All Ya Gotta Do Is Ask!

Due to my "last minute" withdrawal from my full-time job, I hadn't written a schedule at the part-time job for the current week. For about 45 minutes, I laid in bed this morning and strongly considered taking the day off. No one was expecting me! I could have easily gotten away with it; but, I soon realized that if I'm going to make this whole life path vs. reality thing happen, I'd best get the hell out of bed!

Because I spent my morning work out time, and the majority of my regular routine, in the lazy comfort of my cozy bed... I had no time for breakfast. My punishment. Off the door I went, with my coffee-for-breakfast thermal mug... and my stomach already growling. Where's a damn butler when you need one?

As soon as I got in the office, I checked my email. A guy that I dated some 17 years ago works in an office across the hall from mine, and since discovering our close proximity, we exchange non-productive, smart ass emails throughout the work day. I read his email from Friday afternoon, and replied:

"Hope you woke up in time to make it home from your boring meeting. Hey, do you guys have any food over there? I'm hungry!"

After sending my email, I walked down the hall to the copy room. Someone had performed some serious voodoo on both machines, and neither myself or the other in-need-of-copies guy there could figure out what the problem was... so I went right back to the office to wait out the evil "spell." When I got back in... I found a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts on my desk and a perplexed co-worker, laughing about the random appearance of sinful, sugary doughnuts on my

desk.

"Who are you?! GOD?" I emailed back. "How the hell do you get doughnuts that fast?!" I inquired in astonishment.

"Some vendors brought in 2 boxes this morning and we are all on diets. Well except for me, I ate two." He responded.

"Dudes on diets? What, is there some kind of Speedo Convention coming to town?" I jeered.

"No. We're just a bunch of narcissistic geeks..."

Hilarious! Our staff consists of 6 women, five of which are on diets. Who's the one that isn't? Um. That would be me! Their office staff consists of 5 guys. I didn't realized that guys actually dieted... and admitted it, to women nonetheless.

Something I have learned on my life journey over the past few years is to ask for what you need. Now I can readily admit that I wasn't going to die without those doughnuts being graciously delivered to my desk, but it sure was an unexpected treat! Not only was I hungry, I had been secretly craving doughnuts for days! Who'd have thought that your needs could be met so easily? I think tomorrow I'll ask if they have any money...

Squirrely Saturday

I spent the afternoon with Chester, as usual. I was delighted to see that he was able to eat his lunch (fish sticks, tartar sauce, and applesauce) with minimal assistance. He was able to eat his fish sticks on his own, and only needs help with the spoon, so I fed him his applesauce for dessert. I try to allow him as much independence as he can physically manage, as I feel it encourages his mind and body to remain as strong as possible. He was very alert... loves to watch his basketball! And even though I'm not sure his memory allows him to recall what the NCAA championship is, he sure seems to be enthralled with the competition.

After I returned home, I "ran into" C.F. on the computer. He's travelling, as he usually is. Despite both of us expressing our desire to take naps, we wound up chatting for almost three hours! He's just so damned cute. I feel like a complete cyber dork because I find myself wishing I had the technological means to send him pictures more easily. Video would be cool... but, still seems invasive, and almost creepy! Regardless of a more convenient means of communicating with him; I am in the market for a new camera. I've got a very behind-the-times 4 mega pixel camera, so the photos I have taken that I would like to make into large prints are simply could-have-beens. I'd like to fill my house with my own photography and test the waters by attempting to sell some prints at the upcoming local spring art show. We'll just have to see what the "Financial Gods" have in store for me over the next couple months.

While I was getting squirrely inside with C.F. on the computer, the squirrels in my yard were getting fat off my rapidly disappearing bird seed. I now have four seed feeders, and one suet feeder in the yard. When I was attempting to survive on less than $1,000 a month... I thought I was going to have to cut those feathered and furry critters out of the budget! Lucky for them, my aunt and mother had each donated a 40-pound bag to help support their cause. One of my many past lives must have been "Snow White." I just adore each and every little fascinating creature that scampers about! Although I live in the city, we are across a road, and uphill from the river, so we do get a nice variety of small wild life. I have groundhogs, skunk, bunnies, squirrels, and birds visiting regularly. Annoying to some... amazing to me!

So back to the camera... it's not just for fruitless flirtation, it's for the further exploration and improvement of my photography skills. Creating little photo-ops and impromtu shoots kept me occupied and entertained over my lenghty unemployment; and to my surprise, my photography was pretty frickin' good, especially since my equipment is very outdated, and my intentional photograpy experience is minimal at best. It takes little to make me happy! Just give me the tools to make something and I'm off on a my own little creative journey!

The Prices We Pay...

What an amazing morning! I slept well last night. One of the best night's rest I have had in a long time. Since deciding to end my pursuit of the full-time position as Administrative Support to the Director of Operations at the job that offered benefits, but lower pay, and no "purpose," I feel a great sense of peace. And relief. I woke up to the sunrise gently kissing my face; feeling alive, and ready to enjoy the day.

My latest revelation makes me terribly concerned for the emotional well-being of the millions of people who are still suffering the unemployment and economic crisis. Any of you that have been through it know that being out of work, especially when you are trying to support a household or family, is an incredibly stressful thing. Add to that being forced to take whatever job you can get, regardless of whether or not it is something you enjoy doing, a job that does not allow you to do those non-work-related things that bring you the ever-important enjoyment of life... and you have yourself a potential mental nightmare!

In support of my own quest to avoid finding myself working solely for "the man," and doing something 2,000 hours a year that doesn't bring me some sense of fulfillment... I'm going to stick to my plan to pare down my expenses, and continue on with my non-profit work, caring for Chester, and pursuing my creative adventures. There is a slight bit of risk involved. My job is only guaranteed until September, and it's future is dependent upon the receipt of additional grant funding... But I'd rather be doing something I love, and living the life I have fought so hard to live, for six months, rather than zero months! By following this master plan, I'm only sacrificing material things, instead of sacrificing my entire existence. Giving up my fancy conditioner, as opposed to my identity, sounds like the smartest decision I have made in many years!

So... I continue my quest to spend money wisely. Save whenever, and wherever I can. That meant I was forced to go to Walmart. Many a better-than-you type person would tell you they would rather pull their own teeth out with dirty pliers that be caught dead in Walmart. I've got to confess that I don't really care to shop there either. I am not bothered by the fact that the majority of Walmart shoppers are of a lower socio-economic status. Hell, I'm not exactly rich. At least not in a monetary sense. What bothers me, is the commotion! I have a gift of travelling down the same aisles as the mother of a pack of unruly, disheveled, screaming me-mes, who doesn't understand that the aisle is barely wide enough for two carts to travel side by side... so leaving her cart, with the wailing, snot-nosed baby in the seat, in the middle of the canned good section, makes my shopping inconvenient; and my head pound! But if I'm going to successfully find my true calling in life, I've got to shop where I can get the most for my money, and that just happens to be where the overly-reproductive people shop as well. A small sacrifice, I suppose, in the big scheme of things.

Saving money takes a little bit of effort, and a lot of creativity. This morning, I replaced my very worn and hardly working wiper blades with the new ones I purchased, from Walmart, for $4.97 a piece. I have no idea what the current going rate is for wiper blades at those one-stop oil- change-and-more type places, but I have a vague memory of spending at least twenty bucks to have them replace and install new wipers on my car in my early, naive, twenties. They are very easy to put on: a simple slide and snap into a hook. Unfortunately, taking the passenger side wiper off required a little more focus and patience then my just-woke-up brain was capable of, so I suffered a cut to my index finger. One of those wounds that isn't really that serious... but bleeds like you ought to call an ambulance fast, before you lose consciousness. I went straight to the bathroom, and realized that I don't have, and haven't had, any bandaids! Huh. Good thing I finally picked up toilet paper at "Wallyworld," last night. (Christmas napkins aren't very absorbent.) Soooo... I covered my throbbing, bloody wound with two squares of Charmin Ultra Strong with Diamond Weave, and secured it with Scotch tape. I realize this isn't as impressive as a soap opera plane crash... when the sexy, chiseled, man seductively tears his shirt off to create a life-saving tournequet for his damsel in distress, but I was pretty proud of my budget-friendly, blood-flow preventing, invention!

It has now been two hours since my injury. The bleeding has stopped, and my primitive, life-saving, impromptu bandage is in the trash. A literal reminder that with a little effort and creativity... I can, and will, survive this, and hopefully find my true path along the way.

SHARP TURN AHEAD!

Ahhh.


Ah HA!


Life has a strange way of sending us little messages. Little signs directing us gently towards the path that we are meant to travel on. But some of us stubborn, skeptical, students of life, fight this quiet guidance as if the universe were asking us to jump off a cliff!


Over the last couple days of my job juggling, during the few quiet moments I have had to myself... I realized that the decision I was about to make regarding which job I was going to dedicate the majority of my time to was based solely on money and monetary benefits. Yes, I may be crazy... but money means little to me. The last time I made an employment decision based on monetary gain, I suffered great personal loss. Loss of time. Loss of happiness. Loss of self.



What the hell was I thinking? I don't want to go back to that awful place! And if we just crunch numbers... I would have to work 40 hours at the job with benefits to make what I would earn in 25 hours at the job that has that "purpose" I've been so desperately seeking.



The man upstairs had been speaking to me through so many different people... several times a day. Although I really liked the people I was working with, there were those devilish things called "benefits" that were offered there, and I was more than capable of doing the job... I am much more than a person who can create a training schedule on Excel 2007, and happily shoot the shit on lunch break.


Over the last year, despite my struggles surviving unemployment, I have been the happiest I have been in many years. And that's because I was creating. Writing. Crafting artistic things. Satisfying my strongest need. The need to be creative. It took a lot of wrong turns, and learning how to ask for directions to find my proverbial path again. The thought of giving up all of that personal progress and growth, only to drive backwards through life with my eyes closed, is frightening.


These little voices, the signs, have come from strangers, friends, family, co-workers... and my heart. I had been very anxious... slowly realizing that I was about to "sell my soul" for money yet again. I think one of the hardest things for humans to do is to listen to yourself; a rather odd phenomenon considering that when it's all said and done, when we lay down our heads for the very last time... it is you and you alone that has to revel in the joy, or sorrow, your life choices have brought to you.



I was beyond content before I began entertaining the other career choice. Happy and at peace. As soon as I accepted the position, in a rush, to suit their needs, that nagging feeling crept back into my life. I am very confident that I am making the right choice. I have no doubt... no worry. And I'm very grateful that this time it won't take several painful years to get back on track. This time, it's just a simple U-turn.

Baggage of the Working Woman

Ah... the baggage of a working woman. I forgot how literally heavy the burden of working multiple jobs can be. My briefcase was bursting at the seams! Each zippered pocket was unzipped to allow for the accommodation of multiple binders, planners, folders, notebooks... none of which fell out on my semi-clumsy journey from the office to the car; toting this giant bag, and a large cardboard sign that caught the blustering wind like the sail of a boat!

My morning began with travelling through a rock storm. I was stuck behind a semi hauling two bulldozers on the highway. Just as the traffic broke enough to let me escape into the other lane...WHACK! Rock to the windshield! Yes, my windshield now bears a lovely, permanent, circular wound... and I have PLPD insurance. Good Morning, me.

The first job I reported to today was my almost-for-sure full-time job. There just wasn't much for me to do! I searched high and low; solicited chores and tasks. I fetched a cup of coffee for my cubicle neighbor, even though she swore she was kidding when I asked if I could get her one. I wasn't! The last thing I want to do in this economy is look dispensable. If they decide to cut the position I currently hold, at least they might keep me on as a coffee bar attendant.The Director I report to has been in meetings virtually every hour that I have been on the premises thus far, so we have yet to really work together; although last Friday's past seven o'clock at night coup had to have earned me some retention points. I have my first eight-straight shift there tomorrow, so I hope to be assigned something more important than volunteer inter-cubicle waitressing.

I only had the half an hour in between jobs to eat my lunch. The length of my commute. I was forced to either starve, or, eat McDonald's. I decided a Quarter Pounder with cheese and a refreshing Diet Coke sounded more enjoyable than the growling of my stomach would, so I got off on an exit midway and ordered my clogged-artery-in-a-box. There is just something so demeaning about eating a fast food burger while driving down the highway. Even though that was all I ate, I still felt gluttonous, and wondered who saw me dodging the ketchup-covered onions that kept falling out of the bottom of my burger.

Once I arrived in the parking lot at my other job, I had the daunting task of hauling my giant job-juggling bag of tricks into yet another office, without incident. Too bad when I reached for my hardly-sipped-on-soda, the shoulder strap of my big bag caught on some kind of door apparatus...

SPLOOOOOOSH!!! There goes my soda. Good Afternoon, me.

Aside from a weird visit from a man who had missed his appointment with Denise by over an hour and a half, and showed up while I was alone in the office, then asked me to make a hundred copies of papers he was about to pilfer from another project (while the phone was ringing and I was on another call)... I escaped my last five hours of work without tragedy. Next stop: grocery store.

I've got quite a list of items that I truly need, but the stores with the best prices are on the completely opposite side of town. I hate needless driving. That's probably why I only have 79,000 miles on a car I've had ten years. But there were some things I had to get, so I compromised by only buying the absolutely positively necessary things at the local, yet higher priced store. I was saving gas, saving the environment, and saving my tired little toes from traipsing around the gigantic store. Smart move!

Or not.

I forgot to pick up toilet paper. I have not even a square! Here's hoping my day doesn't get any shittier! (insert drum sound used after bad joke here) Looks like those leftover Christmas print paper napkins will come in handy after all.

My laundry is caught up, but my house is in a state I refer to as "scatteredaboutness." I've been quickly reminded of why I hate nylons. My friends and family haven't quite figured out why I'm suddenly not available, despite my repeated three-job testimony...and I find my eyes begin to close themselves after 8 p.m. Rock chip, bulging bags, spilled soda, smelly feet, shutting eyes... all worth it, I say. It's all about the baggage. What you choose to carry with you. And I'm willing to let it all go for a coupla paychecks, and whole lotta hope for the future.