The Aftermath...

It's my first work-week weekend of 2010... and my first official lazy day as a result.

Normally, I take care of my dear Chester on Saturday afternoons, but I did not get a call from his wife to come by. Now that I've done nothing but sleep in and eat breakfast, I do feel as though I should have called her. Sometimes, she forgets.

Considering this decade's first week of work was an absolute nightmare... complete with fear, anxiety, and a very climactic ending; I'm absolutely exhausted. For months, there has been tension at work and the week before Christmas, we found out we were losing a LOT of money... talk of "tough decisions" and "changes" began to fill the days, then culminated with never-ending hush-hush meetings most of us were not invited to.

Thursday one of us got permanently laid off.

Being the "new kid on the block," employed there a short 11 months (after my ten months of unemployment), I had just cause to be very concerned. The organization is small and the staff very close-knit. Surely I worked hard every day and made myself as valuable as possible... but I would have done that no matter what. But was it enough?

Thankfully, I was NOT the one who lost their job, but, it's a bitter pill to swallow. I know very well what it feels like to lose a job! The person who lost their job is one of two that interviewed me for a volunteer position and demanded they hire me. She has also been there 7 years. That is a bitter pill for both of us. It has been difficult for everyone. I was afraid I'd find myself unemployed again, in less than a year, and this time it would be simply too much to bear.

Mom's cancer, the holidays, the "situation" at work... very stressful. Even though the sun is shining and part of me feels I should just take a chance and go on a date tonight, I know my mind is still recovering. I don't think tonight is the right night to make a first impression. Staying home this weekend getting my house clean and personal affairs in order appears to be the better choice.

Last Day of Hibernation

Just as Spring is slowly approaching here... soon to be busied with bees, blossoming flowers, and slow growing blades of green grass; my life is soon to be busied with three jobs.

My "formal interview" on Friday (the 13th no less) consisted of "Nancy gave me the go-ahead to hire you, you start immediately." Huh? What? Whoa! I envisioned a long, somewhat boring, and tedious question and answer session with the typical hidden-motive psychologically analyzed blah-blah babble that most job interviews consist of. Afterwards, an offer presented, followed by me requesting the weekend to think it over. Funny how life never unfolds the way we wish it to.

My first thought after being arm-twisted into a permanent full-time job with excellent benefits and virtually guaranteed advancement opportunities, was "Carole is going to shit her pants!" Carole is the director I have been working most closely with at my part-time job. Project activity for the organization peaks through April, and the intention of them hiring me was to "prevent Carole from going crazy." I love the people I work with there, and I love the work that I do... but I also love financial stability. This is one of those times where I have to do something I'm not well-practiced in... doing what is best for me.

Crap.

Driving home from my interview Friday, I thought I might vomit on my dashboard! My mind was racing with the "what ifs," "what do I says" and "what are they gonna dos." I can't abandon the part-time job without notice. That's not an option for personal and professional reasons. They have been very good to me, and of course the pay is going to be hard to let go off. My new job has agreed to work around my existing commitments with the part-time job for my training, and may, may, if I'm lucky, allow me to work a four ten hour day work week... if so, I'll try to stay on at my part-time job once a week. I'll still sit with Chester on Saturdays. It's only three hours... and I adore them. I couldn't possibly take that joy away from Virginia. That one is an investment in karma.

So three jobs. Three jobs is the plan. In preparation for my intense week ahead... I've decided to hibernate today. My last day of hibernation. I wonder if bears are aware of their last day in the cave... and if they dread the busy days that await them? I'm going to have to learn a new job, new co-worker personalities, new on the way to work traffic patterns, fill out more tax forms... quit my beloved afternoon ceramics, figure out whether or not to still pursue the free tuition and schooling; have a painful discussion with my part-time job and negotiate a way to stay on with them... and hope that I am making the right decisions. I barely had enough time to adjust to the job I have... and now I've thrown another one into the mix.

What I just can't seem to accept yet, nor really celebrate, is the fact that in just a month or so... my financial stress may very well be over. I might actually be able to think about the future, instead of obsessing about how to make the most of $14 in food stamps so I can pay my heat bill. It still hasn't sunk in that I have the part-time job. How can I expect this to sink in?

"For all I know, they could say 'We were just kidding!' when I get to work on Monday morning." I told Virginia and her daughter on Saturday. Not very optimistic, I know, but I'm sure everyone can agree that these are very uncertain times in life. Realistic. I'm being realistic. And doubtful. Skeptical. Whatever non-believing adjectives you choose...

What I can do, is take it easy this last day. The last day of which I am certain about the goings on in my life. If I would have known they were going to throw the job at me on Friday... I might have planned some big to-do... a last hurrah before I jump into a three job, six day work week. It's been over four years since I have taken a vacation, and a solid year since affording one has even been remotely possible. It's going to pay off right?

Back to the "cave" of comforters, snacks, and semi-bad Sunday movies...

Witness Protection Program

Help! I'm not sure that I'm ready for that big, bad world that so quickly forgot about me for the past ten months. A former "people person," I now find mingling amongst masses of homosapiens almost uncomfortable! I feel exposed; vulnerable; like a person in the Witness Protection Program that just got spotted in the produce aisle in Arkansas.


It is in fact a small world after all... but the world inside my house is even smaller. And definitely more predictable... more comfortable... less demanding. However, I failed to find a miraculous way to support my lone existence without leaving the safety of my humble home... and my brain tricked me into believing that if I didn't find a job soon, I would somehow feel unfulfilled...

So here I am... working. Voyaging through the world of the "normal" people, wondering who knows I've lived the life of a sloth for months on end... wondering if unemployment has visibly damaged me; nipped away my sense of value and competence. My "oh my God I have a job!" feelings are becoming lost in this sea of doubt... fear of failure... insecurity.

My world is shrinking all around me! I keep running into people I haven't seen in years, having to rehash my circumstances with each encounter. That I have a job, but it's temporary part-time, that I graduated, but I'm going back to school... I just don't know when... I have to constantly relive the frustrating uncertainty and instability of life in today's economy each time I explain "what's going on." I ran into my high school friend's father this morning, a friend of a guy I dated (but shouldn't have) in my 20's in the hallway at work ... the tenant of an apartment I remodelled is asking me out (I think), my ex that will never be "serious material" is back in town... Nothing truly complicated, but I'm used to just having an occassional conversation with my cat, not trying to explain my 10 months in hell without sounding pessimistic. Shit. Did I just admit that?

Anyway... I love my job. I like the people, I really like the pay... it's a seven minute drive from my house... and it has a purpose. But, it's temporary part-time until the end of April... at which time they may or may not offer me a permanent position, and if they do, it will likely be part-time. If it's the same amount of hours I have now, I can live off of that... and hope for more hours in the future; while still taking my ceramics classes, and returning to school.

NOW... I just got a call for a call-back interview at a new business that is opening in the late summer. There are 1,500 positions available... and already over 20,000 have applied. So this is a BIG DEAL. My interview is tomorrow at 3:30, after a day of work. Not ideal for me, but, at least I don't have enough time to overthink it and start freaking out. I'm already jumping the gun and trying to decide which job is the best fit for me. Rather silly, since I don't have a solid offer of permanent employment from either place. This is what the economy, unemployment, and living on a literal prayer does to your mind... I'm a friggin' mess! I AM already freaking out.

I suppose the good news is that I sprung for some new shoes and a few "businessy" wardrobe items... so at least I won't LOOK like a dishelved, neurotic desperado. And, I suppose that the worst that could happen is that I have a choice in which job to accept. The source of my paranoia, perhaps, is a fear of losing the person I most recently found; sacrificing the joy of truly being who I am, for the much -needed security of a reliable and sustainable income.

To be continued...

Survival Tips...

Just a quick post to pass on some potentially helpful information to you readers in the hopes that someone, anyone, survives this devastating economy without losing everything they own!

A not-so-well-known, but very helpful job posting site:

http://www.indeed.com/

And a soon-to-be-well-known shared housing site:

http://www.nationalsharedhousing.org/index.html

IN!

Well... it looks like I'm "IN." Employed... even if it is only a part-time, temporary position. Despite filling out tax forms, and finding out that I have my own desk... I still can't believe it! And I almost didn't make it to my first day.

I was expecting to have a hard time falling asleep at a "normal" time, considering life has been anything but normal for the last ten months. But, what I wasn't expecting was to awake from my recently attained sleeping state to an absolutely gut-wrenching pain. Panic set in immediately, since I had consumed a product containing peanut butter in the early evening. The thought of having to call in sick to work on my FIRST day, or have to pray I didn't shit my pants in the office was terrifying. The excruciating pains came in waves for the next two hours, completely destroying my intention to be well-rested and energetic on my initial day on the job.
I survived my unexplained discomfort, with minimal incidence, and aside from feeling pain more associated with a serious need to eat, I felt pretty good when I got up. But I didn't get up as early as I had planned, so my tender tummy had to suffer through the day without one crumb of food, and just a cup of coffee. I couldn't have risked showing up late!

My first hour or so was spent filling out the tax forms, so that was my first clue that an actual paycheck might be in my future. Then came the building tour, including the break room, so they must be keeping me around long enough to eat lunch there at least once. Afterward, some storage space was cleared at a part-time employee's desk (who was away on leave) for me to utilize, and a request was placed to get me a key card and organization email account. A desk? Really? That means that I'll be around long enough to need a place to park my rear.

I spent the next couple hours scheduling interviews with community members. While I was making appointments, news came in that the part-time employee on leave was not returning. Sniff. Sniff. I smell opportunity here...

I worked a whopping five hours today, and am returning again tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. for a few hours before my ceramics studio time. Friday I have a couple interviews scheduled, and Saturday afternoon I'll be sitting with Chester. Hardly a busy schedule for you "normal" people, but the first week of my life in almost a year that requires reference to my formerly empty planner!

Everyone I worked with today seemed quite nice, and my tasks are rather interesting... so, I'm still looking for the "catch," but my new career adventure is slowly becoming more of a reality for me. Desperately searching for work for such a lengthy amount of time, in an economy that reports job losses in the thousands on a daily basis, leaves one a little suspicious and almost jaded when a real opportunity to finally stabilize your finances again arises. So for now, I'll just plan on seriously busting my ass in the hopes of creating a permanent opportunity for myself, and perhaps finally ending this less-than-fun adventure in the Land of the Unemployed.

FIRE SALE!

In my quest to survive being jobless and broke in a faltering economy, I have begun hocking my unused belongings on Ebay. Over the past 5 years, I have tried to maintain a minimalist existence, but somehow, a few random things have managed to remain in my possession. Most of them have been sitting in boxes at my mother's house, waiting for someone to want them, and my mother likely waiting for me to find them a new home.

Going through unorganized boxes of "junk" isn't most people's idea of a good time, but, I've found it to be like a fun little treasure hunt! When I had moved back to my mother's temporarily inbetween places a few years ago, I hastily shoved all sorts of things into boxes: old mail, things I wanted to keep, and stuff I didn't want anymore. Considering we are in the age of "identity theft," getting papers with personal information in the right place is rather important, and generating income from things I don't need can only help my quest for survival... so it's worth the effort. And since I'm hoping to land a job from one or both of my upcoming interviews, now is the time to have my very own "fire sale."

My first listings were made last week and will end tomorrow night. I'm happy to report that I just got my first bid on an item... a whopping 99 cents! This particular item does have two "watchers" so I am hoping the auction action heats up over the next 20 hours. Selling things on Ebay is very similar to playing the slots at the casino. You put a little money in, hit a few buttons, and hope for a "jackpot!" What makes it even more exciting is the uncertainty of what items will sell. I have found that the things I didn't expect people to buy landed me the most cash. My most lucrative sale back in 2005 was a "Dukes of Hazard" Colorform set originally purchased at a garage sale in the 80's for 50 cents. It sold on Ebay for $25! Hell of a profit margin!

I'm not expecting to make enough money off of my "junk" on Ebay to live off of, although that would definitely be pretty damn nice! I'm just facing the hard cold fact that in four weeks, I'll be out of cash, and the bills will still be sitting in my mailbox wondering how they will get paid. If you would have asked me how long I thought I could survive being unemployed financially when this whole fiasco began last April... I would have said "a couple months." But, here I am, semi-triumphantly still afloat, some nine months later. Creativity, a good sense of humor, and desperate determination have been the keys to my survival... and fuel my "damned if I'm givin' up now" attitude. For anyone else who is experiencing the "joy" of being unemployed... let me honestly say that if you don't give up, you can and will get through it!

From Purr to Brrr...

Winter here will be one of, if not, THE coldest on record. As the economy falls apart and people lose their jobs, the utility costs have gone up, and the thermometer plummets down. I've managed to survive the chill of my thermostat being kept at 58 degrees by wearing multiple layers of clothing. But, what concerns me, is how well my cats are weathering the winter storms.

My poor black and white kitty, Groucho, is 15 years old, and therefore rather thin. Many a night I have found her shivering close to me and I feel quite guilty knowing that her frail body prevents her from keeping warm. So, in order to provide her comfort and warmth, I now allow her to seek shelter under my blankets. I actually tried to make her a little sweater out of an old sock today, but I wasn't quite sure that she welcomed her new "coat." She came to my lap shivering, and it appeared to be more out of fear than simply being cold, so I removed it.

My big boy, Theo, despite being quite fluffy and a little more "insulated" than my elderly cat, even finds the temperature in here to be a little on the chilly side. I catch him waiting impatiently by the vent for the rations of heat to blow over his fur. The look on his face (in the above photo) combined with the shivering of his "sister" guilted me into turning the heat up four degrees.

Having all of this snow has been rather beautiful, however, week-long bouts with temperatures in single or negative digits have made this winter more of a source of anxiety, than a source of white wonder. More like wondering how you will be able to afford your heating bill!

Creative Math

Today I made a valiant attempt to pay a shit pile of bills with the one turd I've been trying to polish for the last ten months... and let's just say, it didn't go very well. Something had to give...

So, I pondered my options.

Instantly, flashbacks of the onslaught of bailouts and Ponzi schemes flickered through my head. And that's where my solution came from. I think I'm on to something...All of this crazy economic collapse crap is a direct result of "creative math." Virtually every headline has something to do with the irresponsible use of creative math. We've got governors playing "Ebay" with Senate seats, playing "Hide and Go Seek" with unemployment... banks playing "Barbie Dream House" with bailout funds, donkeys and elephants playing "Tug of War" with Monopoly money... leaving us all stuck in a terrible game of "Clue;" so why can't I play "Fraction Subtraction" with my utility bills?

I'm not sure what happens when you only pay a fraction of your utility bills, but I'm sure I'll find out soon. Fact of the matter is, I couldn't afford the entire amount due. And if "everybody else is doing it" why can't I, albeit for honest reasons? If banks, giant corporations, and government officials aren't held accountable for their expenses, then why should that one girl in that one town be? If you compare my potential financial fallout to the forementioned, I'm a taxpayer bargain! I could be bailed out for less than one cent per taxpayer...

Day Two of "Normal" Person Training

Today was yet another day that began at 8 a.m. Hardly incredible, or really worth mentioning to most, but considering there have been many an anxiety-filled, sleepless night, getting UP at 8 a.m., instead of going to sleep, is an accomplishment.



I confess to hitting the snooze alarm. However, my brain, in typical fashion, went right into "spazz" mode and wouldn't allow for indulgent snoozing. I went straight from my bed, to the workout gear, and squeezed a twenty minute weight training session in. For the record, that's my second workout this week. Again, not incredible, but undoing the damage done by months of unemployment hell is going to take some time and patience. Afterwards, I hit the shower, got dressed, grabbed a cup of coffee and went out the door.



My 10:00 a.m. appointment with the local college was today. I haven't been on that campus in about 12 years. I had no idea where I was going, or who I was supposed to see. As soon as I pulled in the drive, I was instantly reminded of the horrors of parking during snowfall on campus. What a serious pain in the ass, and a blatant testament to spatial ignorance! It seems that when it snows, people forget how to park in a neat and orderly fashion. Apparently, their vehicles must be made of some type of highly absorbent material, because they feel it necessary to park four feet away from the vehicles on their left and right. Ahhh. The very SOUR memories of campus life.



Thankfully, my brain still has some memory left, and they have not changed the location of the Student Services office. I found my destination right away. As impressive as that is, to me at least, the rest of my visit left a lot to be desired. When your financial fate lies in the hands of others, you begin to over-analyze the "others" competency levels. The receptionist (who probably got the job I telephone interviewed for) began asking me if I had done this, that, the other thing, filled out that, applied for this. I was beginning to think that I would be turned away due to a lack of correct information, but somehow, I had managed to have everything necessary to allow my passage into a secret office with the Academic Sorcerer.



My Academic counselor, or whatever the correct title used, magically appeared. I was early, and was able to actually get started early. The expression on the woman's face was reminiscent of someone flexing every muscle in their face and neck to prevent the words "I hate fuckin college kids. I hate this stupid office. My support hose are too damn tight. And if the paper in the copy machine gets jammed one more fuckin time, I'm going to staple your eyelids together," from flying out of her mouth in a cheap-coffee fueled rage. I might be exaggerating, but she surely didn't seem friendly. In fact, she never even introduced herself. Come on! That's exactly how I remember my experiences in the advising offices there some 12 years ago. Feeling like you have just ruined some person's day, who, in theory, is supposed to provide you with support and direction. Let's just say my confidence level of this experience being any different is at an exteme low.



My appointment lasted all of about 6 minutes. 6 minutes. And I'm supposed to believe that it took them 5 weeks to find 6 minutes to get my education program started? Sigh. Red tape is a choking hazard. When it's not actually trying to choke me, I feel like choking myself with it. According to the unknown Academic Wizard, I should get word by Monday regarding what happens next.



Afterwards, I headed to the grocery store for a desperately needed trip for food. I had no milk, cereal, eggs, or bread. A few minutes into my trip, I ran into a friend of a friend in the snack aisle. I wasn't shopping for snacks, they have the meat temporarily located in the aisle to the right. The guy is a rep for "Jays" and seems to think I am all that and a bag of chips... sorry, couldn't resist. Too bad the guy is your typical married sleeze, so his 10 minute long charm-fest was a waste of his hormones. He tried to make his ploy to get into my private snack bag a little more honorable by telling me that he married his wife because she was uncomfortable being pregnant and unwed as a teacher. Nice.



I couldn't really afford all of my groceries, but I picked up things that would allow me to make meals out of what I already have, so hopefully this trip will last two months. I had to pay the local grocer's outrageous price for cat food, because it was probably more cost effective than driving across town. I finally swallowed my pride, and put a donation plea on Craig's List for cat food and bird seed, to which my first reply was, "Why don't you feed the birds to the cats. Don't you have a bb gun?" Had I not already known that some smartass would have come up with the same genius answer, I may have found it funny. But when you take a moment to get serious, about seriously humbling shit, having someone make fun of your situation is a tad irritating. I thought of writing some sort of "hope you wind up broke and jobless too" message, but instead chose to reply with, "How sweet of you to say." Sometimes, a manipulative guilt-trip is more thrilling than spewing angry ill will. One very kind woman did reply with advice to contact the Humance Society. Supposedly, they have a food bank for "people like us that are having a tough time." I wrote her back and thanked her for her kindness.



I spoke with Carol "with the longer last name" from the SAC while I was in the dairy aisle. Looks like I'll be meeting with her today, despite feeling an overwhelming need to simply sit on my ass. I'll be leaving here within the half hour.



I have to admit that I do enjoy getting up during the "normal" hours of "normal" people. Enjoying the sunrise... the small hint of importance you feel when you are on the snow-covered road because you actually DO have to be somewhere. And though it could be a week or more, before I have any concrete information as to what I will be doing with my time in the near future, I feel I'll get there... sooner than later. I just have to hope I don't run out of patience first.

Wondering or Wandering?

It's Saturday afternoon...

After starving myself all morning and into the early afternoon, I finally decided I was worthy of eating. In fear of my own economic collapse, I had frozen some bacon that looked as though it was about to "go bad." Freezing has to kill some cooties, doesn't it? Well let's hope it did, because I cooked it, and ate some. I made scrambled eggs with old onion, and shavings of sharp cheddar cheese, one piece of toast, and bad(?) bacon. Oh, yes, and I am treating myself to a cup of coffee, since I use milk with it, and that is about to expire. "Breakfast" at 2 in the afternoon.

Since tallying my bills the other day, I have had a cloud of anxiety over my head. The freezing temperatures have jacked up the utility bills, despite keeping my heat at 58 or 60 degrees, and using minimal electricity. I can't afford heat, but I also can't afford frozen pipes. Both my gas and electric are double what my budget allows for, and of course, unemployment doesn't give raises. So I am left to wonder how the hell I'm going to stay afloat. Is it time to call the mortgage company? I had already warned them that things could get difficult months ago. Not only is this my first time owning a home, this is my first experience with unemployment, and the first time the whole country is in despair. I can't risk damaging my credit, because thanks to an unethical mortgage deal, I will have to have my house paid for, or refinanced in three years. This may sound pessimistic, but I am simply being realistic... I'll have to refinance.

So here I sit, knowing the mail has just arrived, and I don't want to see what is inside the box. I tried to locate a name for "fear of mail" but apparently no one thinks that is a legitimate phobia. I located articles about fear of mail due to anthrax, but nothing about fear of mail because mail brings bills and economic collapse makes paying bills impossible. Yesterday, I received my car insurance statement, which added another $100 to the monstrous pile of bills I already can't pay by the 4th of February.

I've fallen off the gratitude bus, and find myself in the land of discouragement. Just being honest. This is pissing me off! My graduation money is gone... all to bills. I have no savings. That went to bills too. I'm cutting out everything I can... and it still isn't enough. Businesses are closing everyday... adding thousands more to the unemployment plight. So needless to say, finding a job grows ever more impossible every moment. I have been trying to research starting a business, and one of the first articles I found leads me to believe that to manage property here, I have to have a broker's license. To have a broker's license, you have to have been a full-time real estate agent for three years. I DON'T HAVE THREE YEARS! I have no clue where or how to find the answers I need for free. I can't afford to breathe right now, let alone seek legal advice.

Right now I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly... wasting time. Wasting life. (Cue the music to Margaritaville...) Wasting the days away in Unemploymentville. Searching for my, lost sliver of hope. Some people say that there's an economy to blame... but I know...it's my own damn fault?

What I Learned About Michigan Today...

Considering the old saying "no news is good news," and the fact that I can't really stand to know the true magnitude of economic failure in Michigan... I try not to devote too much time and attention to the local news. It's like knowing there was a terrible car crash, but looking the other way.

But, as I was minding my own mindless business, playing a game of Scrabble against "FlakieFreda57," some local news factoids snuck into my ears and banged on the drums. Here is what I learned about Michigan today:

8,ooo... EIGHT THOUSAND people applied for jobs at the soon-to-be casino, just today; crashing the site temporarily.

1 out of 10 people in Michigan is out of work. (Scrabble anyone?)

According to our genius Governor Granholm, the computer system that maintains unemployment benefits is "so old they don't even make parts for it anymore." Huh. Sounds like you were really on the ball there! Don't tell me no one saw THIS coming. Shit, Jen, next time call me... I've got all day to tell you what isn't working!

Michigan spends more money on prisons than it does on universities, and Michigan non-violent criminals do 127% more time for similar crimes in other states. That's just disgusting...

Almost 30,000 at-risk Michigan youth are not in school, and do not have a job.

Do you think if I call A&E, that they will get Michigan on the show "Intervention?" I'll be damned if it isn't time for one! No wonder everyone keeps encouraging me to get the hell out of here! And... no wonder no one wants to bring their company here to create those desperately needed jobs. If A&E won't take us, maybe Dr. Phil will. Cause it's time to GET REAL!

Thrifty Thursday!

Despite a shocking sit-down with $790 worth of bills that are due by the fourth of February, and knowing I only have $485 coming in, I'm feeling a little triumphant over this economic battle I'm facing. My first "score" occurred at Walgreen's, while mother was picking up her medication. I needed to pick up some hair color, since getting my hair done was immediately cut out of the budget in April. I was hesitant to buy because I didn't have a coupon with me... but low and behold, it was on clearance! Instead of paying $15.99 one box of my standby Revlon Colorist 40 Dark Brown, I got three boxes for $20.70! That oughta cover my few (but pesty) grays for the next six months! What a bargain!

My next big win was a very thrifty, and very tasty sandwich for supper. I had one small barbequed chicken breast left over from Sunday night. I hate wasting food, and now, I can't afford to. So what to do with this little chicken breast? Make a sandwich! I found one Kaiser roll at the back of the second shelf of my very empty refrigerator that remained from my December 13th graduation party, and a slice of provolone cheese. I cut up the barbequed chicken breast, cut a slice from the onion from God-knows-when, and topped it with the provolone cheese. Zapped that little snack of a sandwich for 45 seconds... and mmmm was it good! Think of pulled pork, only more like pulled poor.

Thrifty thrill number three: (WARNING: Serious coffee drinkers might find this offensive!) pouring my 12 hour old and lukewarm coffee onto my left over ice cubes from my water for an unplanned "iced coffee" treat.

Struggling through this tumultuous economy, isn't that fun. I won't lie! But, with a little creative thinking, and adding an "I will survive" type attitude, you can do it! My only real bitch right now is that I don't have any more stamps to send out Thank-You cards in a timely fashion. I don't have enough cards, but, if I am going to claim to be an artsy gal, I've got to be happy, and comfortable making my own. It's springing for stamps that is stinging my ass. Gratitude is very important to who I am, and who I want to be, so they must be sent... just perhaps a little later than "Miss Etiquette" would like.

Rambling Grapefruit Diet Job Hunting

The New Year always brings an onslaught of diet and fitness information, as most of us become suddenly aware of a bulge here, and a jiggle there. Being a bit rebellious to any behaviors done en mass (musicals give me the creeps!), I've always followed my own haphazard diet and fitness plans.

But, now I am unofficially on a grapefruit diet.

Actually, my mother just happened to leave me a big bag of grapefruits and I can't afford groceries. So, I'll be eating grapefruits daily. If I suddendly become slimmer and trimmer and get offered to do the cover of a fitness magazine, hey, I won't complain.

I had forgotten how much I love the smell of grapefruit. How fun it is to cut out the little triangles before you enjoy the sugar-sprinkled slices. It left me wondering why I don't enjoy them more often.

I'm "slacking" today. The two guys that are doing work on the rental with me are off on another job. This puts some of my work on hold. However, I think I will be able to reassemble the front room, and finally have something on the "completed" list. I'll be heading over there as soon as I get done rambling here.

The rash on the back of my neck had me miserably scratching in my sleep. I was "blessed" with sensitive skin, so the cause of it could be as simple as my oversized, paint-covered T-shirt irritating my neck as I paint. Of course, I have no benadryl creams here, so I'll have to do my best to try and ignore its existence.

I thought it best to job search last night. I hadn't logged on to many job posting sites between Christmas and the New Year. There was actually quite a high number of postings, however, the majority of them were either for the U.S. Army, or physical therapy. It was, yet another, fruitless mission.

The news just reported that the number of people leaving the state had doubled last year and exceeded the number of people moving in. It will never cease to amaze me that somehow our state government made enough poor choices to make this beautiful state undesirable to live in. But, hey, I may soon have the entire state to myself! As much as I would love to have a house out in the mountainous wonder of Colorado, I can still appreciate all of the natural beauty good ol' Michigan has to offer. The only thing people seemed to be interested in, as of late, was our water. Our governor had to put protections in place to prevent our water from being "bootlegged." Have these people never enjoyed a summer of swimming, sailing, and water-skiing? Michigan provides such a beautiful backdrop for a lovely vacation... yet no one seems to want to visit. Are they afraid they won't be able to get back out? Afraid that they will be mugged by the thousands of struggling unemployed people?

My aunt and uncle suggested, again, that I consider moving out of state. My aunt "would hate to see (me) stuck here." Stuck? I don't view myself as stuck. Stubborn and determined, maybe. You see, I've never been driven by money. I realize this could, and probably has caused me problems, but it's just who I am. Sure there are 49 states that are doing much better than Michigan, but I can't justify moving away from my family and friends just for money. Besides, I don't have the money to travel to another state and stay in a hotel while I job hunt/interview. I don't have money to move or put a deposit on an apartment. Odds of finding someone to buy my house would surely be stacked against me, finding renters is even a challenge for property owners here. And, unless I would be able to guarantee that I would have enough money and time to travel home to see my family, there is no way I would consider moving.

I've simplified my life and spending enough to make supporting myself a pretty inexpensive task. Is my house my "dream home?" No. Is it out in the wilderness, tucked away from the shuffle of city life? No. But, it's mine, and it was a dream. I had gotten myself into such a financial mess in the past that I literally thought being 40-something and living in my mother's creepy spider-infested basement was all I had to look forward to. I've put my own personal touch on the walls and decor and made the most of some of the outdated features. I'm actually quite fond of my house, and letting it go; giving up; just doesn't sit well with me.

Will I stay here forever? Probably not. My semi-delusional vision foresees me finding the way to financial stability and seeking out my mountainous paradise. But that is then, and this is now.

For now, I must continuously remind myself to be grateful for what I do have, and find some sort of comfort in knowing that most people don't get where they are without a lot of hard work. I've always been a hard worker, but this is the first time I've worked hard for myself. Sure it frustrates me that I can't easily find a job, and worrying about the future has caused me a great bit of grief. But, I've proven to myself that I can survive, and most importantly, that I want to.

I spent 28 years of my life doing what other people thought I should. Once I began to figure out who I was and what I wanted, the "getting there" seemed impossible. And although I have yet to officially "make it," freeing myself from the pain and confusion of a life unfullfilled has provided me with a strength I never thought I'd have.

Being 37, unwed, childless, and unemployed, doesn't exactly define "accomplished" to most. But, reflecting on how misguided, misfortunate, and miserable I used to be... I've come a long way, baby! I've managed to cling to hope when there ought be none, and I have more of a drive to not only survive, but to eventually thrive, than I have ever had in my entire life.

Speaking of drive, I'd better drive my ass to the rental unit and get to work!

Off to a Good Start!

2009 is off to a good start!

I was lounging around in my seriously non-sexy survival sweats watching "The Forgotten" when my last remodel "client" called. She wanted me to meet up with her and a potential tenant to show the property in a half an hour! I quickly transformed from financially-challenged hermit, into casual-chic property manager and headed out the door.

As I pulled up, the potential tenant was already leaving. Apparently the unit didn't suit her. My client and I then discussed remodelling plans for the vacant unit. This unit is getting a more intense overhaul then the last... and am I ever excited! My client is excited! Off to Lowe's we went. I selected paint colors, tile, hardware and fixtures; spending a brief amount of time daydreaming about some glass tile that would look fabulous in my own kitchen and bathroom.

After hauling all of the materials into the unit, I returned home and began creating property assessment, general information, and security deposit forms. Our goal is to provide tenants with a "welcome packet" to make their stay more enjoyable and increase the longevity of their residency. With the troubled economy, finding and keeping tenants is a challenge. This challenge has become my challenge, as the client has asked me to take on some "property management" responsibilities. Considering property renovation and management is a business I had hoped to jump-start last year, this is a fabulous opportunity!

Good? Morning

Good Morning "kids."

I'm still up. And I don't know how "good" that is. You see, when I find myself up at pre-normal people hours, I'm left to paid programming, pathetic pondering, and my own devices.

I have to call into the automated unemployment system this morning between 8 and 9 a.m. If I fall asleep now, I'll simply be taking another "nap." If I stay up, I'll surely be doing some napping mid afternoon, which could lead me to staying up until the wee hours... and repeating this insane cycle of sporadic sleep.

I also have an unconfirmed cleaning gig today. I can't confirm it at THIS hour, but if I could, I would certainly entertain the idea of a nap now, to encourage a more normal, productive day. If you would have asked me ten years ago, when I was a misguided, yet employed, late-twenties student/waitress/bartender/manager/administrative assistant, if I planned on being unemployed and cleaning houses once a month in my late 30's... I would have thought YOU to be crazy. Yet, here I am, doing just that. An amateur maid with a college degree, cleaning a friend's grandmother's house in an attempt to make ends meet... this is my life. What happened?

Oh yeah. The entire economy imploded...

I'm watching some show called the "Daily Buzz," and apparently a scientist in Australia is studying the effects of cocaine on honey bees in the hopes of better understanding human cocaine addiction. Huh? Aren't most of us under the impression that the population of honey bees has drastically declined, and therefore a sign of our impending doom? Is a stinger-weilding insect jiffed out on coke really a necessary addition to the madness of our world? I'm probably misinformed, but, I thought we were supposed to be finding ways to save the honeybee population, not turn them into coke-heads. What happened to the simplistic days of "This is your brain on drugs" commercials?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nl5gBJGnaXs

Oh yeah. They didn't work.

I think I'll have fried eggs this morning...

Grab a Shovel

My blog is busted! For some reason I cannot get the spellcheck or photo feature to work properly. This leaves me at risk for serious mispelled boredom! If I were some kind of computer whiz, I'd have it all figured out. I might even have a job too!

I caught an episode of the show "Secret Millionaire" tonight. Wow! It's about millionaires who pose as less fortunate people, and then decide who to give money to. I got all teary-eyed watching this semi-selfish man transform into a compassionate do-gooder.

I have only wanted wealth in my own life for one reason: to help others. The truth is, we don't have to wait until that someday comes. We all have many gifts to give. Right here. Right now. It's been almost a year since my last stint volunteering, and I miss it. Not only does helping another person feel great, it reminds you of your own abundance. Being of service allows you to see how much you truly have and forget the meaningless things you longed for.

I could kick myself in the ass for not getting back on the volunteer scene sooner, but I'm currently sitting on it. A few weeks ago, I posted a profile on a volunteer site and requested a volunteer form for a local agency... but it is still on my desk with many blanks to fill. So my goal now is to get a volunteer gig going no later than the end of the first week of the new year!

Volunteers have always been a critical resource within a community, but now, more than ever, volunteers may be the only hope our state (and country) has to sustain itself. Michigan's unemployment rate is skyrocketing daily, and the state had to borrow money from the federal government to fund unemployment benefit payments. This means Michigan is even more broke, and more cuts will take place. Just where those cuts will be is yet to be determined, but one possibility is a cut to unemployment benefits.

The big picture ain't pretty kids.

The reality is that if we all don't grab a shovel and help dig us out of this tragic hole, we might as well skip the trip to the grocery store and start swallowing dirt. People have been hurting for years, and the employed are becoming a minority. People need food, clothing, and shelter. Jobs. Health care. A kind ear. Compassion. Time. Most of these can easily be found in abundance in our own homes (excluding jobs and health care, of course). Hell, I don't have much financially, and I've got some clothes to donate, and definitely some time!

So let me pose a challenge to you: get out there and do something! One hour. One coat. One can of beets. One bag of pet food. Make the difference that is so desperately needed. You... that's all we need.

Loading My Weapons

Well, this week has been pretty slow for job hunting. I had one telephone interview for the part-time job at the community college, and got rejected for future consideration. I only located one posting remotely matching my qualifications, and sent out my application, resume and cover letter.

It's time for a new approach, a refined plan of attack.

Because our local news reports at least 300 job losses in our state daily, I have decided to ditch the "on the job training" option for the program I entered at the unemployment office. With jobs disappearing at this rate, enlisting the staff to help me find what isn't there just doesn't make sense. So, I have decided to take an aggressive approach to maximize my time and options.

I officially began the process to start my tuition reimbursement option, and have decided to pursue an Associate's degree in Human Services. Due to the overwhelming number of people in the program, my official appointment won't occur until January 28th. This means that I will either have to use student loans to get started right away in January, or wait until April for the next classes to start. Wait? More waiting? While the whole world falls apart? No thanks!

My plan of attack will be to take at least two classes beginning in January. My previous credits earned there, in addition to my transferring credits from the university, will hopefully make this a short journey. While I am waiting for classes to start, I will be teaching myself Spanish with CDs I checked out from the library. I also picked up a "Teach Yourself Visually Microsoft Office" book. The goal now is to acquire as much ammunition as possible to job hunt with my "guns a blazin'!"

Planning a return to school before my Bachelor's of Science degree commencement even occurs seems kind of nutty to me... but serious things are going on in this world of ours, things that require serious action!

12-Step Program for the American Economy?

The first step to recovery is admitting there is a problem.

Today's news finally states that, yes, our economy is in a recession. In fact, it has now been admitted that we have been in this recession for over a year now.

No Shit?

Okay. So it's time for rehab, Mr. American Economy. You'll be needing a sponsor. Let me recommend Warren Buffet...

Mr. American Economy, you have admitted that you were powerless over money, and that your spending had become unmanageable. Congratulations. Step one of your program has been successfully completed.

Let's get to step two. "Came to believe that a Power greater than yourself, Mr. American Economy, could restore you to sanity." Looks like you have a few choices for that "power" here: bailouts, criminal charges, soaring unemployment rates, borrowing from the lead-ridden country of China, or plead with your sponsor, Warren Buffet.

Step Three: "Made a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understood him." Oh, I'm sure you're praying... hell, you've been on your knees for awhile!

Step Four: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself." I suggest you take your time with this one, Mr. American Economy. Admitting you are a sodomist and have been stickin' it to the asses of innocent Americans, isn't going to make you a popular guy.

Step Five: "Admitted to God, yourself, and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs." Do we have time for this?Step Six: "Were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character." I'm not sure that you are ready for this removal, Mr. American Economy, however, since down-sizing appears to be trendy, and you've removed just about everything else, including the American public's dignity... why not just go with it?

Step Seven: "Humbly asked him to remove your shortcomings." What's that up to now? About $975 bazillion trillion?

Step Eight: "Made a list of all persons you had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." Might sound like quite a task, but this basically means the entire world population. You can start with me, and a check for $100,000...

Step Nine: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." Trust me, I won't be injured by that check for $100,000; and if you can't come up with it, give me Sarah Palin's campaign wardrobe and I'll hock the shit on Ebay.

Step Ten: "Continued to take personal inventory and when you were wrong promptly admitted it." Uh... I'd focus on the prompt part, there is no "inventory" left.

Step Eleven: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with God as you understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for you and the power to carry that out." I'm pretty sure He doesn't want you to keep screwin' millions of people, so don't overthink it, Mr. American Economy.

Step Twelve: "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, you tried to carry this message to failing economies, and to practice these principles in all of your affairs." Well... surely we've all seen the light, thankfully, right before the electricity gets cut off.

Best of luck to you in your recovery, Mr. American Economy... unfortunately, I have a feeling this is going to take a lot more than 28 days.

What the Bloody Hell is Wrong With People?

Never in my life have I deemed the extra 15% discount or free pair of socks worth the uncontrolled cart-ramming chaos of shopping on "Black Friday." It's fucking insane! PEOPLE are insane. There just isn't much else that needs to be said.

Please refer to the following articles for concrete evidence supporting my statement:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/29/business/29walmart.html?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/11/28/socal-toys-r-us-shooting_n_147032.html

What the bloody hell is wrong with people? Jesus, if that's what people will do to get a deal on a damn HD t.v., we are all in big trouble when this looming depression really hits! We will need body armor and Uzis just to survive the government cheese line...

Who takes loaded guns to a toy store?

How much did the poor Wal-Mart guy get paid an hour? And did no one notice a body under their feet?

Beyond tragic... inexcusable, unexplainable, senseless, idiotic, disgusting...

Is America Growing Up?

Has America finally decided it's time to give up its immature, immediate gratification seeking ways? Time to grow up? I'm not sure if the fiery failing financial inferno, or good ol' Dr. Phil is the cause... but Americans seem to finally be getting "real."

I was convinced as soon as I heard Sears was bringing back Layaway for Christmas.

"Back in the day," when people couldn't afford to pay cash for something, they didn't reach for imaginary money on the credit card. They put things on Layaway and made cash payments until the balance was paid in full. Once that glorious day arrived, they picked up their purple Garanimals corduroy jumper, a Lite Brite, two Baby Alives and an Atari video game (complete with the Ms. PacMan cartridge), and delightfully drove home to wrap their gifts, using Scotch tape that turned yellow by Christmas morning.

"Back in the day," we didn't carry 10 different credit cards and have to sort through them to find the one that had enough of a balance to swindle our purchases out the door. "Back in the day," outrageous debt wasn't acceptable, and bankruptcies and bailouts weren't trendy.

As much as this whole embarrassing, stressful and fear-inducing economy crash hurts... it may well be the very "growing pain" that America so desperately needed.
Now, if I could just figure out who would wear purple cords...