Debriefing

No, this isn't a post about removing a man's underwear...

Mother's unexpected surgery led to a busier than expected week and less frequent posting. In honor of my beloved efficiency, I will summarize the week's goings-on (or lack thereof):

Mom did well with her surgery. Because it was less extensive, she didn't have to have as much anesthesia, which was quite comforting to know. She is back to living with a drain and having a visiting nurse. To help fight the infection, she is also on antibiotics. Yesterday, she had her appointment with the oncologist, during which they decided she should proceed with hormone therapy. Personally, I was very worried about the thought of her enduring chemotherapy. She's already in a vulnerable state of health, and chemo isn't for sissies! Let's just hope this works and she is on the road to a cancer-free life!

There's not much action on the dating front, but I did make a bold move and called one of the contenders. I got his voice mail. Making a phone call is really no big deal in the real world of dating, but when we're talking about the online oddity... things transpire quite differently, if you are smart, that is. At this point, I'm rather intrigued by two gentlemen, and shockingly enough, I'm considering giving "the Wizzer" a chance to redeem himself... from relieving himself. We spoke briefly tonight and he made some points I couldn't argue with. He thinks I should just take a chance and meet up with him this weekend. For me, it's more of an issue of whether or not I have something cute to wear that actually fits! My pre-Halloween/Christmas candy jeans are just a wee-bit too tight... and would make me look slutty, or fat; the jeans I bought on December 30th for this very reason, are now so big they look like I crapped my pants. So what's a girl to do? I suppose I could opt for the always-fits skirt (which would require going on a fancier date) or simply wait a week or so until I lose a few more inches to fit into my used-to-be-cute jeans. Do men have to deal with this shit? I mean, really.

On the subject of weight loss, I have been eating well, for the most part. The photo is of last night's dinner: a small chicken breast that marinated in fat-free Italian dressing overnight and was then baked in the oven, some very delicious veggies, and a helping of Spanish rice. It would have been an evening to be proud of, except for desert, I ate about 9 Hershey's kisses... some were almond, some mint, some candy cane (I don't like the plain ones). Both the girls in the office ate Twix bars this afternoon. I did not!! A small victory for me!

When I pulled in the drive from work, I was greeted by a small group of strangers. This poor man with his two teen boys in tow had just hit a dog on the busy street that runs parallel to mine. Not only was he kind enough to stop, he followed the dog as it ran into the yard on the other side of the fence. This poor animal had bled quite a bit and suffered a serious injury to its hind leg. If that man had simply driven off, we would not have known the dog was there and it surely would have died... cold and alone in the bright red snow. The officer that responded to our call was a very nice man who pulled some strings to get the dog in for medical treatment. It had a collar, but no tags, so we couldn't contact the owner. I made my cat say a little prayer with me in hopes the dog survives and lives a long and happy life. Well, maybe the cat didn't pray, but I like to believe she is gracious, considering she was rescued as well.

My brother is coming to my rescue shortly. I ordered a large cabinet to fill the hole in my living room that resulted from rearranging the furniture to accommodate the now-taken-down Christmas tree. I found the new furniture arrangement actually made better use of my living space, and it would be lovely to have a place to drop my keys when I come in the door, since I rarely seem to know where they are. However, the cabinet arrived sooner than expected and I'm tired of looking at this big box with its utterly incomprehensible assembly directions. Normally, I'm very handy and competent, but these directions are the kind that only an engineer's mind would appreciate. My brother has an engineering background (and hopefully more patience than I do!).

Once again, I forgot to make plans for the weekend. Now, my exciting, romance-lacking weekend consists of assembling a cabinet tonight, and tending to the oven while my friend is at her brother's funeral so people have something to eat when they come to her house on Sunday. I REALLY need to find more enjoyable alternatives for the weekend!

Sunday Summary

Choosing to lay low this weekend has proven to be the best thing I could have done for myself. I'm amazed at how quickly the sense of stress and strain lifted after I tackled neglected tasks. It is no longer Christmas in my house, everything is clean and tidy, and I found two bills that needed to be paid a couple weeks ago in the pile on my desk. I knew something had to have gotten lost in the shuffle!

I stopped by mom's today after I took out the garbage. During my visit I found out she had to go to the doctor today because she has drainage from another location near her surgery. She said she wouldn't gross me out with the details, but she may have an infection. It looks like they are going to have to perform surgery tomorrow to find out what is wrong. This is unsettling to me because of her prior issues after her mastectomy and we were really looking forward to having some treatment answers on Tuesday, and I'm assuming her appointment will have to be rescheduled.

Had I not gotten all of these tedious things done around the house, this news might have pushed me closer to the edge I've barely managed to avoid. The past few months have been extremely draining and thankfully I now know how precious balance is in life, so I'm wise enough to forgo more exciting things and rest when I can. When there is chaos you can't control at work and in your family life, being able to come home to a clean house, and knowing you have paid your bills is extraordinarily comforting; at least to me, anyway.

I asked my brother to go for a walk shortly after the news and we went down to the park to feed the ducks. Most of the river is frozen, so the poor guys had to waddle across the ice to feast on the old bread and bagel treats we brought for them. One big white duck was actually eating out of my hand! That kind of stuff makes me happy and I certainly needed the exercise. Spending time with my brother isn't too bad either.

Let's hope all goes well tomorrow. Thankfully, the office is closed tomorrow so I don't have to worry about missing work. I'd like not to worry about much anymore... but sometimes life has other plans for us and we just have to make the very best of it.

Cancer Sucks

So mom's got cancer. For the second time. I can hardly begin to verbally recreate the onslaught of emotion that transpired over the last three weeks, so I'm settling for a juvenile summation: it sucks.



Monday, we took her for surgery. Because she previously endured extensive radiation with cancer bout #1, she had no choice but to have a mastectomy to combat the spread of disease. I will never never forget how I felt that morning. Seeing her so very vulnerable. Not wanting to fall apart. Drowning in the what-ifs cancer and surgery fill your brain with. Her surgery went well and for a moment I had high hopes that this was going to be as easy as cancer could possibly be. However, the next morning, her blood pressure plummeted to 66/40 and did not stabilize despite intravenous fluids and medication.



Today, she is awaiting lab results to determine whether her blood pressure issues are related to the surgery, or if she has an underlying heart condition that had gone undetected. There is a family history of heart disease and she has had high blood pressure most of her life... so the potential for difficulty is there. Obviously, I'm hoping it's simply the cancer we have to deal with.



Even though I've been down this road with her before, some 15 years ago, this time lends a sense of heaviness on the soul I just can't seem to shake. The twelve hour days at the hospital... the silent worrying... the uncertainty... the struggle to keep the tears from falling in front of her... and the never-ending "whys." Why her? Why now? Why cancer? Why does she have to go through it again!?



Keeping the family together, and keeping myself together was nothing short of exhausting. Thankfully, she got cleared for release, and I was able to get her home right before the roads here became too dangerous to travel. It seems as the proverbial storm calms... the literal winter one comes roaring through!

I was happy to make homemade lasagna tonight for my mother and brother to celebrate her homecoming. I set a nice table, lit the candles and Christmas lights, and let holiday music quietly fill the room. She isn't out of the woods yet, by any means, but she is home. And although we all know she is sick... at least for tonight she was just simply loved.

Laws of Physics

Who knew that complicated physics class I took several years ago would haunt me, perhaps as long as my student loan balance!?!?

"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction." Remember that one?

As I've worked tirelessly beautifying the exterior of my home, it appears the interior has gone to hell! There is a step-ladder with a small chunk of earth stuck to one leg leaned up against my dining room table, a fistful of hot mustard and soy packets strewn about my coffee table, my laundry room has laundry in it all right... in baskets, in piles, and probably the dryer; and I think there may be a blue bra on my bathroom vanity.

Remedying this situation won't be as exhausting as it seems and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to get to it right now. My sun-kissed-and-mildly-burned skin is dotted with paint and primer and my back is killing me but I only have one day left! I hate starting the work week with a messy house! But, if I use up what little energy I have left... will I have any hope of surviving another Labor Day Weekend labor-a-thon outside? Ah the conundrum.

My fabulous brother finished scraping and wire-brushing the side of the house, and I got 3/4 of the back scraped and primed. By the end of the day tomorrow, I may very well have all of the major painting done! All that will remain will be the tedious detail work of window trim, shutters, doors and stairs.

I missed the sales on my door and shutters! Days of paint-fume inhalation led me to mistakenly believe today was Saturday. Instead of hitting Lowe's and Menard's, I had to settle for a brief trip to ACO simply for more painter's tape. There are more doors on sale now, and surely there will be more sales on shutters. I think I'm gonna be okay. (I'll go shopping tomorrow.)

That's it for boring babble tonight...

Batman? Batwoman!

After my day of inactivity and intermittent napping, it was no surprise that falling asleep at a "normal" hour was impossible. I laid in bed watching "Law and Order" reruns... and was just about asleep at quarter to one.

Suddenly, I heard odd high-pitched, almost scratching like noises, and my big-boned beastie cat jumped up from the bed. Not again!! I didn't have to look. The light of the t.v. helped cast the shadow of bat wings on my bedroom wall.

Luckily, it flew out of my room fairly quickly. Maybe it just wanted to let me know it had come to visit. Unfortunately, I have no door on my bedroom as I did not put it back up when I took it down to paint, so simply closing the door and going to sleep was not an option. So, I called my brother... again.

Still up, he came over within minutes, as if he was taking this bat removal thing as serious as an emergency responder. Because I just went through this some three days ago, and this bat appeared to be significantly smaller, I was less bothered by it. But, sleeping while a cat's hunting instincts have been triggered by a mammal circling overhead isn't plausible.

Initially, we found the bat dangling from a plant hanging in the living room. An easy find since the cat was perched on the coffee table staring at it. My brother, with the now official bat hunting bed sheet, attempted a quick and easy capture. Thinking he had everything "under control" I opened the door to go upstairs and make sure there weren't any open windows.

And here comes the bat.

Ducking from the swoop, I pulled my almost healed neck muscles. Damn't! Damn bats! Where the blazes are these things coming from? And why? One of my email buddies rambled on about the devil, spiders, bats, and portals... okay, pal. I know the vampire thing is pretty trendy right now with the movie "Twilight" and some coming soon t.v. show "Vampire Diaries," but I care not to participate in any blood-sucking fantasies. I just want some peace of mind and a good night's sleep!

After my brother successfully removed the bat, we explored my house for any signs of entry. Nothing has changed here. And I've lived here, bat free, for two years. We couldn't find any obvious places they would be coming in from.

"Maybe they like the smell of fresh paint," my brother theorized.

Looks like I'll be arriving at work with dark circles this morning...

"Wild" Weekend

Usually when people say they had a "wild weekend" stories involving loud music, booze, and nudity follow that intro. My wild weekend was quite the opposite: it was literally wild!

Late Friday afternoon, after painting two sections of my garage in barely bearable heat, I got into the shower to wash off the paint and sweat before going out to dinner. I turned on the water, stepped in the shower, closed the curtain, and... saw a huge spider scurry swiftly up the curtain! A "normal" response would be to find something to kill it with. I thought it more important to run through the house wet and naked to find my camera and photograph the eight-legged beast! The photo does not do it justice. This spider was one of the biggest I have seen in "real life." A lover of all creatures great and small, I don't typically condone killing anything; not even an ant. However, if something "violates my person" or poses a legitimate threat to my existence, I will consider the kill. (Read mosquitoes!) I tried to send this spider swimming down the drain when I returned to my shower, but he overpowered the current and scampered back up the shower curtain, only this time he was on the other side. Short on time, I chose to shower anyway, all the while just knowing that spider was crawling up my leg, or burrowed into my back.

About five minutes passed between the arrival of my dinner date and the beginning of my "You would not believe the size of this frickin' spider that's in my shower!" story. My "date" and I have known each other for ten years, and I know he does not like spiders at all. I thought he would freak out and refuse to be in my house, but he marched right into the bathroom and demanded I tell him where it was. He grabbed it with a wad of toilet paper and nearly lost the battle as the stubborn spider was fighting to the death! Finally, he flung him into the toilet, and flushed him to his watery grave. I'm not gonna lie... the first time I had to sit on the toilet later that evening, I suspected he might bite my rear!

Fast forward to Saturday.

After sitting with Chester and taking a nap, I settled onto the couch to watch the movie "Ratatouille" on t.v. About a half hour into the movie, I saw a large, dark shadow fly past the corner of my eye. Thinking nothing of it, I continued watching the movie. Soon after, my 15 year-old cat with dementia started leaping all about the dining room and jumped on top of the table. When I stood up to investigate, I was dive-bombed by a giant bat! What the hell!? I quickly tossed the throw blanket I had been curled up with on top of my head and began running around the house like a frantic Muslim woman! I opened both my front doors, hoping it would fly out, but the bat seemed to be mesmerized by the rotation of the ceiling fan and chose to swoop at me in circles instead of going back outside. After apparently growing bored of it's circular flight pattern, it then flew in and out of every room on the lower level of my house. I called up my spider hunter from the night before and listened to him laugh hysterically at my squealing. He lives 25 miles away and was at his friend's house, so driving back over for yet another rescue of the damsel in distress was out of the question.

"Call your brother and tell him to get his ass over then and get that bat." He said.

Ugh. I've lived most of my live proudly not needing a man around. This would make two nights in a row! Granted, I would have survived my scary spider situation just fine and it was coincidence that I had a man coming over to take me to dinner and therefore present to kill the spider. I did go to the garage to get a broom, trying to talk myself into feeling confident that I could remove the bat myself. But, with the door open for over a half an hour now, I had to either act fast, or face the possibility that my house would now be filled with mosquitoes that would feast on my body while I slept; sucking every last drop of blood out of my body. Humbled, I went next door, blanket still atop my head, broom in hand, and fetched my brother.

By this time, the bat had affixed itself to the dining room wall. What a curious site that is! How they can just stick there like that is fascinating, and creepy, at the same time. Without his wingspan, he looked less intimidating, and almost cute. Using a broom and bed sheet, my brother managed to get him off the wall and into a lampshade. We unplugged the lap and took it outside where the bat crawled out and flew away... almost right back into my house!

Yes, folks, that's as wild as I got this weekend! I suppose I have to admit that those concurrent events made me realize that having someone around to help you isn't so bad after all. I remember wondering how late I would have to stay up before the bat finally found the door and flew out. Maybe cohabitation with a man wouldn't be that bad. Maybe it would even be nice! In the meantime, I'll simply have to be grateful that my brother is staying next door and wasn't as chicken as his little sister when it comes to bat removal.

Spinning

Holy hell is there a lot going on! I can't possibly verbalize the abundance of emotions I'm feeling right now. Just the thought of trying to is exhausting! So here's a brief inventory of my current dilemmas:

My 84 year old grandmother is STILL in the hospital. She has congestive heart failure, and lives in California... so visiting her is easier said then paid for.

My cat is doing better for now, but she is in some stage of kidney failure. She's gonna die. Right now, it's just a matter of on who's terms: mine or Jesus'. I'll find out what the vet recommends sometime next week.

The schooling program I have been jumping through hoops for for a year has become nothing more than a serious pain in my ass because the people in charge can't seem to send papers where they should in time. Classes are supposed to start next week. In support of my sanity and happiness... I think I'm going to scratch that plan off the list.

My relationship with Mr. Nice Guy, thankfully, is in a good spot. After a mildly neurotic and seriously awkward (for me) exchange of communications, it has now been officially established that we are an exclusive couple. However, with everything that is going on in my life aside from our new relationship, I'm concerned about him getting lost in the shuffle of my busy mind, thinking I'm a hopeless mess, changing his phone number, and boarding a one-way flight to Tokyo.


I sent a message to my Dad, suggesting that we meet sometime this summer. That was two days ago. I have heard nothing back from him.

My brother moved back to town. He's supposed to be staying at my mom's house, but... well that is a very long story. Let me just say that we are about to have an intervention of sorts, a last ditch effort, to encourage her to finally get her house in order. I'm happy to see him, and thankful for the opportunity to get to know each other as "grown ups," but I also have to take care of myself and have healthy boundaries. Because that is something I haven't quite mastered yet... this whole situation makes me a little nervous.

My new job is great, but there have been some sources of stress. Some are simply part of the natural process of settling into a new career, and others are the result of inefficient operating systems. I also have the reality of potentially losing my job in September, if we don't get much needed grant funding. My wounds are still rather fresh from being without a job for 10 months... so there is a legitimate level of fear associated with this. One thing I know for sure, is that I need to lay off the coffee, get some regular sleep, and make time to eat some damn breakfast!

None of this is more than I can handle. I just wish it wasn't all coming at me at once! I've done a lot of growing as a person, and was finally getting a good handle on the good, the bad, and the ugly that makes me who I am. Chaos is not my friend, so it is critical that I maintain some sort of balance during all of this. I just have to remember to... breathe. It wasn't that long ago that I had nearly given up on happiness. I had actually picked up the pen to write it off. But now that I've found it, and now that I have had some time to appreciate how beautiful inner peace and happiness truly are, I'm going to protect myself, and fight whatever battles are placed in front of me to the death!

Good Deed #13: Resume Service

It's Sunday. MY day. Day of rest. Day of cleaning. Day of eating and watching stupid movies on Lifetime... whatever I want it to be. I settled into my pile of life-saving throw blankets on the couch, and got ready to lazily decide what to do with my day, when I opened my email.

Last night, my brother and I were talking on the phone, and before we hung up, he had mentioned that he was trying to get his resume in order. He joined the ranks of the unemployed about eight weeks ago. Having played the "Resumes in Space" game as an unemployed person for the past ten months, I am very familiar with how daunting the task of writing a resume, and customizing it for every job you apply for can be. Knowing how unbelievably competitive it is here for any type of work, I didn't want my brother to lose the job race because of a bad resume.

"If you need any help with your resume, I'd be happy to do whatever I can. At this point, I'd consider myself a semi-professional resume writer!"

I didn't think he'd take me up on it, but sure enough, there was his resume in my email box, just waiting for my examination. My brother has a Ph.D! Unfortunately, his credentials are most suited to the auto-industry... which we all know is breaking down bolt by bolt every day. Some alternative careers he is considering are professorship, and solar energy design and production. But these days, us unemployed people are prepared to stock lipstick at Walgreen's to avoid homelessness... regardless of the magnitude of our education or work experience.

My last class at the university was "Practical Writing." We wrote press releases, professional letters and memos, business brochures, instruction manuals, and you guessed it, resumes. At first I thought the class would be a tedious bore, but the skills mastered have been rather advantageous. Learning the tricks, and silly unwritten rules of resume writing, like which buzzwords are "out," sure comes in handy when you are out of work and competing against thousands of people for lipstick stocking jobs at Walgreen's.

My brother's resume was awful! The information itself, was of course, impressive, but the format was not going to get him where he wants to be. I tried to just look at it, and then spend the day watching garbage on T.V. and eating garbage... but I just couldn't! So there I was... fixing my brother's resume, before I had even combed my hair or finished my coffee. I forwarded the revised version in a more appealing and appropriate format, with an email containing the "secrets" to successful resume writing.

Resumes are always critical to getting the job you want... but these days, many of us are simply trying to get the job we need! Now that technology has robbed us of being able to make an in-person impression, it is critical that your resume is free of errors, and in a format that stands out but is still appropriate. If you use resources at the library, or on the internet, make sure they are current. The resume game is ever-changing. There are actually trends in resume wording and format. If you can't afford a professional service (they are pricey!), at least find a few friends to review your resume, and maybe even find one that has experience in resume writing. And if you do actually have the opportunity to send a "hard copy" of your resume, don't forget that you have to have it on the fancy-shmancy paper. Don't get crazy and buy some pink and blue polka dotted stuff! Keep it simple, and professional, and make sure your envelope matches! Yes, this stuff is expensive... but it's tax deductible, so keep track of your job hunting expenses!