Mrs. B and Sloppy Joe

Seven days. I have survived seven days as a semi-employed person, without getting lost in the maze of the hallway, getting confused over whom I have or haven't contacted, and, most importantly... getting canned! To "celebrate" my successful seven day survival... I received my first paycheck! HALLELUJAH! I may not have arrived just yet... but my train is nearing the station! This is the first paycheck I've held in my sad, and very empty, little hands since April 25, 2008!

I got my first dose of "office politics" today. I was asked to contact a marketing consultant, because the Director finds her personally difficult to work with, and thought that because this marketing woman didn't know me, that maybe she wouldn't be such a (word that starts with a "b"). Well. She was very wrong. I was appalled at the verbiage this supposed marketing expert used. She felt it necessary to point out how ridiculous it was for the organization to expect anyone to attend the event... more than twice. I was left to wonder why on earth anyone had ever chosen to consult her for anything other than the imminent end of the world. I tried to be "fluffy" with her... stroke her exaggerated ego, and appease her pseudo-genius; caring none at all if she felt I was sincere. After our "lovely" conversation, I returned to the Director's office to report the miraculously marvelous (cough cough) ideas this marketing b-word suggested.

"I can certainly understand what you were saying," I said.

"Uh-huh. So it's not just me!"

I rehashed the tennis-match telephone call, but refrained from telling her exactly what I thought of this woman I was forced to speak with. I've worked in catty, conniving work places... and I would rather not have to relive those experiences, so I have made a point to keep things as neutral as possible. Besides, it's always the bottom of the totem pole that gets buried and forgotten... and I need this job!

"You've got to tell Danielle this... come on." She said with a smile, as we began marching through the hallway maze.

Ugh. Here I go. Here we go.

A little circle gathered as the Director and I told the co-workers about "Ms. B's" pleasantries on the telephone. Thankfully, Danielle seemed to accept it as a legitimate complaint. Danielle said she felt that because Ms. B must think we are "pee-ons," that she speaks to us differently; concluding that this was not acceptable. No it wasn't... but I was letting it go before I found myself tangled up in a pile of cat claws!

After work, I came home, spun around in 3 circles; transforming from Betty Businesswear to Clay-Covered Clara... and headed off to the studio. It's safe to say I've gone a bit overboard with making the most of my extra studio time, and have completely lost count of how many pieces I'm working on and what stages they are in. I think I have three... no... four... waiting to be glaze-fired, and approximately four more awaiting a bisque fire. Add to that, four that I have drying on my shelf... and I have my own art show! Don't I wish!

I am definitely still a novice when it comes to working with ceramics, and I have no delusional expectations that my work would ever be called "exquisite." I do it for fun. To release my neglected creative energies from my previous life as a peace-pipe smoking, pro-peace-love-and-happiness, save-the-planet beatnik from the 60's. I don't even have a "plan" when I begin working with a slab of clay. I wait for it to "speak" to me, and tell me what it wants to be.

NO!

I am not on drugs.

Right now I am just trying to learn by trial and error, and master the few skills I have acquired through my casual pursuit of ceramics. This go-round, I've been experimenting with carving methods, with no rhyme or reason; as you can see from the picture below... well... okay... above. Apparently, I'm not cool enough to know how to place photos within my text!

Anyway...

After I finished playing in the mud, I came home to my sloppy house, and made Sloppy Joes. I spied a can of "Manwhich BOLD" on the shelf at the grocery store and found myself hypnotized by the imagined taste of these spicy sloppy joes. Next thing you know, I have a can in my cart, and I'm anxiously waiting for my leftovers to run out so I can eat them in real life! Tonight was the night. And they were tasty! Of course I had to alter the "recipe," so I added diced yellow onion. It was 1/4 of and onion, and it needed to be used, I swear!

Sloppy. That's what I've become, at home, since I've been mingling with the outsiders in the outside world. My current state of scattered-about-ness is nothing that can't be remedied with an hour of cleaning with the music cranked. It just appears sloppy. Like my dinner... which I did, by the way, eat at the table. I have not become irreparably uncivilized... I'm just adjusting to my new life as an almost working woman. I promise I'll clean up my act by Saturday. Swear.

Hidden Treasure

For about a month now, I have been on a mission. Trying to get all of my "junk" sorted. Sorting through old boxes of unorganized madness from years gone by; particularly the year that I moved out of my apartment in a procrastinated panic and just shoved any and everything I could fit into random boxes... only to have them sit for 7 years.

I knew there were lots of important papers in those boxes. Papers with information an ill-intended person could use to rob me of my $115 savings account. And somewhere in those random boxes, I knew there were many little treasures. Some I would want to keep, and many that I would like to hock on Ebay for a quick, and much-needed buck.

Transporting the boxes of junk from my mother's house to my house, led to the typical messy aftermath that seems to occur every time I take on one of these "get your shit together" projects. You know, when you set out to organize the closet, and suddenly your bed is piled high with clothes, shoes are everywhere, and your once peaceful room is now a chaotic disaster?! I can't be the only one who does this...

I was smart enough to bring a couple boxes at a time, in hopes of preventing said disaster. This worked quite well, until I got to my gigantic old hanging file box. Within minutes, my home office desk had disappeared under a pile of papers, old checkbooks, junkmail, homeless office supplies, and appliance manuals. The task became so insurmountable, that I simply turned the light off, and turned my back on the mess for about ten days. After an evening spent cleaning my house, I am proud to say that I have officially conquered Mail Mountain. My desk is not only clear, it has returned to its previously organized state, and was even sanitized.

During my cleaning rampage, I managed to clean out both drawers of my bedside table. Something that had been eating at me for a shameful 15 months! I just could not find time to tackle such a mess! And wouldn't you know, it took me about 20 minutes to sort through, and clean them. Weird stuff was in there. Lots of pizza coupon flyers, casino flyers, and other junk mail. I must have shoved that stuff in there to give a visitor the misconception that I was more organized and tidy than Ms. Martha Stewart herself. Now I'm stuck with an empty bottom drawer. What ARE you supposed to keep in your bedside table? Besides old pizza coupons, of course!

For any of you that haven't figured this out already, the less junk you have, the easier your junk is to manage! And the more organized your junk is... the less likely you are to accumulate more! I'm not quite a professional Junk Manager, just yet, but I'm getting there. Not having a job, and watching the economy sink like the Titanic, makes junk management a necessity. It provides you with a meaningful task, and, if you're lucky, a few bucks from your hocked hidden treasures. The rewards are plentiful. Less chaos. More room for the things you literally treasure, money earned from what you sell and tax-deductible donations, the receipient of your junk actually appreciates it, and you save yourself from buying something you already had, but couldn't locate.

My work here is not done. I still have a box of random treasures waiting to be listed on Ebay, and my Sanford and Son garage will definitely have to be cleaned and organized once Spring finally arrives, but my efforts are paying off. I've made $100 off of my unwanted junk so far, which sadly enough, is a lot of cash to me right now... and each time I open a closet, or a drawer and can actually find what I'm looking for gives me a sense that I'm becoming a real grown-up!

Open for Business

Good morning, readers!

I'm writing to you from my new office! After pulling another all-nighter... I have successfully moved my office from the upstairs room to a much more convenient downstairs location. Instead of hauling my mail and personal affairs upstairs, carrying my laptop up the stairs to print, and looking directly across to the neighbors house... I now have a pleasant nature-friendly view to the backyard, and a stair-free (read FALL-free) journey to the printer! This space already feels inspirational for writing, work, and organization. And, if I were ever fortunate enough to have a booming business, there is an exterior door, which according to my probably out-dated real estate knowledge, is necessary to do certain business out of your home.

My upstairs is now that much closer to being guest friendly. In my former office, I now have two wing back chairs, ready for someone to enjoy a good book. The front bedroom is still waiting for a bed. Actually, it's waiting for everything! I tried to get a bed on-the-cheap at a summer auction, but was outbid by some furniture dealers. The stairway is rather precarious and narrow, so two twin beds, or maybe a full would be the best choice for ease of moving.

Perhaps this overnight mayhem of taking down and rehanging shelving units, moving my desk, chair, printer, and overflowing office supplies occurred because I'm going to be too busy working soon! Let's hope!

My alarm just went off... hilarious. Sorry, Mr. Alarm Clock. I won't be needing your services this morning.

Tis the Season?

Although I still have an imaginary "Do Not Disturb" sign on my front door, I did decide on housekeeping today. The housekeeper being me. I ran the carpet cleaner around the piano where dirt had been tracked in from the move, and cleaned the "high traffic" areas. I've got to say that having a carpet cleaner on hand has got to be one of the best investments I ever made. The cost of it after a discount and sale price was less than $100. One professional cleaning costs that much! The cleaning solution itself is about $10. The convenience: priceless!

As I've been cleaning, I have been tempted to get out the Christmas tree and decorations. But, now I have this piano in the dining room... where shall I put the tree? This is rather puzzling! My tree is a fat one! An 8 ft. tall fake blue spruce. A few weeks ago, I was thinking about not putting it up at all to save money... but the spirit of Christmas will be that much more important to me this year. Not having one would surely encourage the blues.

The cable guy will be here tomorrow between 10 a.m. and noon. Nice to have a reason to have to get up. I'd really like to ditch the cable service altogether, but spending so much time at home, and with winter approaching, I'm going to hold on to it just a bit longer.

I heard from a director regarding a volunteer position. He's going to send me an application. Great! Another form! Perhaps I should offer myself for hire as a "Professional Form Filler-Outer!" After some 160 resumes, cover letters, financial assistance forms, and job applications... I think I have credentials!

The unemployment office left me a message regarding "training you could add as a credential to your resume." She didn't say what it was exactly, but I'll take the opportunity. Learning new things is enjoyable, and with the failing economy and job market, I need any "edge" I can get.

Local news reported that DHL is cutting its domestic service. More jobs down the tubes. More people looking for work... will it ever end?

Wednesday I am driving to the neighboring city to apply for a position at a packaging factory. Factory work is definitely not for me. I'm a people person. But, the pay is $14.46 an hour, and ANY job is a good job these days. They are only hiring ten people. I bet it will be a mad house there. I'm going early... hoping to get the "worm."

I'm holding out for a Christmas miracle: a job. That's all I want for Christmas. Well, actually, I'd like it to arrive sometime between now and Thanksgiving! Do you hear me, Santa?

Domestic. Bliss?

In support of my "new" attitude, I spent the majority of the beautiful, and oddly warm, afternoon cleaning my house. The entire house. Nothing sets the stage for a new beginning like a fresh and sparkling house. The piano got the Orange Glo treatment. The bathroom floor had me on my knees, and the poops were scooped from the litter boxes. Melon candles were burning and a warm breeze slid through the curtains. Ahhhh...

I left shortly after completing my domestic duties, after getting my car jumped, that is. I finally put another call out to the shop, since they hadn't returned my call. I'm hoping to get this wiring thing solved before the end of the week. Unless I'm going to get an Honorary Mechanic Degree, I'd like to put a stop to my professional-level jumper cable activities! And, since I'm going to have a new job soon... I'll surely need my car to be reliable and raring to go!

I just finished mending a sweater. I had purchased it last year. A nice feminine classic black sweater. However, the first time I tried to put it on, the neckline tore in two places. I figured taking it back would not be an option and had tossed it onto the top shelf of my closet to slowly disintegrate in the land of forgotten clothes. My new "broke as hell" status made resuscitating this little beauty a necessity. Last year, I was in the process of shedding a few pounds, so I kept my wardrobe purchases to a bare minimum; which means if I don't make do with what I have now, I will be bare!

After completing the repair, I gathered up some sweaters from my winter clothes box, and tossed them in to the gentle cycle. An odd thing to do, considering it was 67 degrees today, and expected to be 70 tomorrow. At least my warm clothes will be fixed, fresh and ready when the real chill comes on.

So here I sit. All of my domestic duties are done. So where is my bliss? Where is the charming, chiseled, semi-cocky yet strangely charismatic, dark-haired sex God? Did he not get the memo? Did I forget to send out the "You are cordially invited to toss me about the bed" invitation?

THE POWER OF SUGGESTION!

Just received a text from an "ex" containing the word "sex"... Hmmmm.

To be continued.

Some Ugliness Remains...

Despite not having slept... I truly feel amazing! Having that job interview really gave me a much needed boost to a very soft and sluggish ego. Since the interview I have been tackling home improvement projects like it's my job (just don't get the paycheck!).

It's amazing what some toxic chemicals and elbow grease can do for a faucet that is old enough to be my father! I have got to have THE UGLIEST KITCHEN SINK IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! It is a cross between milk-chocolate-pudding brown and a touch of month-old-rotten-Halloween-pumpkin rust in color... and the edges look as though the sink has survived a house fire, or some kind of kitchen sink chemistry experiment gone terribly terribly wrong. Add to that, an archaic and cheap faucet that not a single lazy ass has caulked since Eisenhower was elected president... frame it with a decadent, gold flecked laminate counter top... and you, my dears, have my kitchen sink. The ugliest kitchen sink in the United States of America! (For any of you who foolishly doubt me... see the photo... exhibit U... for ugly, of course.)

I had actually picked out a new counter top, sink, and faucet last October. Even had the guy come out and measure my completely non-level, non-square, century old kitchen... however, I was in the process of being screwed by my ethics immune insurance agent, and had to put the plans on hold. Fast forward to April! Hooray... I will spend my next check on my beautiful sink, and counter top!

Oh yeah. That's when the fuckers shit-canned me!

So for now... it's just a kinda old, but still cute chick, in a really old house, with a really ugly sink, and a really positive attitude, hoping she really gets a job, that really pays well, so she can really get rid of the remaining "ugliness" left in her life!

The Ironed Curtain

I've got to say that I've felt more like a middle-aged pot-bellied man the last few days then a vivacious and virtually virginal woman! I've been tackling things that, according to gender roles, are reserved for the male population! But, when you've got no man in sight, not even to love you and leave you fast... you certainly must rely on yourself to clean up the leaves and clear out the garage!

So, to reclaim my femininity, I washed and IRONED my bedroom curtains, and made a date for Saturday. A date. Shit!

Since the Mack vs. Nick days, I've been happily (and lazily) dateless. I've also slacked in the "Boyfriend Boot Camp" department entirely. Even gave up my obsession with beautifully polished toenails. Definitely hit a slump! I had to put a date on the books! I was facing irreversible frumpy-dumpiness!

Patrick and I are on for Saturday at 6 p.m. Dinner. Now the big question... do I wear the black dress? Time is running out for it, since fall is approaching, and I've gone out in a dress only once in the last several months. And... where will we go to dinner? I'm pretty confident we will enjoy each other's company, because he is an absolute hoot on the phone and enjoys my wacky sense of humor... even at his own expense. Physical attraction is in question. His pictures are iffy, but they also aren't the best pictures. Guys aren't usually as concerned by photographs as us women are. So it's a gamble. But, it's time to get out there and live a little.