how. I'm not going to say that his lack of involvement in my life didn't hurt me, and I'm not going to say that exchanging a dozen or so emails with him magically erases any past wrongs or regrets. What I will say, is that just about anyone will tell you that life didn't quite go the way they planned it to... and I don't believe that anyone intentionally makes bad choices. They do what they know... and do what they can.



Does this make it right? Of course not. But if we spend our lives keeping score of who was "right" and who was "wrong," who was "good" and who was "bad," we immediately slam the door of opportunity... the opportunity to love and to learn from other people. The opportunity to forgive. The opportunity to have peace and forgiveness; true happiness in our lives.



Yesterday does not matter! We cannot change the past. We can't change the things we wished we wouldn't have done or said, anymore than those who have hurt us can. But what we can do, is accept things for what they were... what they are... and forgive. Most importantly... forgive ourselves.



Of course I wish that things could have been this "easy" when I was younger, but if I hadn't gone through my own hard times, who's to say I would be the person that I am now? And although I do think it's sad that it took me this many years to be able to talk about those "terrible" things that held be back from being truly happy for so many years... I'm very thankful that I can now say, I just plain don't give a shit! I punished myself for things I had no control over, things I didn't do, things I didn't ask for... and if being blatantly in-your-face honest prevents someone from taking the hard, and painful path... or suffering a life in painful silence... I'll risk the gossip... the "oh my God can you believe?"s...



That's me. A peace-love-and-happiness-can't-we-all-just-get-along kinda girl. And if you haven't noticed, I'm not apologizing for that anymore. I'll proudly stand on my soap box and let you make fun of my obnoxious eighties hair, shake your finger in shame about the guy I shouldn't have slept with, or wonder why I didn't "make something of myself" sooner... because I know if you're reading this, you've got a big heart in you, somewhere (smile!)...


Uh-oh! That big fat clown is coming across the stage now with that big, shut-the-fuck-up cane...

(Sigh)

Ahhhhhhhh. My couch. My long lost friend. We are together again!

What a week! It was hell. But a good kind of hell. I not only have a job; I have three... and I had several chances to demonstrate my ability at all of them... hopefully increasing the odds that I will retain employment permanently! Hallelujah!

It's one thing to know that you are capable of performing well, but yet another to actually have the opportunity to do so. I forgot how good it feels to achieve something tangible, to be a part of a team... and get PAID! This week I got to establish important connections, conduct a meeting, edit a press release, collaborate on a project, develop and manage a grid, have a business lunch, establish a marketing strategy, and develop a multiple staff training manual under a very tight deadline. I loved every minute of it!

Next week, I'm giving a presentation at a community wide event. My first solo representation of the non-profit. Yes!

And saving the best for last: I paid off two bills!

My house is a wreck from my chaotic schedule, but I'd say sacrificing a little tidiness for a lot of financial stability is a smart move. I was able to fall asleep more easily and rise more readily the last two days... and once the week of the 30th arrives, I'll have a consistent schedule. Once that starts, I'm sure I will wake as needed without depending on my multiple alarm clocks. I'm getting closer to a "normal" life as each day passes.

Although my journey of unemployment was one of the most difficult I have had to endure, the lessons learned... especially being truly grateful for each and every thing you DO have... have made me a stronger, and better person.

My unsolicited advice to those still immersed in the fiery flames of unemployment hell: don't give up. Ever.

Survival Tips...

Just a quick post to pass on some potentially helpful information to you readers in the hopes that someone, anyone, survives this devastating economy without losing everything they own!

A not-so-well-known, but very helpful job posting site:

http://www.indeed.com/

And a soon-to-be-well-known shared housing site:

http://www.nationalsharedhousing.org/index.html

Good Deed #13: Resume Service

It's Sunday. MY day. Day of rest. Day of cleaning. Day of eating and watching stupid movies on Lifetime... whatever I want it to be. I settled into my pile of life-saving throw blankets on the couch, and got ready to lazily decide what to do with my day, when I opened my email.

Last night, my brother and I were talking on the phone, and before we hung up, he had mentioned that he was trying to get his resume in order. He joined the ranks of the unemployed about eight weeks ago. Having played the "Resumes in Space" game as an unemployed person for the past ten months, I am very familiar with how daunting the task of writing a resume, and customizing it for every job you apply for can be. Knowing how unbelievably competitive it is here for any type of work, I didn't want my brother to lose the job race because of a bad resume.

"If you need any help with your resume, I'd be happy to do whatever I can. At this point, I'd consider myself a semi-professional resume writer!"

I didn't think he'd take me up on it, but sure enough, there was his resume in my email box, just waiting for my examination. My brother has a Ph.D! Unfortunately, his credentials are most suited to the auto-industry... which we all know is breaking down bolt by bolt every day. Some alternative careers he is considering are professorship, and solar energy design and production. But these days, us unemployed people are prepared to stock lipstick at Walgreen's to avoid homelessness... regardless of the magnitude of our education or work experience.

My last class at the university was "Practical Writing." We wrote press releases, professional letters and memos, business brochures, instruction manuals, and you guessed it, resumes. At first I thought the class would be a tedious bore, but the skills mastered have been rather advantageous. Learning the tricks, and silly unwritten rules of resume writing, like which buzzwords are "out," sure comes in handy when you are out of work and competing against thousands of people for lipstick stocking jobs at Walgreen's.

My brother's resume was awful! The information itself, was of course, impressive, but the format was not going to get him where he wants to be. I tried to just look at it, and then spend the day watching garbage on T.V. and eating garbage... but I just couldn't! So there I was... fixing my brother's resume, before I had even combed my hair or finished my coffee. I forwarded the revised version in a more appealing and appropriate format, with an email containing the "secrets" to successful resume writing.

Resumes are always critical to getting the job you want... but these days, many of us are simply trying to get the job we need! Now that technology has robbed us of being able to make an in-person impression, it is critical that your resume is free of errors, and in a format that stands out but is still appropriate. If you use resources at the library, or on the internet, make sure they are current. The resume game is ever-changing. There are actually trends in resume wording and format. If you can't afford a professional service (they are pricey!), at least find a few friends to review your resume, and maybe even find one that has experience in resume writing. And if you do actually have the opportunity to send a "hard copy" of your resume, don't forget that you have to have it on the fancy-shmancy paper. Don't get crazy and buy some pink and blue polka dotted stuff! Keep it simple, and professional, and make sure your envelope matches! Yes, this stuff is expensive... but it's tax deductible, so keep track of your job hunting expenses!

Poll Position

As usual, my poll passion dwindled as the days awaiting my reader responses crept along. Either I don't have many readers, or you shy people don't like answering polls! I'd love to believe that latter, but I'm okay with my own reality... really.





Anyhow...





Let's talk about the polls and my position on the results.



We'll start with "What Do You Want Most in 2009," with a whopping two responses. It was a tie between "a job" and "love." I want the job, and I think I know who wants "love." I'd say either response is an honorable one, and if I did, in fact, have a job, a permanent, pay-check producing job... I may have chosen "love" as well. A funny little thing, this thing called "love." This past nine months has been the first time in my adult life that I have had all of the time in the world for it, love, and just about zero desire to seek it! Maybe I'm taking this survival thing to the extreme, maybe I haven't yet decided that I'm ready for it, and maybe I haven't found the one... but one thing is for sure: I still really want that job! And sadly... I know that I am one of hundreds of thousands that feel this exact same way. I want to be able to bring something to the table in a relationship, other than an empty wallet and stomach! And let's face it, love don't pay the bills!



And now... "Where Do You Most Often Eat Your Meals?" 3 responded (myself included) "on the couch," and 1 "at the dining room table." Hardly a large enough pool to provide a truly scientific argument... but, I feel an adequate representation of our eating habits today. Since my first acknowlegment of my own failure to make proper use of my DINING room table, I confess to only sitting at it about three times to eat. Something about sitting at a table with three empty chairs and eating a meal alone reduces the enjoyability of it. I have tried to sit there, simply enjoying a nice hot meal, alone, but I can't help but feel a nagging need to be doing "something else." Doing "something else," like searching for jobs on the internet, checking emails, or reading through research seems inappropriate at the table, and somehow very acceptable on the couch. I'm very aware of my own need to intently focus on the simple pleasures of life, therefore allowing yourself the true enjoyment of them... but I just can't seem to declutter my mind long enough to savor each grain of my oatmeal, or each sweet sip of my "freshly-squeezed," but sat in a cardboard container on a grocery store shelf for three days, orange juice. Even when my Mother and I had dinner here the other night, I refused the grace of my dining room table, this time appeasing her desire to watch T.V. up close and personal.

Eating at the table together is something I think is very UNDER-rated for parents and children. Sharing breakfast, or dinner, at least a few times a week, strengthens the bond of family, and implies a feeling a love and togetherness that every child needs. I can say this, because it is something I longed for. Even television families have ceased to eat at the table together, and look how "filthy" T.V. has become! I'm not saying eating meals at the table together will save the world, but if I even have a temporary visitor, I'm going to cherish that time at the table together.

High as a Kite!

It's very possible that I'm high on paint fumes right now, but I can't deny that some damn good things are happening in my life right now. Thank God! I've always managed to stumble, and sometimes fall, through whatever life throws at me... but I have to admit that I was becoming rather doubtful that I would make it. The anxiety of bills hanging over my head and no job in sight was really beginning to drive me mad. I was actually very close to seeking medical attention because my heart was beginning to do the flip-floppy thing again and my chest pains were returning. However, I hate pharmaceuticals, and am a firm believer that a balanced life is a healthy one. I'm glad I haven't been forced to take that route.

I have had the most beautiful day. Spent a solid 8 hours on the remodel site. I finished the second coat of paint on the front bedroom walls, spackled cracks and nail holes, took some doors down, removed hardware and spruced it up with some dark bronze spray paint, and began painting the second bedroom. It feels so good to work.

Cutting my health insurance out of the budget has been my great debate as of late. It's $94 a month, which in my current world is a LOT of money. Cancelling it would take a slight weight off of my shoulders, but I fear if I do, I'll find myself in need of it. The potential need of it became apparent today, when I thought it would be fun to almost fall off of the ladder while no one else was on the job site and my cell phone was across the room on a window sill. I was on the top rung and would have landed on a wood floor. "Maybe I should hang on to my health insurance a little longer," I thought.

Fast forward two hours. Yet another almost-but-not-quite fall from the ladder. Done. I'm keeping my health insurance. I get the message! What does that have to do with having a great day? I didn't fall!

My co-worker Todd's mom stopped by. She's got a great eye for design, and I respect her opinion. She loves the tile and paint colors that I picked out. Thank you, Jesus! She's a tough one to please, so if she likes it, it has to be great.

Next visitor... the old tenant. The unit was previously rented by an African American twenty-something single mom who is genuine, kind, and respectable with a teenage son that actually has manners! She said she saw my car and just had to see what I was doing. "It's beautiful!" she said. "I wish it looked like this when I lived here!"

"You could move back in!" I said with a smile. "I know she'd love to have you back."

Her son needed a little more room to roam and she wanted to have a yard. Otherwise, I'm sure she'd come right back! We chit-chatted for a minute and I asked her if she needed any help with her new place. She's going to get in touch with me to remodel her bathroom and refer me to her aunt!

"I'll be fair with the costs. I'd like to do this for you, I think you're great." I said.

"I think you're great. And I know your work." She kindly declared.

Wow. What a moment for me. You know how some people just have this air of goodness about them? Well this woman is one of those people. I just adore her, despite hardly knowing her. Of course I'm happy to know that someone else likes my work and may potentially employ me, but what makes me even more thrilled, is the thought of doing something nice for her, and maybe even becoming friends. You can never have enough kind people in your life!

After I got home, the work really began! I had to take a shower, find something to cook for my one and only hot meal of the day, catch up on my bills, check emails, wash my work clothes and my very smelly work shoes. I realize it's disgusting to think that a woman could have smelly shoes, but I'm just "keepin' it real" here folks. I've had this pair of tennis shoes for years, and rarely wore them. In fact, they only became my work shoes because I got an upgraded pair for a gift. I don't know what it is about these shoes, but they stink! I've peered inside (with my nose plugged) to see if there was a decomposing critter body in them... and found nothing. I would have just let them fester, but I got a few whiffs while I was painting, and I didn't enjoy them. Out of respect for other's and an attempt to hold onto my femininity... I gave them a good washin' too.

When I sat down at my cluttered desk in the office after my shower, I had to sift through a disastrous pile of papers. I was out of town for the holidays, and confess to being a touch lazy as well. This created quite a backlog of business and junk mail on my desk. In fact, I had even lost sight of my bank account balance. While telephoning into the automated banking system, and checking off which checks had cleared, I almost shit my pants! For a brief moment, I thought my account was going to be overdrawn by $170! Holy almost-shit! Thankfully, I was wrong, and after paying my car insurance, I have a whopping $8 to last me seven days. Sigh.

My lunch/dinner tonight was "Cheesy Chicken Enchilada" Hamburger Helper, minus the milk. I'm out. Well, I have some in my refrigerator, but it's a tad chunky, and I'm just going to trust that it smells too. Why is it still there? You ask. I have no frickin' clue. I never think about my disgusting jug of expired milk until I'm sitting on the couch, bundled up in throw blankets to keep warm. I'd get up right now to dump it, but I'd rather gross you out and tell you all about my smelly shoes and chunky milk. Alright. I'm getting up right now, I swear!

SICK! Have you ever stuck your hand in a bowl of cottage cheese? That's what it felt like when I had to reach into the garbage disposal to retrieve the plastic ring that fell off the jug, AFTER most of the putrid chunks plopped down into it. I feel violated.

Anyway...

Once I finished my duties, I sat down with the computer and checked my emails. I received an email asking me attend a January 26th meeting for volunteering with the local Substance Abuse Council. Perfect! I had planned on finding a volunteering gig. Receiving the email allowed me to get that started without even getting off my ass!

When I got onto my blog, while still on my ass, I saw that I had a comment on my last post. A comment?! I LOVE comments! When I read it, I was enthralled with the eloquence of it. Something about it seemed warmly familiar, although being anonymous, I have no way of knowing if my "gut" knew who it was. Regardless, it was a sweet message, and a nice little present to add to my already lovely day. So thank you, to whomever wrote it, and thank you also, to my other readers. Your support is a great gift to me. There were times when this crazy blog was all I had to hold onto! Thank you, readers, for adding more wonderful to my wonderful day!

(The pictures are from the place I'm working on... the "befores." I seriously can't wait to get back there tomorrow and coax that old place back into beautiful again.)

p.s. My spellcheck function isn't functioning again, so please kindly excuse any spelling errors!

Happy New Year!!!

I'll be heading into the wilderness in the morning to celebrate New Year's with my family. Granny will be turning 87!!! Yowza!

I'm hoping to get some great photos and maybe even score some driftwood. At the very least, I'll be enjoying some time with my dad's side of the family. Some 15 of us stuffed into a rustic cabin in the forest...

Have a Happy New Year one and all!

Blog atchya in a couple days!

This is Your Brain on Unemployment...

I thought I would stick to this morning's apparent theme, and share a photograph of my brain on unemployment. Okay, so it's really my breakfast, but it serves a dual purpose today. My brain, the egg, as you can see, has been broken apart, and partially demolished. However, the toast, my future, let's say, remains untouched... yet very near my mangled brain. I've literally chosen to consume my brain, rather than taste my future.

Yes, I have problems.

Anyway... I've decided to remain awake for as long as I can today. I've managed to get in a 30 minute workout. I think it is my first one for the entire month of December. Unfortunately, I do not have a "Big Brother" type surveillance system installed in my house, so you are unable to laugh uncontrollably when I attempt aerobic exercise. My 20 pound fluff-ball Maine Coon cat rather enjoys it when his "mommy" goes crazy and runs around the house. To add resistance, I toss him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, as I walk, or jog, in circles, through the living room, kitchen, and dining room. All the while, he purrs and squeals. Apparently, it wore him out, because he's currently sleeping in the slumped couch cushion that has become concave from his mild obesity.

After my feline-friendly workout, I started making breakfast, and attempted to break through the auto-mated unemployment system on the phone. When my misfortune first began, eight months ago, I could get right through. Today, it took at least twenty tries, and 45 minutes to connect successfully! I began a slight freak-out, wondering if I would connect before my 9 a.m. cutoff time. If that were the case, I would have had to wait until Thursday to call, and Monday to receive my check... potentially making my house payment late. They assign call times according to the last two digits of your social security number. Is my group growing too large for the allotted hour? There is a definite correlation between the increase in unemployment and the ability to access the system. I sense a total collapse, or, at least, reorganization of the system in the future.

While in the kitchen, my Northern male Hairy Woodpecker had settled onto the suet feeder for his own breakfast. I tried, once again, to snap a photo of him, but he flew off. Next comes the seemingly chubby Blue Jay. He escapes without a photograph as well! What is it with these birds? Don't they not know how desperately I need something to do? They must have quite keen eyesight, as they instantly detect my camera-wielding presence on the other side of the window.

That reminds me of a funny tale...

I was on the phone with my friend, Tonya, on the afternoon of the 23rd. I was telling her how I hadn't seen the birds at the feeder lately, and that the damn things won't let me take their picture.

"Mona. Birds fly south for the winter!"

Hilarious! She really didn't know that some species of birds remain local for the winter season. Not surprising, coming from her. She's not much of a nature girl. In fact, the only thing "natural" about her is... is... umm... her desire to eat? Huh. Complete loss, I am at one. It makes me wonder if she is truly that oblivious to anything that doesn't involve cell phones and shopping. As I explained to her that birds, such as my Woodpeckers, Blue Jays, and Cardinals, will remain local as long as there is a constant food source, she replied, "You really need to write a book."

Sure. About birds?


An interesting fact I learned Saturday night, while playing "Malarkey" with some professional bullshitter friends of mine: Woodpeckers do not get headaches from all that pecking because their beaks are not attached to their skulls. Now if any of you win money on "Jeopardy" because you learned this from reading my blog... I will demand 20% of your total winnings.

Today, I made a conscious choice. The choice to be civilized and eat my breakfast at my rarely-used dining room table. I'm not going to lie... I initially headed right for the couch, but the coffee table is a little cluttered from yesterday's lazy-fest. It was when I looked at the stack of Christmas cookie containers, and pair of empty Diet Coke cans, that my brain suggested I sit at the table.

Does anyone sit at the dining table to dine anymore?

My old boss at an electronics retailer decided that families not sitting at the dinner table anymore had contributed to our society's decline. I tend to believe that a bit. Growing up, we rarely sat at a table to eat. My mother even bought a fancy-shmancy oak dining set when the house had been remodelled, and I think we ate at it twice. (Look how I turned out!) The table now only serves as a support system for a bunch of dusty junk, and is unlikely to be used, as intended, ever again. I, on the other hand, have a dining room table that is meal-friendly. It is clean, and clutter free, yet, for some reason, when I eat, I mindlessly head for the couch, and my rump frumps into the cushion.

I'm actually so interested to know if people sit at their tables anymore, that I am going to post a poll... Let me know, HONESTLY, where you consume your meals most often.

Wanted: RYAN from MySpace!!!

So I had made a nice new friend on MySpace. He had told me he was leaving MySpace and left his email address in the last email he sent to me. Little did I know that when he deleted his account, everything VANISHED!!!! I hadn't written it down!!!!



So... on a wing and a prayer... I'm hoping that RYAN reads this blog, and sends me an email through this page!!!!



RYAN if you are out there... please send me a message or a comment so we can stay in touch!

Grab a Shovel

My blog is busted! For some reason I cannot get the spellcheck or photo feature to work properly. This leaves me at risk for serious mispelled boredom! If I were some kind of computer whiz, I'd have it all figured out. I might even have a job too!

I caught an episode of the show "Secret Millionaire" tonight. Wow! It's about millionaires who pose as less fortunate people, and then decide who to give money to. I got all teary-eyed watching this semi-selfish man transform into a compassionate do-gooder.

I have only wanted wealth in my own life for one reason: to help others. The truth is, we don't have to wait until that someday comes. We all have many gifts to give. Right here. Right now. It's been almost a year since my last stint volunteering, and I miss it. Not only does helping another person feel great, it reminds you of your own abundance. Being of service allows you to see how much you truly have and forget the meaningless things you longed for.

I could kick myself in the ass for not getting back on the volunteer scene sooner, but I'm currently sitting on it. A few weeks ago, I posted a profile on a volunteer site and requested a volunteer form for a local agency... but it is still on my desk with many blanks to fill. So my goal now is to get a volunteer gig going no later than the end of the first week of the new year!

Volunteers have always been a critical resource within a community, but now, more than ever, volunteers may be the only hope our state (and country) has to sustain itself. Michigan's unemployment rate is skyrocketing daily, and the state had to borrow money from the federal government to fund unemployment benefit payments. This means Michigan is even more broke, and more cuts will take place. Just where those cuts will be is yet to be determined, but one possibility is a cut to unemployment benefits.

The big picture ain't pretty kids.

The reality is that if we all don't grab a shovel and help dig us out of this tragic hole, we might as well skip the trip to the grocery store and start swallowing dirt. People have been hurting for years, and the employed are becoming a minority. People need food, clothing, and shelter. Jobs. Health care. A kind ear. Compassion. Time. Most of these can easily be found in abundance in our own homes (excluding jobs and health care, of course). Hell, I don't have much financially, and I've got some clothes to donate, and definitely some time!

So let me pose a challenge to you: get out there and do something! One hour. One coat. One can of beets. One bag of pet food. Make the difference that is so desperately needed. You... that's all we need.

Dreams

I just wanted to write a quick note to all of you lovely people.

In twelve hours I will be attending my FIRST college graduation... at the age of 37. I started college at 18! However, a lot of life, and a little silliness interrupted my coursework through the years, so my four year plan turned into an eighteen year plan.

No matter what life threw at me, I had always wanted to finish, and I NEVER thought this day would come. But here it is, and I'm finally feeling like I've done something. I have fulfilled a dream.

My message: never give up, and never forget. Things may not go the way you have planned them to, but you may always pick up where you left off. Sometimes I think we live in a world full of distractions... always pulling us in so many different directions that we easily forget which path we were on. Don't forget to honor who YOU are and what YOU truly want to do with your life. We only get one chance.

Thank you for your friendship and support.

What the Bloody Hell is Wrong With People?

Never in my life have I deemed the extra 15% discount or free pair of socks worth the uncontrolled cart-ramming chaos of shopping on "Black Friday." It's fucking insane! PEOPLE are insane. There just isn't much else that needs to be said.

Please refer to the following articles for concrete evidence supporting my statement:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/29/business/29walmart.html?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/11/28/socal-toys-r-us-shooting_n_147032.html

What the bloody hell is wrong with people? Jesus, if that's what people will do to get a deal on a damn HD t.v., we are all in big trouble when this looming depression really hits! We will need body armor and Uzis just to survive the government cheese line...

Who takes loaded guns to a toy store?

How much did the poor Wal-Mart guy get paid an hour? And did no one notice a body under their feet?

Beyond tragic... inexcusable, unexplainable, senseless, idiotic, disgusting...

Have or Have Not; Happy Thanksgiving!

With all of the stress and uncertainty of the world and economy, it's tempting to lose sight of what Thanksgiving is all about. I'll admit to getting caught up in the fact that I did not have a dutch oven as I was trying to efficiently cook 6 pounds of sweet potatoes. As the sweet potato peels flew about in the sink, and I started my second batch of boiling potatoes, knowing there would be yet a third, I privately pondered why the hell I was doing all of that work. I recalled having a dutch oven when I lived in Kalamazoo. What the hell happened to it? Why did I pick the "pain in the ass" recipe? Why don't I have a great job so I can easily afford a dutch oven? TWO dutch ovens! I had three pounds of carrots to cook as well!

After finally finishing my tedious apple peeling, coring, and dicing for the 6 pounds of peeled, cooked, sliced, and mashed sweet potatoes... I looked around my kitchen. It was a mess! Spices, brown sugar, sauce pans, strainers, apple peels, potato peels, baking dishes, and butter cluttered the counter. As the delicious aroma of my "pain in the ass" potatoes filled the room, I realized how well worth the effort my dutch oven-less cooking was.

Life isn't about what we don't have. Thanksgiving isn't about what we don't have. Life is lived best when we make the most of what we do have. I did have the money to buy the sweet potatoes, apples, and carrots. I did have a large saucepan to cook the multiple batches in. I did have gas service to my stove. I had a stove. A kitchen. A house. A roof. And I have a wonderful family; a family worth every bit of frustration I may have temporarily endured to prepare my offerings for the Thanksgiving table.

Even when we have less than others, we still have more than most. Let us all be grateful for our food, shelter, family, and friends. Those simple things that we often take for granted. Let us all truly listen, laugh and love. And let us keep these "simple" things top of mind, not just today, but everyday. Maybe even think about those around us that do have less. Those who could care less about having a damn dutch oven, and would really appreciate just a sandwich to make it through another day.

I will now give thanks for each of you lovely people. Enjoy a warm and memorable meal with you and yours. Happy Thanksgiving!

The "Busy" Signal!

I'm still at a non-stop pace, despite my technically "unemployed" status! My remodel project will require me to return tomorrow. Oh, how I had hoped to not be working on anything but fixing delicious things to eat on Thanksgiving Day!

I spent the day cleaning a very beautiful home. My friend Todd's mother offered me the opportunity. Pat has been such a wonderful help during my unemployment. Very supportive and genuinely concerned that I am able to make ends meet. I am very fortunate to have both of them on my side through this difficult time.

My mother left this morning to spend Thanksgiving with her mother, my favorite grandmother, in California. I would have loved to have gone, but I do not have any money for airfare. My grandmother's birthday is on Thanksgiving, and my grandfather's a few days after. Mom's visit is a surprise, and I wish I could see the look on my grandma's face when she sees my mother at the door. I know she is going to cry! My grandparents are such sweet and loving people. Both have been in and out of the hospital over the last year, and are in their 80's. Visiting them is near the top of my priority list as soon as I am back on steady financial ground. I don't want the next time I see my grandmother to be at her funeral. The thought of that possibility just destroys me inside.

While mother is away, I am dog-sitting her three beasties for the week. The client I've been remodelling for, has asked me to also touch up the paint throughout the entire town home. Secretly, I am beyond sick of painting, but, the bills need to be paid, and I may need to rely on opportunities like this in the future, so I have to suck it up.

Of course, now that I have too much on my pre-Thanksgiving plate, people are coming to town, boys and friends are calling, and I am just too busy! I've fantasized about a busy signal playing when anyone calls, comes to the door, or tries to contact me in any other way. It gets exhausting explaining why you are unavailable... and I really don't have time to! I swear, I could sit around the house for a week, wishing there were something to do, and not a soul would call. As soon as I have more than enough going on... everybody wants to do something! Maybe that's just life.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. As difficult as things have been for me this past seven months, I definitely have a lot to be thankful for. And if for some reason I miss a post the next couple days...

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING ONE AND ALL!!!

Epiphany! (#3,402)

I'm naughty. Up past my bedtime. Guilty. Grounded! However, during my dishonorable attempt at sleeping... a stroke of genius brushed across my empty canvas of a brain.

AH-HA!

I've got it. I've finally got the gist of my first book. The basic subject matter has been the front-runner for years, but the approach had escaped me until about 14 minutes ago.

Having an unruly, untamed, and unfulfilled mind, such as mine, requires one to leap out of bed and begin processing these random and uncontrolled thoughts. Otherwise, I'll be left to toss and turn while they twist about throughout my cerebral cortex.

And since I have purged myself of them, I will now leave you, my dear friendly readers, to be tortured by the wonder of what it is this mad, mad, mind of mine is up to...

Sleep tight!

Congratulations, Readers!

Mona Lake readers accurately predicted the winner of the 2008 presidential election! In a mere 5 votes! (wink)

Thank you for your continued support, and to all of the Americans that voted!

Election Eve

Good morning, readers! Are you all ready to vote? Ready for this campaigning to end? Let's get out to those polls and put a new face and new hope into the White House! I don't believe either candidate will be able to undo the wrongs of the last eight years, but I don't feel things can get much worse. Positive change MUST be on the horizon! So please, get out there tomorrow, and let your voice be heard by VOTING! NO EXCUSES! The government has been making excuses for years now... look how well that worked.

The first day of my "schedule" isn't going exactly as planned, but I am off to a good start. I've already had breakfast, read my emails, searched for jobs, and phoned into unemployment. It's nice to have my eyes open and feel awake so early in the morning. The sun is out. My spirits are up...

A great job is on the way! Right?

Dear God, It's Me, Mona.

Found a job posting tonight, and it would be a perfect fit! Not only that, the pay would be at least what I WAS making, and could be up to $8,000 more!!!!!! So, I'm going to do some serious praying tonight! Perhaps, non-stop until I get a call! I've applied for hundreds of jobs. Most of which I wouldn't actually love, but I've applied for due to the desperation of my situation and the state of the economy. To find a job that would utilize my strengths, and be something that I have done in the past successfully... that also pays me a decent salary... now that would be a true blessing.

So, my dear readers, if you read this post, please say a prayer or two for me! I'm off to have a discussion with the man upstairs!

Beyond the Door...

I sent my last message to my father nine days ago... there's been no response as of yet. Is this proverbial door still open? Has he closed it? Has he sought out security and solace behind it?
I have no idea if my father has a computer at home. No clue as to whether he has Internet access, or takes trips to the library or a friend's to check his email. What I'm dying to know is if he read my last message.

If you recall, our last exchange involved him bringing up the subject of my childhood. And I feel I handled that very tactfully. I was careful to not offer too much detail to prevent him from feeling guilty or responsible for what he cannot change. I didn't want him to dwell on whatever feelings he may have towards his absence in my life. I've let that go. If he chooses to discuss it, I will entertain that discussion, but rehashing or living in that dusty old past does not interest me... it is not my motivation for allowing this door to be pried open.

But with Martha's recent passing, and feelings of loss for Pam still pulsing through my heart... my belief that knowing my father in whatever way this life allows is important, becomes even stronger.

We don't know how much time we have here. Not a single one of us. We never know what conversations will be our last. We never truly know when we will see someone again... Really telling someone how I feel has never been my strong point, but the importance of doing so has been screaming in my ear for the last week. I don't want my father to die thinking that I hate him, or that he ruined my life. I don't want him to think that I would never understand his choices, or that I would never forgive him. It is for these reasons, that I hope he has not shut this door.

My wish for all of you, my lovelies, is that you take every moment you have to let those around you know how special they are to you. That when you think those kind thoughts, you turn them into kind words. You may never know the impact kind words may have on someone's life, but you might, if you muster up the courage and energy to say them. But what you will know, is that if by tragedy or circumstance, you never have the opportunity to converse with them again... you will have expressed your gratitude for their presence in your life. And with that, I will thank each and every one of you, for being kind enough to share this magical, mysterious, and sometimes, maddening, life... with me.

Stop. Look. And Listen...

An intelligent and lovely friend of mine sent this to me... please watch and definitely listen.



http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=J_KKyw8V-l0