Iris Eyes a Smilin'

Despite my brush with death via disgusting gastro-intestinal distress... I have had a fabulous week! There have been challenges... yes... but just like the iris in my garden, things are lookin' up!

Work has been a lot more peaceful since we've shipped off most of the grants we have been writing, and I've continued to earn praise from my boss; a critical plus, considering we may very well face budget cuts come September. My only "complaint" is that we have switched to summer hours which means no one works in the office past noon on Fridays. Normally I'd be singing "Glory Glory Hallelujah," but now I have to find a way to squeeze four more hours into my work week on another day. Unfortunately, that may force me to once again violate my "me-day" (Monday) and risk distraction while I'm in the studio. A small sacrifice after ten long hard months of unemployment, but after being asked to have my art in an upcoming exhibit, I'd really like to focus on what I'm doing and attempt creating my first "masterpiece."

M.N.G. and I continue to weather the little storms that come our way, and he still magically calms my troubled waters. Tomorrow night, he's taking me out for dinner, and then we are going to his parents house for family game night. His sister and husband, brother and wife, will be joining us. A big to do! I'm interested to see how this goes. So far, I get along with everyone famously, but I suspect his mother is trying to solidify our bond. Not a bad thing... I'm simply wondering if an intense interview is in store! And who's going to be the victim? Me? Him? Us?

I've worked out three times this week! (Last MONTH I worked out once.) Admittedly, part of my motivation comes from the jealous bitch that claimed me to be fat and ugly, however, the majority is my need to stabilize my mind. I'd love to tell you that I'm one who is dedicated to an honorably healthy lifestyle... but the truth is, I just do it to keep my spirits up and my anxiety down. Oh, and this time, to fit into a super cute pair of capris that are just a little snug on my hormonally plumped mid-section. Some other "excuses" I could use to keep my exercise non-plan going: my 20 year class reunion is in July, my birthday is in July, and M.N.G. is taking me on a camping trip in July (read bathing suit in front of people GASP!), and I'm spearheading a community event that involves competing against about 4,000 other people in various athletic events in September. I still doubt I'll attend my class reunion... but the other "excuses" are going to happen. Couldn't be a better time to get back in shape!

My brother, mother, and I have enjoyed some nice bonding time. The three of us haven't been together in over 20 years as a family, and he's really tackling her clutter! There's a dumpster in her driveway now, and I have no doubt that he will fill it. That's about 5 really long blogs... so I'll leave it at that.

I treated a girlfriend to a pedicure and lunch. She treated me with a tanning visit. I haven't had girly girl time ever! I really enjoyed it! She's been such a big support to me over the last few years and I couldn't make her engagement party. Having the opportunity to show her that I truly appreciate all that she has done for me and don't take her for granted meant a lot to me... and my toes look great too!

An exciting weekend is in store!

You Know You're "In" When...

You know you're "in" with your boyfriend when...

He tells you he thinks his (heterosexual and married) sister has a crush on you.

HIS mother lectures him, beginning with "What are your intentions with her?" And ends with "you just need to buy a house and stay with her."

He sends you messages like "You rock my world when you smile baby," and "just keep being you honey, that is the best." Let's not forget the "<3 U."

And you know you're really "in" with a caring, and understanding man, when you can text him "But I don't wanna be sick! I want to be with you! And I'm not puking lately. It's better than the stomach-acid-burned throat, but shitting buckets of water is just gross!"

That's right. Our first bodily function themed conversation. I'm SICK! And tonight was date night, however, something tells me that isn't going to happen... that it shouldn't happen. Here I sit, in bed, in my ugly brown sweats, hair sticking this way and that, and a pasty glow about my face. My lips are crusting from the resulting dehydration, and I posted a "Keep Out" sign on my bathroom door to prevent my brother from occupying the bathroom during pending spells of urgency. Nothing depletes any sense of femininity or sexiness you may have had faster than vomiting and diarrhea. And I can think of little else less romantic!

I'm disappointed! I'm pretty sure no one enjoys being ill, but what didn't this happen yesterday? I had to miss work today... and now I'm gonna miss date night! Pfffft!

Bloomin' Idiot!

Mr. Nice Guy is a saint! Not only did he tolerate my insecure shutdown on Friday night... he didn't even bat an eye when I explained it to him. Sometimes I wonder if he even notices my mini-freakouts! Luckily, I'm smart enough to see the pattern with them... and they all involve "women" that want to sleep with him, or claim him as their man. One was the ex, and the other was a wanna be. Being the forgiving, loving, sensitive, mature woman that I am... I didn't see through their soap-opera-worthy man-stealing tactics coming! These women are 39 and 40 years old!!!! Are you serious? I didn't think females acted that way past the age of 18... which was over two decades ago for these claw-wielding wenches! The wanna be even babbled a bunch of garbage and followed it with... "Don't tell (Mr. Nice Guy) he'd get mad at me." Yeah right. I've been dating him for over two months... he treats me amazingly well, and I just ran into you for the first time in 20 years. Are you fucking kidding me? She even asked me to add her as a MySpace friend... Sorry, but I require my MySpace friends to truly be friends. Until MySpace offers a "Catty Cunt" category, added she certainly shall not be!!!

M.N.G. took me to breakfast today, followed by shopping for a replacement for my crapped out coffee maker. At first I was very devastated because I had a coffee maker with a thermal carafe. The ability to keep coffee hot at least an hour after the lazy ass who presses her snooze alarm an unpredictable amount of times actually gets up is critical to the maintenance of sanity! Unfortunately, most coffee drinkers are either very routine and responsible, or can't handle the caffeine withdrawals, so they DO get up when their coffee is done brewing. There are endless coffee makers with glass carafes... but very few thermal ones to choose from. The first store we went to only had one thermal option and it even looked like a crappy model! Low and behold, at good ol' Walmart, I found my newest love!!!! A BREW STATION!!!!!!!!!!! Not only is the machine cool, it even sounds cool! I enjoyed my first cup from the cool coffee dispensing gizmo, and look forward to seeing it magically make my coffee at 9 a.m. this morning.

So I still have a fabulous boyfriend. I have an even better coffee making machine. I weeded my front garden... finally! And... I got to spend a few hours with the neighbors for a cookout. My brother even helped me dig out a bush and tree that didn't survive last summer's brutal dryness. It was just truly a feel-good kind of day.

I might be a bloomin' idiot sometimes, but at least it isn't always! Believe it or not... I am making progress in my crazy mad little life and the happy days are finally outnumbering the difficult ones.

Mr. Nice Guy and His Big White Horse

Oh my am I just dumb.

After replaying the evening's events, I realized that I let the probably ill intentions of a "woman" Mr. Nice Guy and I both know, ignite some almost disappeared insecurity with our relationship's good standing. You see, I've never understood "mean people," and I truly believe that people shouldn't play high school games after the age of 21... so 40 year-old women who act like catty little teenage bitches... over a boy... just don't make sense to me!

He and I haven't totally discussed things, but he does know that I was upset, and expressed sincere concern. Had I not spent the day with Chester, I'm sure we would have had a meeting to discuss the issue.

We do have a breakfast date tomorrow... and I'm going to just tell him what happened. And... I think it's going to be okay.

Fucked. Up.

It's all fucked up.
Me.
Us.
And maybe him.


Mr. Right wasn't there for me; but in his defense, I didn't ask him to be.

And in my defense, I don't know how.

But, I do know, that I'm broken hearted, and a stubborn ass bitch... that's what I had to become to survive. So, unless he finds a big white horse...

it's done.